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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

Nursey considering not allowing my child to attend

41 replies

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:02

I continued sending my 3 year old after he had started refusing - things have got worse he is now unconsolable at nursery and has started hitting out at staff and other kids. Nursery are considering refusing to take him. Can they do this - he is a good kid, not angry or aggressive, don't know what to do for the best.
Help

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 23:08

Are you able to observe? Through a window or behind the door so he can't see you?

colditz · 08/03/2011 23:10

Ds2 is a bog standard kid - he was so unhappy at his first preschool i had to pull him out.

You have to find hims somewhere else.Child minders are ofsted registered, or could you do a childcare swap with a friend?

Original poster

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:11

maybe - they have asked us not to bring him back this week but i want to talk to them to try and evaluate why this happened.

OP posts:

plonkerr · 08/03/2011 23:13

Ah that's a dreadful thing to say and not something that I would expect to hear from a professional establishment!

Are you sure there are no alternatives?

belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 23:14

Is there someone else who can look after him until you get him a place somewhere else? They don't sound very helpfu to be honest, have they tried things before now to help him or just let it carry on until they said don't bring him back?

Original poster

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:17

we tried a diary, doing things he liked and always being positive - any other suggestions

OP posts:

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 23:18

Sarah please don't worry....my DD was the same way at 3. She HATED nursery and it was a lovely one.

Some kids just struggle. Can you speak to someone about the childcare available? You shouldbe able to use the vouchers for a minder...call up the helpline..the tax credit one will know who to speak to.

Also speak to your tutor about the situation....let them know you're having some childcare problems...they've seen it all and will advise you.

Your son will come through this...my DD did...she's 6 now and loves school.

I couldn't have predicted that 3 years ago when I was dragging her in crying...it was awful.

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 23:21

What helped mine, was when I gave her feelings a name...at 3 they cannot articulate their emtiotions and it makes it feel worse. I called my DDs bad feeling "The missing Mummy feeling"

Because that's what it was...and I was able to kiss her hand and then tell her "When you get the Missing Mummy Feeling, you can touch your hand and know that my kiss is still there...it's a magic one that won't wear off."

I also gave her a lunchbox with a slot for a photo and she had a pic of me in that.

Some perfume on a hanky....little things to give them strength...I told her that I was always thinking of her and that she only had to think of me to know that.

It did help.

Original poster

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:22

Thank you - i needed to hear that

OP posts:

belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 23:23

I'm off to bed.

Are there certain days which trigger him off? Are certain members of staff working these days? What's he like at home?

Original poster

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:30

no triggers - occational good day

OP posts:

Original poster

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:37

OP posts:

Joolyjoolyjoo · 08/03/2011 23:47

I second talking to the nursery- they should be trying to support and help you on this, not just "thinking of" refusing to take him. My dc have been in 3 seperate nurseries, and the staff have always been great at spotting even minor discrepancies in their behaviour. I think the problem is with the nursery, rather than your ds, so don't worry yourself too much on that score.

FWIW my dd's loved nursery, and were happy and settled. We moved and ds went to a different nursery, which I didn't feel he was always 100% happy at- it seemed to depend which staff members were on. A couple of times he moved rooms and was a whole lot happier/ suddenly clingy again. He has since gone to a pre-school nursery and seems happier. it's the pre-school I used for my dd's, so I know the staff well and am 100% confident in them, but he still has the odd clingy day (although is never distressed- more like a "not-letting-me-go-need-another-cuddle" thing)

at 3, can you try talking to him too? My 3yo ds is very vocal, and sometimes comes out with remarkably insightful things!

I really hope you get it sorted- sounds like it is really getting you down

toeragsnotriches · 09/03/2011 19:14

My friend's DD had similar problems although hers were more related to crying inconsolably all day every day she was there. She took DD to look around other nurseries and her DD decided hers was 'better' and that was pretty much that.

It took DS1 months and months to settle to his nursery and eventually, one day, from the blue, he did. DS2 now attends the same nursery and there's a boy there with behavioural problems who hits out and randomly attacks other children. I'm not saying this is like your DS but the point I'm trying to make is that the nursery deals with it.

Telling you they might refuse him helps no one. They just sound really unsupportive and shortsighted; if you're tense about leaving him, how will he be happy to be left? They should be helping both of you, not just thinking about how to make their lives easier...

The idea to investigate childminders sounds like a good one. There's nothing wrong with your DS - just the nursery! Good luck!

littleducks · 09/03/2011 19:20

Are you doing an actual nursing course with an nhs bursary and childcare allowance or some other kind of course to lead into nursing (access?) with funding from the college itself?

I'm training as a SALT but its the same bursary/childcare forms as all allied health corse and nurses. I can claim for any ofsted registered childcare.

My dd attends afterschool club, has a cm drop her off to school sometimes and ds is at nursery. I can claim a % cost of all these types of childcare back

longgrasswhispers · 16/03/2011 17:27

All children are different. All nurseries are different. He clearly doesn't like this one, but that doesn't mean he won't like another. There's nothing wrong with your little boy AT ALL - it's just that that particular setting is not for him. My dd was the same when we tried her at one particular nursery last year. Hated it, and I lasted 2 weeks before I pulled her out. I felt the same as you, because other children we knew were perfectly happy there. But hey ho - tried again at a different nursery a few months ago, and she loves it!

I'm almost certain that if you contact your local council for a list of Ofsted registered childminders with vacancies, and use one of those, your college will accept this.

Don't torture your son or yourself. Move him now, and I'm sure it will be a different story at another setting.

As I said, don't worry - there's nothing to worry about in terms of the future at all. He'll be fine, and so will you with your course.

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