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Preschool education

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Original poster

Nursey considering not allowing my child to attend

41 replies

sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:02

I continued sending my 3 year old after he had started refusing - things have got worse he is now unconsolable at nursery and has started hitting out at staff and other kids. Nursery are considering refusing to take him. Can they do this - he is a good kid, not angry or aggressive, don't know what to do for the best.
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purpleturtle · 08/03/2011 22:04

What is he gaining by being so upset about going?

belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 22:04

I'd agree with them to be honest, it sounds far too distressing for him so isn't the right place. Does he attend so you can work?

RitaMorgan · 08/03/2011 22:05

If he's miserable there why are you sending him?

Meglet · 08/03/2011 22:06

Are there any other nurseries you could look at?

(I assume you are talking about a play-school nursery and not a day care nursery?)

Pagwatch · 08/03/2011 22:07

If he is hitting out then he is being aggressive.
But he is obviously unhappy so I would be seeking an alternative rather than trying to force them to keep him

plonkerr · 08/03/2011 22:11

Why is he so unhappy there?

That is what I would want to know.

If he is hitting out and acting aggressively, then it's going beyond the usual 'monday morning blues' IMO.

I wouldn't wait for nursery to refuse to take him, I would be trying to ascertain why he's so upset and taking him out of the nursery myself.

Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:11

I feel so guilty sending him - i'm trying to do a nursing degree, no other nurseries available. I just wish i could figure out why he dos't like it

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belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 22:12

It could be a number of reasons, have you asked him if there's something that makes him sad? Could you look for a childminder?

3littlefrogs · 08/03/2011 22:13

If you have to have child care in order to work, how about looking for a childminder?

Perhaps he would be happier in a different setting?

Not all children can cope in a busy, possibly noisy nursery.

My dd was very happy with her childminder, but I don't think she would have settled at nursery TBH.

Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:17

I try to ask him but he just keeps saying "no going to nursery" - can't afford childminder as i can get financial help from college only for a nursery place. I put him 1st before everything but i've worked so hard and sacrificed so much to do this course to give us a better life - the last thing i want to do is throw it away.

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belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 22:25

but if they refuse to take him then you'll have to interrupt (take a break from your course) and it will be more distressing for him. Childminders are registered by Ofsted so the college should allow you to use them.

plonkerr · 08/03/2011 22:25

Can you set up a meeting with the nursery manager to see why they think he's so upset?

They should be able to put something into place to help him.

3littlefrogs · 08/03/2011 22:26

Could you possibly defer your course until he is a little older? I know it is hard, but if he is really unhappy you might have to think again. I honestly don't think it is worth traumatising him.

iskra · 08/03/2011 22:32

Are you sure about the financial help only for a nursery? Usually it's financial help only for an Ofsted registered care provider - so a childminder would be fine.

Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:32

what should i say to the nursery

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RitaMorgan · 08/03/2011 22:38

Honestly I don't think the nursery can keep him their if he's that distressed.

Do check again about your funding - it's usually any Ofsted registered provider which includes childminders.

plonkerr · 08/03/2011 22:41

Well, your son sounds very distressed so I don't think the nursery would be surprised or wonder why you're asking for the meeting tbh.

Just ask them if they know of any reason why he is so distressed. Maybe ask them to keep a diary.

See what they suggest.

Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:50

I just feel like this is labeling him as a bad kid that isn't normal - guess thats why i'm kinda against just pulling him out

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belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 22:52

They're not labelling him, he's clearly unhappy there.

plonkerr · 08/03/2011 22:55

Why do you think they're labelling him?

What have they said?

Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 22:56

So many other kids - all happy,
Why is he finding it so difficult
i wish he could tell me

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belledechocchipcookie · 08/03/2011 22:59

You can't compare him to other children. He's obviously not happy there.

plonkerr · 08/03/2011 23:02

Sarah84 - why do say nursery are labelling him? What have they said?

Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:04

I'm not comparing - i just think that attending nursery is a pretty standard thing and it worries me that he is struggling with it
Can't stop my mind racing on - imaging problems that are not even here yet

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Original poster
sarah84 · 08/03/2011 23:07

They havn't labelled him but they have said that staff are dreading comming in when he's in
not nice to hear

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