would you insist that a 3 year old went to pre school if she really didn't like it?

[OnEdge]

My DD3 attends our local pre school and loves it. She does two 4 hour sessions.

Her cousin of the same age attends a different pre school all day Fridays. SIL and I agreed to let the girls have a sleep over on Thursday nights, and go to her DD's pre school together for the Friday session.

This worked very well for the first two weeks, but on week 3, my DD decided on Friday morning she did not want to go. She refused to even walk there to drop her cousin off and would not leave the house.

My SIL phoned me, and I went round straight away. I did not make a fuss, but just collected her to take her back home. My SIL would not give me eye contact and was clearly annoyd with my DD.

I decided to play it down and said that we would go to the childrens cafe instead.

My thoughts are that she is only 3 so there is no need to force her into it. Had this been school and she was 5, I would have ensured that she attended, but I don't see the need to force her.

I think my SIL thinks I am being a soft touch, and that I let her "get away with it" Her DD attends nursery 4 days a week because my SIL works, and then she attends the pre school all day Friday too.

I choose to work most weekends when my DH can look after our children. I wanted to look after them myself during the week rather than using childcare. I don't see pre school as childcare, but rather an educational facility.

If you were in this situation, would you push your child to go ? Or would you just leave it ?

It's tricky... DS doesn't go yet as he's not yet 3 but I sort of feel he'll need to to get ready for school. They're still so little at 3 though aren't they? But what will you do if she refuses whenever she feels like it and then bang, school starts and there's no choice about that?

Do you know why she didn't want to go? Could it be a consequence of the sleepover?

It depends how she is when she's there. My Ds quite often objects to going but once we get there I don't see him for dust and he loves it. If we got there and he was clinging to me screaming, prised off me, then miserable all day I'd want to know why. But ultimately they are leading up to school which is not optional. I think it might be quite difficult to let them dictate when they do and don't go to pre-school then hit them with school and change the rules. They learn some useful stuff at preschool too, to make the transition into school easier for them. I wouldn't want them to miss out altogether.

Maybe your dd just doesn't like that preschool though. If she's happy with the other one maybe it would be better to stick with that. I wonder if she's really happy about sleeping over every week as well.

No, I wouldn't. School (or education in another form like home educating) is not a legal requirement until the child is 5. If you start forcing it now you risk turning her off education IMO.

HOWEVER it seems like the sleepover might be the problem - if you aren't there in the morning, or she's tired, or the house she wakes up in isn't hers - coupled with a relatively new setting of preschool this could have really unsettled her.

Stop the sleepover and see how it goes. It's none of your SIL's business anyway!

I agree that the issue seems to be the sleepover and going to a different pre-school on one day of the week. (especially if everything was fine at her own pre-school before this new situation)

In all honesty, sounds like a big thing to have started doing (both sleepover and one day at a completely different pre-school) at the age of 3. I'd go as far as to suggest she might be feeling insecure because of the whole sleeping-away-from-home thing.

I'd pull her quick sharpish out of this arrangement and continue sending her to her own, loved pre-school.

Don't worry about what your SIL thinks, if your dd is happy at her own pre-school, then so be it.

I continued sending my 3 year old after he had started refusing - things have got worse he is now unconsolable at nursery and has started hitting out at staff and other kids. Nursery are considering refusing to take him. Can they do this - he is a good kid, not angry or aggressive, don't know what to do for the best.