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Child pretending she doesn't know things

4 replies

EvilEyeButterPie · 03/11/2010 13:12

Ok, I know I'm going to get called pushy here, but I'm honestly not. I just think that pretending to not know things is a dangerous habit to get into.

My DD1 is 3.8 and at nursery. The other day we were talking about what she will do at school and she told me she will learn to read and write at school. I said yes, and does she do any of that at nursery? She said "some of the other children do, but I don't because I don't know any letters or how to read yet".

I don't think kids need to be pushed into reading, but I happen to know that she does know all her letters and can read short words and write the first few letters in her name because she does them at home. she refuses point blank to do them if she gets any idea that it is any kind of test or people are interested, but she writes the beginning of her name and sometimes a label on her pictures, she chats away about such a sign having certain letters or numbers on, and she has even read the odd word to me from a book she hasn't seen before or suchlike.

Do you think I should mention this to the nursery? I really am not expecting any formal education to be going on (apart from the usual social stuff) but I am a bit alarmed that she is getting into this habit of pretending she doesn't know things- I used to do it to avoid bullying when I was at school (ie I would deliberately try to answer 1 in 10 questions wrong in tests) so it worries me that she is maybe already worried about such things.

Or should I just remember that, actually, she isn't meant to be reading for a good few years anyway, and it will do her no harm to sit doing whatever it is they do for the children who are very much pre reading and might even consolidate things for her?

Maybe nursery know she is pulling their legs, and have just decided that she needs to consolidate anyway?

She is a little rumun for doing this though, she pretends she doesn't know things and then just springs them on you. For example, I knew she knew "the owl and the pussycat" as she will quite happilly tell it to me or her dolls, but she wouldn't tell it to my Grandad (long story, but he loves it, he died a few weeks ago and we said it at his funeral) until we started off "The owl and the pussycat went to Spar..." and she corrected us, then said the full thing. I don't think it is shyness, as she will quite happilly talk to most people, for example she spoke to the room from the stage at our wedding.

Have any of you got children who hide thier lights? She's not some kind of child genius, in fact she is very average in most respects, but I am proud of her, and I would love her to be proud of herself as well.

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camdancer · 03/11/2010 16:49

My DS is a bit like this. With him, I think it is a confidence thing. He doesn't like to show things until he can do them perfectly. At the moment I'm happy just to let him be and hopefully he'll get the confidence to show what a fabulous child genius he really is soon! Wink

I do have some worries that if he doesn't show people what he can do he'll get left behind but I know he is taking stuff in 'cos he is quite confident at home. He is very proud of his reading, writing and numbers (such as they are - he's only 3!) He has just never been someone to show off. Even in the womb he'd stop kicking if I tried to get anyone to feel him moving!

FreudianSlimmery · 03/11/2010 20:32

I wouldn't worry at this age, I think it's fairly normal. I do vaguely wonder, having watched my own DD do similar refusals, if it's a kind of rebellion? As proud parents we naturally want to 'show off' what our babies are doing ("say mama!" etc) and why wouldn't we when we are proud of our kids? But maybe some kids get a bit sick of it and this is just their way of saying "bog off mum, I'm not your performing monkey" :o

Tarenath · 03/11/2010 22:47

My son does this. He's 3.5. I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. I sit and watch him from a distance and he'll count, sing nursery rhymes, read a little etc if he knows I'm not watching. If I ask him straight out though it's "I don't know"

It's a bit like he'll play nicely with his sister when he thinks we're not looking but if he knows we're watching then he wants nothing to do with her Grin

gaelicsheep · 03/11/2010 23:03

My DS does this, he's 4.3. He's a really bright boy in almost every sense, but I truly have no idea if he can recognise any words or not other than his name. I can't imagine that he doesn't, but all he ever says is "I'm not clever at reading". It makes me so sad, that he's judging himself at such a young age.

We're in Scotland and they don't even attempt reading or writing with them until they start primary, which for DS will be in August after he's 5. So I mentioned my concern to his nursery teacher and I got the impression she thinks I'm really pushy and trying to force him too early. Whereas, I'm actually concerned that he is now aware that he is not being shown these things, thinks he should be able to do them and is therefore losing confidence in himself. Sad

So no advice I'm afraid, only sympathy. And I'm not feeling too good seeing that all your DCs are starting this stuff much earlier.

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