help

[mummy693]

Hi Guys
Just wondered if anyone out there can give me some advice.

My 3 and a half year old started nursery school 2 weeks ago, he is supposed to have 5 2 and a half hour morning sessions. He started on a Wednesday and all was fine, then when i went to pick him up on the Friday the teacher asked to speak to me, She informed me that my son was not settling in at all (which came as such a shock as he seemed happy and never cried when i left him) she said that he was hitting,kicking and punching other teacers and children (which is completely out of character for my son, he is no angel but has been around other children regularly and has never hit another child) she also said he had been throwing thing and having tantrums.

She told us his 2 and a half hour sessions would be cut to 1 hour sessions from the monday until he settled in (he now starts late and finishes early) on the monday, tuesday and wednesday of that week she said he had a few tantrums but otherwise was ok so they would put his sessions up to 1hr 30 mins the next day, the next day when i collected him she said he was ok for the first hour then was getting stressed out and again throwing tantrums for the rest of the time so they were cutting him back down to 1 hour 15mins and this is how it has stayed for the past week they say anything over an 1hr 15mins he is getting stressed out because he cant get the routine therefore they wont put his session up until he settles down.

My concern is that he will never understand the routine all the time he is only doing 1hr 15mins and by he time he does do a full session all the other children will be used to the routine but he wont resulting in him being deemed a distraction again. Also if he is acting up surely it is sending him the wrong message of if i dont wanna do something just throw a tantrum and i get to go home early?

i have tried talking to the school about my concerns but they dont seem to want to listen. I have not seen any of the behaviour they are telling me about at home and although i dont dis-believe them some of the things they are saying are very hard to believe, everytime i pick him up there are only negative comments no positives.

Sorry about the essay but Im at my wits end now and hope someone could pass on some helpful advice as to how to deal with this situation
thanks
Mummy693

That is awful! The poor little boy has only been there 2 weeks!

Is this his first 'nursery' experience? I would be concerned that this course of action has been decided without really explaining it to you or seeking your opinion.

I agree with you, if he is struggling at the moment with the routine, cutting his hours so he misses most of it isn't going to help. They should be working with you to identify strategies that could support him, not exclude him. The inconsistency of upping and cutting his hours isn't going to help him settle either.

In the two weeks he has been there, have they properly observed and identified the reasons for the tantrums/unwanted behaviour? Sounds a bit of a cop out to simply say it's because he isn't settling. They need to be finding out a reason as to why he might not be settling and then again, working with you to find a way to make the transition easier for him.

Maybe there is something in the routine that is triggering this response in him? If there is, they should have identified what it is and be making adaptations to ensure he is supported. It doesn't have to be a whole re-write of the routine, obviously that just isn't practical but it might need tweaking a little bit to allow him to settle easier.

I would have a go at speaking to the school again and asking them some of the above. I would not be happy though with the lack of consultation and the sudden changes.

No wonder he is finding it hard.