How do I prepare DS for preschool?

[Gargula]

Hello,
This is a stupid question really but I was wondering if there is anything I can do to prepare my DS for preschool. He will be going 2 mornings a week from September and this will be the first time he is away from me, he will be 2years 10 months.
I'm planning on potty training him soon (though they don't require this) but is there anything else he should be able to do like put on a coat or put his shoes on?
Also I mentioned that I wouldn't be there with him so now every time we talk about preschool he says "you're coming too mummy" - should i tell him that actually no i'm not?

Well pre-school is preparation to school so I don't think there is a lot you "need" to do. It might be good to get him used to being without you (e.g. leave with friend or grandparent) if he is not already.

Definitely tell him that mummy will leave him there - but stress that you will stay till he is settled if he is likely to get worried. It's worth asking the pre-school for a rough idea of how the session works so you can give him an idea of when you will be picking him up (e.g. they take the register, then you do some stuff in groups, then you have play time, then snack, then more play, then story and then mummy comes to take you home. Or whatever ...)

Hi there,

I've just been through this with my DS - funnily enough, he's exactly the same age and was also doing two mornings a week, and had never been away from me.

I'm not sure there's anything you particularly need to teach him (Though, will he be having meals there? At DS's preschool they're quite big on things like only using an open cup for drinks, and having to use a knife/spoon/fork instead of fingers for lunch, neither of which I'd done all that much beforehand. So, if he will be eating there, it's worth finding out what the 'rules' are, because these are the sorts of things you can try to prepare him for.)

Apart from that, I can give you a few thoughts based on my own experience (apologies if I go on too much, but this still looms pretty large in my mind).

1. It is likely to be quite difficult for you as well as him. The first few sessions, the thing I found hardest was not to cry in front of him when he got upset, which is obviously not helpful. Not sure how you avoid this, but I think maybe I'd have found it easier if I'd known quite how much it would upset me beforehand!

1. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. I was advised to leave DS 'cold turkey' at the first session. Deep down I knew this was wrong (for him), but I trusted others with more experience. In the event, he became totally hysterical, and I really believe it set us back considerably. I ended up having to stay for the whole of the first 4 or 5 sessions after that, because he was so inconsolable otherwise. What I should have done is stayed with him for the first couple of sessions (and told him that I was going to stay), so that he came to see nursery as a positive experience and got to trust the staff and know the children, without also having to deal immediately with the stress of being without mummy. I'm not saying this is right for every child (my DS is extra-sensitive), but my point is that YOU know YOUR child better than anyone else.

1. I found that the single most important thing was DS forming an attachment to one of the members of staff. The reason he's pretty settled now is that he feels I'm basically transferring him from my care to hers. Not sure you can do anything to force that to happen (and it's important that he chooses who he's going to bond with), but just thought I'd mention it as it's made such a difference for us.

1. However hard it is to start with, it doesn't mean it won't settle down very quickly. After the first couple of sessions with DS, I was seriously considering abandoning the whole experiment because he was SO upset. But actually, it only took a total of about 3 weeks for him to be ok, and 4 or 5 weeks for him to be really pretty happy there. There's still the odd wobble, obviously, but he now goes off perfectly happily in the mornings, and is really full of what he's been up to when I collect him, and we're only 7 weeks in .

Just reread your question, and it was mostly about practical stuff - sorry! But I really don't think there are many 'standards' he'll have to meet (DS is totally lazy inexperienced in dressing himself, for example). Oh, and DS is still in nappies too, and that hasn't been a problem. Personally, I wouldn't try to potty train him too soon - nursery will be enough of a pressure on him without trying to do potty training at the same time.

Re saying that mummy won't be there, I'd definitely be honest. Tell him you're staying with him for the first couple of sessions (if that's what you're doing) but that, after that, you won't be. I used to make a bit of a joke of it - 'of course MUMMIES don't go to pre-school' (along with 'of course DADDIES/GRANNIES/ELEPHANTS don't go to pre-school' etc).

Oh, and expect him to be knackered. The only downside of having a morning to myself is that the afternoon is total nightmare because DS is so shattered and sort of strung out.

Sorry, I've rambled. Hope it helps.

That's been very helpful, thank you both!
Redsky i will ask about the format of the sessions. We went along to part of a session during my "selection process" but did not see everything.
Elusivemoose your words are very useful! i am very worried about how he will settle down and sometimes i am not sure that i want him to go at all. Ultimately i think it's the best for him and also for me and dd (16 weeks) as she does not get a lot of attention at the moment. But i do get a bit weepy even thinking about it.

And have a look at the mumsnet tips here!!!

Sympathies, Gargula, it's hard. I spent the first couple of weeks permanently tearful, even when he was at home . But the first time I picked him up and he couldn't wait to tell me what he'd been doing, I knew I'd done the right thing . (Especially with your new baby - I'm expecting our second tomorrow (!), and one of the main reasons I chose to put DS in pre-school now was that I could have a little bit of quality time with the baby, plus DS could get a bit of baby-free time.)

Help him to use the toilet as independently as possible. Then stand back and be amazed at all the other skills he picks up. My jaw hit the floor when my son took off his own coat and hung it up during his second week of pre-school. He is my pfb and I always did this for him. '

Make sure he knows which bag is his, and what other stuff belongs to him. I work in a nursey and children have to have separate indoor and outdoor shoes. When children have only seen their indoor shoes once when they were bought, and then we try and put them on, they can think that we are trying to put someone elses shoes on them!

If you can, find out the routine, so you can say Mummy will be back after you have done singing or whatever, you will get to have a snack after you have played outdoors etc.

Definately tell him that you won't be there, but make it sound exciting because he is such a big boy, and he will have much more fun there than doing the boring jobs with you - tell him you will be doing something he finds particularly boring while you are waiting for him to finish playing.

When you leave him for the first time, make sure he knows the name of at least one grown up he can ask for help, and that he knows where his bag, the toilet etc will be.

Good Luck!