What would you do?

[Momeee]

DD started Montessori preschool last Feb at 2yrs 9mths. The Leader advised us that she was a confident child as she was able to stand up for herself with the other children who were on the whole a year older.

However over time DD began to tell us about a boy who appeared to be regularly taunting and hitting her. We were concerned but the Leaders reassured us that this was simply a personality clash. When she came home with a visible scratch on her face, the leaders said that they did not notice.

This appeared to be placation by the Leaders who continued to advise that this is normal behaviour and these children just "rubbed each other up the wrong way"

However at the Zoo our DD complained that the boy hurt her at one of the displays and the mother of the boy stepped in to correct his behaviour. On that outing DH overheard a Mum recall a physical confrontation between her DS and the boy to another Mum.

At a local soft play area, the Grand Mum of a DS at the preschool spent over an hour telling us of how the DS would come home to tell her about how the boy would physically confront him.

After the scratch on the face to DD we informed the leader that these daily confrontations with this boy were getting out of hand and it was bullying. The leader deflected by defending the boy and when confronted with the Mums recollection at the zoo, she complained about the number of bitchy mums within the group that year.

In an off-chance opportunity at a local playground. A casual leader was able to tell us that the mother of the boy appeared clueless in relation to his behaviour. She advised us that this was part of the Montessori method and that the children had to sort out the pecking order. However when we voiced his behaviour as bullying, she acknowledged it.

We took up the chance of a summer scheme place at the pre-school on the reassurance that this boy would not be attending. However DD came home today with a bruise on her arm where she says the boy bashed her.

This boy will have moved on in September and DD has been offered a free place at a local playgroup (early years curriculum).

The adverse affects appear to be that DD can overreact with physical confrontation to innocuous infringements by other kids.

In spite of this DD still likes to go to school as she calls it and is affectionate towards the Leader. DD has a full time place reserved at Montessori. However we are concerned that the Leaders do not appear to be recognising this behaviour and addressing appropriately. If they are not addressing it now, how will they address it if it happens again from September?

How is this behaviour normally dealt with in other Montessori pre-school settings?

Regardless of whether the setting is Montessori or not, it will have been inspected and should have the necessary policies in place to handle bullying.

Ask to see the policies, and then ask the leaders how they plan to handle the situation in accordance with their policies.

I think the word "bullying" is quite emotive in a child of this age as children are not necessarily aware of the effect their actions have on other (e.g. that rough "play" might hurt someone)

DS had a very - physical - boy at his nursery. he would come home and moan that the boy had hit him, pushed him etc. Other children suffered similar incidents.

I did speak to the nursery and they assured me that they were aware of the boy's behaviour and were taking steps to address this. They asked me to stress to my DS that if another child hit/pushed/whatever him he should always go and tell a member of staff straight away as it was difficult for them to deal with incidents that were only reported by word of mouth well after the event.

I would suggest similar with your DD tbh - ask her to tell a member of staff as soon as the boy does something to her that she doesn't like. I wouldn't be happy with the nursery fobbing me off - did you actually say the boy was "bullying" your DD - if so could see that they might get defensive? Perhaps say that DD is unhappy with the way the boy plays with her and could they keep an eye.

Part of the phiosophy of Montessori is that children are taught to work out their own disagreements and deal with it themselves.
FWIW, children this age are not really bullies, they don't have the emotional capability yet to be a bully.