Page 2 | Would you live in a commune?

cosyleafcafe · 2024-08-20T12:24:22+00:00

We are seriously considering starting a commune, or at least a shared property ownership, with some friends. We would buy some land rurally where we can produce our own food, have our own water supply, etc. Would anyone, or has anyone, considered this? What are the pros and cons? The financial risk of going in on a property with other people is a big one for us, and the potential for disagreements and arguments between people who are currently very good friends. But the benefits of it could be substantial, especially considering the uncertainty of the future. Combining skills and resources and creating our own community. Posting on 'preppers' to hopefully get opinions from people who have seriously considered or have experience of this - but any thoughts are welcome!

NoFreeLoveHere · 21/08/2024 21:25

EveSix · 21/08/2024 08:54

I grew up 'commune adjacent' and have since lived in a commune for many years.

You need equity in status, anything else is a recipe for disaster. Complete transparency and clarity of expectation. Every task and responsibility charted and allocated. Joint decision making ideally by consensus.

You need tructures in place before it happens for if or when things go wrong; conflict resolution, reparations, insurance against pretty much every eventuality, expectations for conduct in the event of disagreement. In fact, as counterintuitive as it sounds, don't go into an arrangement like this until you've seen what all intended parties are like under prolonged intense pressure and provocation: this can be eye-opening! And whatever you see, believe it, know it won't change, and factor in whether you can 'work with' x, y or z trait, behaviour, preference or tendency.

You need adequate personal space, including family unit bathrooms and space for older children even if your children are currently small. The care for and upkeep of shared spaces must be a top priority that everyone buys into, at a set standard.

Certain jobs, the less desirable, drudgery ones, should be shared or rotated ideally, and recognised as such, otherwise resentment can breed.

Very wise advice!

Pepinoo · 21/08/2024 21:28

It sounds nice but the only time I hear about communes is in the media where they have turned into weird, controlling cults! I’m sure that’s not always the case but if you fell out with the people it’d be uncomfortable and potentially hard to remove yourselves.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 21/08/2024 21:35

Stayed on one for a couple of months as a student (most people were adults/families though)

I don't think it's a good idea. People's relationships get crossed over too many times (his son fell out with my daughter 5 years ago etc) and someone will shag someone they shouldn't, or someone will think that someone wants to shag someone they shouldn't, and the whole thing will go toxic.

It's too intense.

Staunchlystarling · 21/08/2024 21:36

What do you mean prepare for the future op? Do you mean getting old, or some weird the world will end stuff?

MotherOfCrocodiles · 21/08/2024 21:39

I'm would, however, absolutely love in house share with carefully chosen older women when I am old. Loved my house share in my 20s, we all said when our husbands are dead of old age we should get back together

catsnore · 21/08/2024 21:47

My brother lived in one for a bit. Everyone owned their own space/house/flat/cottage but communally owned the grounds/gardens (think converted Manor House and outbuildings).

Some things worked well. People worked together for common goals, made friends, had support. Kids could run wild together. Community spaces encouraged running courses etc. and they grew loads of food.

Not so good: because consensus was required for every decision, nothing ever got decided. The tree branch threatening a building was never cut down because one person was against cutting trees down. They were given a hot tub and had fifty meetings about where it was going to go and who was going to look after it and it just sat in pieces in a shed. It was hard to sell properties on as not everyone is attracted to that lifestyle, and also the buyers had to meet everyone and be approved before they were allowed to purchase.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 21/08/2024 21:59

If one family wants out then you advertise for a new family to join. Thats how its usually done I believe.
Ive lived in several communities of different sorts.

Lots of fun times but also really frustrating/not fun stuff. Lots of great people but also others that urgh (you really discover a lot about peoples habits when you live so closely together!)
Would I do it again........yes maybe. but also........ maybe not! Pros and cons as with every living situation (I currently live on my own)

Diggers and Dreamers is a go to resource. Diggers and Dreamers – Intentional Community in Britain

WhatNext24 · 21/08/2024 22:00

I'm not sure what the right financial setup is but think communal living could be a great solution to many of the challenges we will face in the near future in terms of climate change, ageing populations, social isolation, etc. Plus potentially very economical.

There are quite a few models in the Nordics I believe. I'm not sure what to link to but try googling.

I once bought a property with a friend. We were both single and in our early 30s, sick of renting. Everyone told us not to, it would end the friendship, we would fall out over money, etc. etc. Nope. We had a ball and both made money on the sale.

WhatNext24 · 21/08/2024 22:02

catsnore · 21/08/2024 21:47

My brother lived in one for a bit. Everyone owned their own space/house/flat/cottage but communally owned the grounds/gardens (think converted Manor House and outbuildings).

Some things worked well. People worked together for common goals, made friends, had support. Kids could run wild together. Community spaces encouraged running courses etc. and they grew loads of food.

Not so good: because consensus was required for every decision, nothing ever got decided. The tree branch threatening a building was never cut down because one person was against cutting trees down. They were given a hot tub and had fifty meetings about where it was going to go and who was going to look after it and it just sat in pieces in a shed. It was hard to sell properties on as not everyone is attracted to that lifestyle, and also the buyers had to meet everyone and be approved before they were allowed to purchase.

This doesn't sound like a commune though. Just a share of freehold setup that is quite common.

EbonyRaven · 21/08/2024 22:07

No. Not in a million years would I do this, but I'm a bit of a free spirit. I like to do things on my own a lot. Also like my me time and privacy and a very quiet environment.

I enjoy being with DH some of the time and my adult children some of the time too ... I've got a couple of friends who I'll see every one to two months. But I do enjoy being with just me.

I don't like big meet-up groups (like the local over 50s group,) I don't like big social gatherings, and I can't think anything worse than being in a big walking group and much rather to walk on my own.

I genuinely couldn't think of anything worse than living in a big settlement with three or four dozen other people. Just my opinion. I'm sure it'll work for some.

Thelnebriati · 08/09/2024 23:27

I've worked in collectives and seen some of the ways they can go wrong, so agree with the comment about putting strategies in place for conflict resolution.
Making decisions by consensus is a PITA, it leads to endless meetings and discussions.
The worst thing is they seem to attract some really strange, bad hat characters and people aren't very good at dealing with them.
(We had one person wait out an 18 month introductory period and then as soon as she got a permanent place, she revealed herself as a psycho troublemaker. She got rid of 4 rivals within 3 months, closed the business and sold it for a profit.)

caringcarer · 09/09/2024 03:34

Not the same but I have 2 sets of friends who jointly bought a holiday home over 25 years ago. They each had their own bedrooms and there was a spare room. Sometimes they went together but sometimes just one family went. They shared all bills 50/50 and it went well. One of partners died and now other couple are wanting to sell up so both in agreement to sell.

Galoop · 09/09/2024 04:42

I feel it's a great idea in theory, but humans being humans it would start to crumble unless there were quite strict rules and values that every one buys into

AnAussieHaiku · 09/09/2024 04:44

Commune politics

Worse than living on the grid

Often end badly

FindingMeno · 20/09/2025 22:56

I've lived in commune.
I think the ideal for me would be a row of houses with each unit/ family dealing with their own rent/ mortgage but all working together in community towards common goals.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 20/09/2025 23:00

Yes, twice in my teens (with mum) and once in my early 30s. Everyone always falls out (not with me, might I add)! It’s worse than a flatshare as people have higher expectations of each other and it’s more painful when it disappoints.