Any advice on how to support friend with premature baby please?

[popspig]

Hi

This is my first post on MN - although I've been lurking for a while - I've an 11 week old DD myself but this post is to ask advice about how I support my friend. She has had her DD 3 months early (I think she was 27 weeks pregnant) and baby is stable and in intensive care.

I've texted back with congratulations and will get her a card and some clothes for the baby. Can anyone recommend where is best? I've seen early baby clothes in Mothercare - are they any good and what should I get?

When my DD was born some friends bought us round some food from M&S which was fab. I think what I'm trying to ask is what else can I do other than the usual when a friend has a baby?

Can you recommend any decent books or websites which might be helpful - my friend likes to be informed so anything which can help her understand more would be great.

Thanks very much for any advice

Thanks for the advice - I felt a bit nervous about asking to visit - but think I will. She'll say no if it's too much for her and that for the advice on the babygros - I'll pop and get her some from Next

I gave birth at 28 weeks, and didn't want friends to visit the ward because of the risk of infection - but it was lovely when they visited me as I stayed on the hospital site for about 4 weeks.

Didn't use really tiny baby clothes, as the nurses need to keep an eye on prem babies stomachs, so they just wear nappies.

I appreciated tiny soft toys - had some nice M&S ones, as they can go in incubators.

One of my friends brought me a goody bag with a mixture of useful and distracting things - magazines, maternity towels, tissues, lip balm, nail varnish & remover, body spray and lots of other bits, which was brilliant.

As for information, I pretty much read every thread in this topic.

thanks ladies - my friend has said she'd love a visit and I can't wait to see her but know that it may be a little while until I can see her DD. It's so strange as the birth of a baby is a wonderful time but it feels scary too.

Thanks for the tips on present ideas - I really like the idea of a soft toy as I used to stuff a toy down my top and use them to settle my DD.

Hi, I had my twin boys in May weighing 2.6 and 3.1 at 28 wks. They are now doing very well after 9 wks in SCBU.
The thing you miss most is the "normal" baby gifts, cards. We actually ended up with two sets of cards, the first round a "thinking of you" type, the next lot "congratulations" when we got them home.
I did appreciate the couple of normal baby cards we recieved early on, but understood why people felt worried to send them so early.
Gift ideas - the prem clothes in Mothercare are great but as someone has said they are not dressed at first. Things for the Mum are a good idea ( and Dad!!) gift vouchers for later, magazines and books for the many hrs spent at the incubator side. Some lovely toiletries and posh handcream, you get very dry hands from all the gel you have to use in case of infection. I hope your friend's baby is o.k, they are amazing - little fighters and the doctors and nurses do a wonderful job. They are in the best possible hands.

HI, my ds2 was born at 28 wks,,the first fe weeks very poorly so I really couldn't focus on anything other than him.
It was good to have visitors but not to have to entertain them iykwim, be prepared to just pop in for a short time, but maybe go for a coffe with your friend.
Boots also do lovely prem baby clothes but i expect it will be a while before the baby is anything more than a nappy & then maybe a hospital gown type thing.

I missed not having the normal new baby cards & presents that ds1 was given, not in a monitary type way but more that people were too anxious or didn't know how to react.

I'm also very grateful now to those that took photos of ds2, as nopw matter how scary at the time they were still his first weeks & now theya re good to look back on. At the time it was not something dh or I thought of.
If its not her first baby, can you help with looking after any other children.
We will be forever grateful to those friends & family who fed & looked after ds1 (who was 3) SCBU can be a boring place for siblings.

What a thoughtful friend you are
My dd was 10 weeks early and spent 5 weeks in SCBU. What I appreciated most was normal congratulations on your baby cards, some nice food sent to us (Cook)by a friend - we weren't getting much time to eat, let alone cook - magazines and texts from people sending their regards/offering to help with ds. Another thing that I really valued was people thinking of ds - sending him cards congratulating him on being a brother and gifts. I enjoyed buying clothes myself as it was the only normal thing I could enjoy iyswim. Maybe a gift voucher might be good so your friend can choose some clothes? Mamas and Papas do a Newborn Petite range which is nice. As already suggested, Boots have some nice stuff. I also got some stuff from Mothercare Early baby range though found colours were limited.

Thanks for all the advice and tips - and it's really encouraging to hear other people's stories too

I've spoken to my friend today and she's sounding really positive and sounds like her DD is doing really well. My friend has been discharged and is at home but going into hospital every day. She's been such a good friend to me I really want to do whatever I can for her.

She's expressing milk for the baby and I've told her this is the best thing she can do for the baby and to keep going with it. Although she says it's strange expressing milk with no baby at home

I've posted her a congrats card today and I'm going over to see them both next week and will take her over some ready meals and cake. I've bought her some stuff today - some posh hand cream, some clothes for the baby in tiny baby sizes so she'll be able to use them at some point, a cuddly toy and an insulated mug (as she loves a cup of tea) and I found it the only way I managed to get a hot tea!

I'll take in some magazines for her too. When my DD was first born I just wanted to look at some nice pictures as didn't have the brain power to concentrate on a book.

thanks all

Popspig, I can remember that expressing at home while ds2 was in SCBU only too well, I just ahd a little polaroid of him on the arm of the chair, just about managing to squeze out 5ml.

It really is a very emotional thing, leaving ds2 in hospital after I was discharged was the toughest thing i have ever ahd to do.

You sound like a lovely friend & I am sure she will appreciate all your support & kindness

Thanks for posting this popspig! My best friend in the world was given an emergency c section this morning at 29 weeks!

Obviously i haven't seen her yet, but thanks to the ideas on this thread i'll be spending tomorrow making her a goody basket of all the things she might need whilst in hospital, ready for when she's ready for visitors.

And a big fat congratulations card signed by everyone we know :-)

My twins were born 6 weeks prem and we hadn't got everything ready at home. So although it may be a long way off before they bring DD home, maybe ask if there is anything you can help prepare for them.
I found lots of people (unhelpfully) saying 'oh at least you can rest while the girls are
in SCBU' By the time I had done my twice daily hospital visits, expressed milk every 3 hrs, walked dogs etc I still had no time.
So perhaps check if they have got moses basket, bedding etc etc. Having said this, it may be a long way off and you may want to wait until things settle before asking.
Fill thier freezer with food! Friends that brought dinner were best friends, friends that brought us plants obviously didn't have children!

Oh have just realised is an old thread.
Hope DD is home and doing well

Even though this is an old thread one thing I would add for anyone asking the same question is to remember that your friends need your support as they come come, and often for weeks afterwards, not so much on the practical things although those too, but also with the huge emotional side of having a prem baby. I thought it would be easier once I was home, and often it is, but its bloody hard work, there are always additional worries about developement, infections and any ongoing issues and just because the baby gets home in my experience at least friends who at least listen to me now I'm home, and understand that I still have very mixed feelings about my ds and his early weeks, as well as have he tiredness of a 20 wweek old baby alongside a baby who is in effect only 9 weeks old are wonderful. I need rl friends as much now as I did 20 weeks ago, but obviously others have other priorities which I understand completely so its very welcome when my rl friends make an effort even by a call or an email just to say how are you doing and remembering that its not the same as having a term baby.