I failed my 34 weeker

[Matthew54]

i just need someone to listen.

i am an expat in the UK and just gave birth to my son at 34+5 days gestation. Where im from originally, that’s an automatic week NICU stay. Instead, I was sent home after 72 hours even though my son was lethargic after receiving photo therapy treatment.

Two days later and we are back in the PEDs ward at the alleged best hospital in the city because the NICU and post natal won’t take him since he has been discharged.

I hate the midwives that discharged him despite my concerns. I hate that everyone keeps asking if he’s my “first baby” as if I’m overreacting that he needs to be treated for jaundice for the second time in less than a week. I hate myself for not carrying him despite no signs there was a problem before.

i am terrified he has brain damage. His room isn’t finished. And all I can do is stare at him on a bili pad and pray there’s nothing seriously wrong.

I'm not sure that books would help. Every baby is different, and when you're in the premmie space, you cannot rely on absolutes.

You can't say "67% of all babies who is born at x weeks who gets jaundice will get meningitis, 22% will be deaf..." do you see what I mean? I think you need to find someone he will listen to. Will he listen to midwives? If so, that's good. If not, find a doctor who will listen to him for 10 minutes.

That's not what Maybe was saying. You said it was disgusting that babies arent readmitted to NICU and she was explaining the valid reason for this.

@PinkButtercups do you often find reading comprehension difficult?

Your exact quote: "I'm disgusted they wouldn't let him back in NICU. The hospital sounds absolutely disgusting!". I explained to you why it is not 'disgusting' to not admit outside world babies into NICU.

I'm not sure why you think I have misunderstood you - I think you have entirely misunderstood me and are much more focused on terrorising a panicked new mum about her hospital care being 'disgusting' when in fact the part you were objecting to is entirely standard. But don't let the facts of NICU/Paeds care get in the way of your drama-stirring. Have another eye roll from me.

That's a good idea, it's a scary time for everyone and no doubt a total shock for you all.

I’m going to get a private pediatrician referral to come do a home visit with us as well.

I’m one of five children and worked with children to put myself through university. It provides a lot of helpful context for me that he simply doesn’t have. I think he’s deeply grieving what this post partum experience was meant to look like and is struggling.

As much as I was devastated he can’t be in the NICU, I spoke to the care team here and now understand why. It obviously wasn’t ideal, but they explained the infection risk.

Obviously I would have wanted him to go there in the first instance, but his APGARS were 7 and 9 after birth and he was feeding and breathing well (at the time). This thread has helped stabilize me a bit in regards to my expectations here.

Stay strong, you're doing fine. We've all been there. You have an idea of a perfect birth in your head and when it all goes wrong (as many do) you have to readjust your expectations. Your husband really does have to toughen up though. The birth and early illness are just stage 1. There will be many, many more scares and things going wrong and you son being or doing something you didn't envision for him. It's never perfect, which is hard for perfectionists (such as myself) to deal with, I know. But it's never perfect and you have to keep reminding yourself it could also be much worse.

My son also had a suspected infection after all the birth drama, as well as the jaundice and we were kept on for an extra (torturous) 5 days waiting for them to get test results back (over new year) while he was put on antibiotics, it all turned out fine and he didn't have meningitis in ten end, so hopefully your baby will also not have it and all the signs are positive so fingers crossed. Even if he does, they started treatment straight away so hopefully it will be controlled and mild.

Symtay strong! It will all be better once you get home.

Not at all.
I'm a mother of two prem babies. I've been in her shoes with the fear. Would never dramatise it or make her feel fearful. How dare you.

You want to be nasty go be nasty elsewhere. Careful with your eye rolling, you might hurt yourself 😘

Love the assumption that I have not been in her shoes...!

Telling her the hospital is disgusting when they are following policy is causing drama and you should be ashamed.

Hi, I hope you've had a good of day today. My twins were 34 weekers. The bigger of the 2 went to Nicu as he struggled with breathing and had jaundice. He was given antibiotics as a precaution and nil by mouth until the blood results came back. My smaller twin was fine and stayed with me. She then developed jaundice, was discharged when it reached a certain level but was monitored several times a week for over a month. Prolonged jaundice. They were both small, less than 4lb and that I understand is one of the criteria for Nicu admission. If your baby had hood agpar score, good weight? They would discharge quite quickly. Oh and 2 of my children have 'failed' hearing screening post birth. It's normally as a result of fluid in the ear post birth. Both were re tested and passed. All babies are happy and healthy toddlers now xxxxx

We have different opinions and that's fine.

Let's no derail the thread anymore.

OP, wishing a speedy recovery for your little one x

Yes I agree @PinkButtercups no need.

Hi everyone,

As an update, we were discharged after 5 days. All of his tests came back negative for infection, so they let us go.

We are obviously still finding our ground, and I’m concerned about his weight gain, but I am hopeful we won’t have to go back for some time.

So glad he's back home and he has no infection Matthew Hope he goes from strength to strength

So glad you're at home and he got the okay to go home x

And also glad he is all good! If he still has jaundice (mine all had jaundice too) not sure what they advised to but my midwives advised to pop crib under a window where there is a lot of light but not directly on their face etc and feed often as it flushes the jaundice out. This was the advise I was given though so not sure if it's just standard advice or what my midwives said x

That is wonderful. I hope you're going to get some serious TLC at home. You need some mothering too after what you have been through.

As long as he's not losing weight try to go easy on yourself. I look back at the pressure I was put under to get my premmie up in weight quickly and it wasn't necessary. We also had undiagnosed tongue tie so it took over 12 weeks to establish breastfeeding and I didn't have good support in how to slowly withdraw the cup feeds.

OP, tell your husband to have a look at the Tommys website - 34 weekers have the same outcomes as babies born at term.

That's a good update op. Based on what you have said it is sounding very positive. When you said he was feeding well I thought that was a very good sign.

Oh no don't blame yourself I know I know the guilt is there but genuinely you need to let it go.

My dd is in her 20s was a 35 weeker was in nicu had the jaundice treatment, also ended up back in for a few days with low blood sugar I think it was

Thank you for this resource!
My cousin had triplet boys born at 34 weeks in the US - all three of them are doing very well now. It’s anecdotal, but things like this can help ground my husband.

You can't say what you would do you're not OP in OPs or husband's shoes. How does this even matter?!

Congratulations on your baby and finally coming home x