Preemie acting stressed all the time

[Babylloyd2022]

Hi everyone

Just looking for some support or advice what to do. Our LO was born at 31 weeks and is now 1 week corrected and came home after 50 days in NICU/SCBU.

I feel like she is stressed or acting very different since being home, she has no feeding cues and just cries when she wakes for a feed, once I feed her she is just stressed and eyes are wide, hands splayed, tongue out and eyes averted/head turning. She now hates skin to skin with me or my husband and gets very upset if we try it she also hates being touched for a cuddle and gets extremely stressed if we play with her. I just feel hopeless as a mother as I can only feed her and is the only time she is calm 😔 any similar stories and how you overcame it would be so helpful right now as I feel so low in myself.

No advice but giving you a hopeful bump and some

I can say you're not a hopeless mum though, you helped your baby through NICU and now giving her all the love in the world. You are amazing, and she's lucky to have you x

Have you asked your Unit (if you’re still under it) or your health visitor?
My DD was born at 31 weeks too and my HV was invaluable and visited us weekly for 6 months after she was discharged from the Unit. Even though HV wasn’t especially knowledgeable on premature babies.
Maybe your DD has trapped wind?

Congratulations on your LO and well done on getting home. NICU life is hard! You are def not hopeless.

Were you given a community NICU nurse? DD was only in for 2 weeks with sepsis, but we were given a nurse's contact details and we were able to message her with any queries. Then she called and checked in once a week for a month after discharge. I'd say its definitely worth getting in touch if so.

Equally, we had weekly HV visits until 12 weeks and then monthly until just recently (9 months old) - your HV might be able to advise or help you get a speedy GP appointment?

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice🤍

I've spoke to my HV today and they have put me in touch with a specialist for bonding - they are hoping to do an assessment next week for my LO so I hope they can help us with the issues we face at the moment. Just feel so useless I can't figure out why this is happening it's getting me down ☹️ thanks again everyone x

Sending huge hugs,
Have you come across looking after your premature baby by Inga warren and Cherry Bond? It's a great starting point and lots of practical suggestions, Inga is a specialist occupational therapist for preterm babies so gives great advice.
Playing might be a little way off yet but you might be able to introduce some baby massage (just a couple of minutes at first) as one activity to do together.
Does she like non nutritive sucking on a clean finger or soother? If she enjoys feeding it might be that part of that is the comfort and reassurance of sucking.
Reducing light might help, often what feels normal to us feels really really bright for preterm babies.
Does she like being gently rocked or patted at all? It might be worth trying a wrap sling to gently move around in, as close as returning to womb like conditions as you can get.
Have you tried a swaddled bath or bathing together?
How long have you been home? All the new sounds and smells may be feeling very overwhelming for little one.
I hope soon she adjusts and you can enjoy being together xxx

*with the sucking you could use it throughout lots of the other activities to help her to cope.

Is she in the same schedule as at the hospital? It may be she needs more time to rest and recover between feeds and less stimulation at the moment as she adjusts. Sleep is when the magic is happening on preterm brains.

Also is she missing the noise from the hospital? My DD was born at 28 weeks and spent 12 weeks in hospital. She was attached to machines that beep etc all the time and she really struggled with the lack of noise when she came home.