Difficulty bonding

[crazychemist]

I’m guessing I’m not the first person to find it difficult to bond with premature babies - if you did, how did you get past it?

My DTwins were born at 35 weeks (so not hugely premature) because at a scan it was picked up that their placenta (they shared one) was starting to fail and the twins were showing mild signs of distress. So out they came the next day by emergency section. They were whisked off to SCBU immediately (one was having some breathing difficulties, one had very low blood sugar), and my husband was able to go with them. They were in SCBU for 10 days (so not that long in the scheme of things) and were only in the incubator for the first week of that.

Since they came home I’ve been trying to bond with them in the same way I did with my DD when she was born (full term), but I’m finding it really hard. Their due date is this weekend, so they are now awake for a bit each day and I’d like to feel close to them. The problem is, they are still struggling with feeding - I’m trying to breastfeed, but they are still quite weak and not very good feeders even now they are nearly at their due date and are over 5lb 5oz. I express to bottle feed them as much as possible, and use formula overnight (I never have time to express enough for all their bottles, even though I had plenty of supply to start with and had much more than they needed in SCBU). Right now, I’m in the kitchen pumping (again!) while my mum cuddles one and my DH cuddles the other. They sleep peacefully on them, but if I try to hold them for a snuggle they are instantly awake and rooting because I smell like milk. But then they can’t settle as they can’t get enough out to satisfy them, and while they are getting unhappy on me I’m not pumping so then I don’t have anything to give them.....

How do you get past this? I don’t want to exclusively use formula - although I use it, both boys seem to struggle with it a bit. The more I give them, the more they struggle with mild constipation, which the neonatal nurse said was not unusual for small babies on formula. But struggling with breastfeeding is making me feel miserable. I had no trouble at all feeding my DD and feel rubbish that I’m having to treat the twins differently and that it affects how I spend time with them.

I’m aware as they get bigger, feeding will be a smaller proportion of their awake time, but it feels like that’s still such a long way off. Any tips? I can’t be the first person to struggle feeding twins.

It's really hard when they come home, Just know it will get better, I can't help with how to feed twins but my Prem (28 weeks) I expressed for and bottle feed, I used to feed him and pump at the same time get settled on the sofa get a boob plugged in and bottle feed him other side, just try and pump as much as u can should hopefully build ur supply back up, also having them close while u pump can help
Are you on the fb group it's for premmies Will get a far better response on there

www.facebook.com/groups/615509418591662/?ref=share

Some really good advice from 88bowie. Def worth joining a fb group for more ideas.

Have you considered using a wrap/sling when you hold them, and moving about? They might settle better without rooting, to give you more snuggle time. I found it very helpful to keep my preemie in the wrap most of the day, but I only had one!

I also found I got more milk from letting my baby suckle on one side while I expressed, or just letting them practice suck as much as possible.

And don’t beat yourself up. Your body is at the 1 month stage but your babies are only just newborns, so you aren’t matched in time. At this stage most mums of full term babies are still recovering from birth before their milk even comes in. You have plenty of time still for newborn bonding.

@88bowie I haven’t had any luck with pumping while feeding. I did this with my DD, but m DTwins are not cooperative about feeding so I need both hands!

@peakotter I am a huge fan of slings. But they don’t often settle there unless they’ve got a totally full tummy, they just wriggle and root looking for food. I also found that I’d get one settled, and then it would be time to either feed the other or pump, and I can’t do either with one in the sling!

Thank you both for your support. I keep reminding myself that they are tiny and won’t pick up on anything from me and there’s plenty of time to bond when they are a bit bigger and don’t spend the whole day either feeding or sleeping.

@crazychemist have you tired one of those pumping bras so u could go hands free ? I know it took a while to get in the swing of it when he came home, had the boppy with him on one side with bottle and pump on the other side balanced.
Would say try and do loads of quick pumps for a few days 5 mins every 20-30mins to help build up ur supply and loads and loads of water,
And it's ok if u choose to stop, ur mental health is just as important. feed is best which Eva way u can, I know how hard pumping is and must be double as hard with twins
U got this mamma XX

Hi,
It must be so difficult having gone though that and now having to deal with TWINS.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you may just need to lower your expectations of feeding. I.e. pump and store or go exclusively to formula. Fed is best, and the minimal benefits of breastfeeding (the science is weak sauce, and has taken on a weird cult following) are far outweighed by The presence of a rested, functional mummy.

Having said that, this post was from a few months ago and so I expect things have settled now?