My baby was born at 36 weeks by c section due to growth issues (placenta failure), it was decided he was safer out than it. We spent just over two weeks in hospital due to feeding/latching issues. After about a week he would latch with a nipple shield but was still not putting on weight so they were topping him up a bit down a feeding tube with pumped milk. We were on a two then three then four hour schedule of attempting to feed, topping up down the tube, then pumping. The extension to four hours was in the hopes it would make him wake up more and demand more feeds but he didn't really, he was very sleepy in those first two weeks. I was told mixed things at the time, by medical staff, some that it was normal that once he was bigger he would get stronger and be able to put on weight from breastfeeding alone but then another nurse expressed surprise it was taking so long. I decided to continue attempting to breastfeed but top up with the bottle so that I was allowed to leave hospital. Once I got home things changed pretty quickly, baby started waking up and demanding more. I struggled to pump enough and pretty much right away had to top up with formula. He would normally cry when put to the breast until he got the bottle. I did have a lactation consultant talking to me on the phone but no one saw me in person due to lockdown. There were still concerns about his weight so even though I had really wanted to breastfeed it became easier just to give the bottle knowing he would be happy with that and was more likely to put on weight. I gave up trying after a few weeks but still pumped for a few months although he was majority formula at that point.
I see stuff all around about the benefits of breastfeeding, formula causes obesity, more likely to get sick etc etc and I feel so sad.
I also hear stories about people in similar positions to me that kept trying and eventually breastfeeding worked and I think I shouldn't have given up so soon. At the time I was exhausted by trying to keep up with trying to breastfeed and then topping up with the bottle and pumping only to never get enough. He also got reflux so we had to spend long periods holding him upright or he would just vomit and cry. In retrospect though I think if I had asked for more help and support it could have worked...I just really didn't want to stay in hospital as due to covid lockdown I was mainly just alone there.
I don't really know what I'm looking for as it's too late now but would be nice to hear from people that can relate.