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Premature birth

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Sad about giving up breastfeeding - late pre term baby

8 replies

alliej11 · 14/09/2020 23:13

My baby was born at 36 weeks by c section due to growth issues (placenta failure), it was decided he was safer out than it. We spent just over two weeks in hospital due to feeding/latching issues. After about a week he would latch with a nipple shield but was still not putting on weight so they were topping him up a bit down a feeding tube with pumped milk. We were on a two then three then four hour schedule of attempting to feed, topping up down the tube, then pumping. The extension to four hours was in the hopes it would make him wake up more and demand more feeds but he didn't really, he was very sleepy in those first two weeks. I was told mixed things at the time, by medical staff, some that it was normal that once he was bigger he would get stronger and be able to put on weight from breastfeeding alone but then another nurse expressed surprise it was taking so long. I decided to continue attempting to breastfeed but top up with the bottle so that I was allowed to leave hospital. Once I got home things changed pretty quickly, baby started waking up and demanding more. I struggled to pump enough and pretty much right away had to top up with formula. He would normally cry when put to the breast until he got the bottle. I did have a lactation consultant talking to me on the phone but no one saw me in person due to lockdown. There were still concerns about his weight so even though I had really wanted to breastfeed it became easier just to give the bottle knowing he would be happy with that and was more likely to put on weight. I gave up trying after a few weeks but still pumped for a few months although he was majority formula at that point.
I see stuff all around about the benefits of breastfeeding, formula causes obesity, more likely to get sick etc etc and I feel so sad.
I also hear stories about people in similar positions to me that kept trying and eventually breastfeeding worked and I think I shouldn't have given up so soon. At the time I was exhausted by trying to keep up with trying to breastfeed and then topping up with the bottle and pumping only to never get enough. He also got reflux so we had to spend long periods holding him upright or he would just vomit and cry. In retrospect though I think if I had asked for more help and support it could have worked...I just really didn't want to stay in hospital as due to covid lockdown I was mainly just alone there.
I don't really know what I'm looking for as it's too late now but would be nice to hear from people that can relate.

OP posts:
SBTLove · 14/09/2020 23:15

Don’t be hard on yourself, your baby is fed and that’s the most important thing.
Worry less and enjoy your wee boy 🥰

StealthPolarBear · 14/09/2020 23:17

You've done brilliantly - in general, and then especially considering lockdown. Let go of the guilt and make the most of your baby. He's one of the lucky ones.

StealthPolarBear · 14/09/2020 23:18

Lucky ones because he has op for a mother. Not a comment on bf/ff.

dannydyerismydad · 14/09/2020 23:19

It's ok to mourn the experience you planned, but try not to let it overshadow the huge effort you actually went to. Pumping is hard. Doubly hard at least compared to feeding directly. You did your absolute best.

As parents one of our jobs is to support our children's choices - sometimes, even as babies they make choices we wouldn't have made for them.

Teachermum93 · 24/05/2021 23:34

You should be really proud of yourself. You’ve done your best so don’t be so hard on yourself. A fed baby is a happy baby and a happy momma= happy baby. My story is similar to yours but I ‘gave up’ at 4 weeks as my post natal depression and anxiety of feeds got really bad. Now my boy is thriving on formula and is happy and sleeping. He would always cry and continue to be hungry after breastfeeding. I know of many babies who were breastfed but still kept becoming sick and getting infections. Similarly, I know many formula fed babies who hardly ever get sick! Don’t worry too much and enjoy your time with your little one.

applesarethebest · 06/06/2021 02:44

My preemie was too sleepy to nurse for long enough so I had to top him up with formula as he wasn't getting enough from me (confirmed by the doctor). I had plenty of milk so I expressed, but it really took it out of me physically and mentally and I stopped when DS was a few weeks old. He is thriving on formula and little bits of my remaining milk stash from the freezer - but I have to sneak it into his bottles as he has gone off the taste of my milk Confused

I wonder if things could have been different but I just try to focus on my chubby boy who is catching up so nicely after a tough few weeks when he was born.

BeBraveAndBeKind · 18/07/2021 10:12

Please please don't beat yourself up over this. DS1 was delivered at 33 weeks and I expressed for the weeks that he was in SCBU and he had it via an NG tube. He came home as breastfed with a small top up of formula but within a month, my supply had dropped and I had to give up. He was so tiny that feeding was exhausting for him and he was losing weight. I felt horribly guilty and like I'd failed him but knew that it was the best thing for him. He's now a 6'3" very healthy teenager.

aiwblam · 18/07/2021 10:18

OP you tried your absolute best - totally forget about this. Your baby will be absolutely fine on formula. I was exclusively breast fed and as an adult I am a fatty who loves food 🤣. I also exclusively breastfed my now 15yo son. The eating issues I have had with him since are pretty major - at 3, he would eat nothing but crackers and chips. Now he is 15, he’s still very fussy. I mean I fed the bugger from the breast for over a year - no pumping even!! I also EBF dd who’s now a teen. As a little kid she had very frequent chest infections requiring antibiotics. Neither ever had a single drop of formula.

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