Premature Baby 31 Weeks

[anxiousdad20]

Hi all, I’ve actually just signed up to this site specifically for this and was wondering if anyone could give me any advice, reassurance.
DW has just given birth at 31 weeks, this was unexpected. She had a low lying placenta which was picked up at the 20 week scan. Placenta previa. In most cases this isn’t a problem and the placenta moves. We were given a scan date for week 32, we didn’t get that far.
Basically in the last three weeks, DW was getting some bleeds. She called the midwife team and went to the hospital. On each occasion, she was sent home, and told to monitor it. Nothing to really worry about as baby was ok and bleed had stopped.
Fast forward to yesterday and she has a bigger bleed at home. I rush her into hospital, the bleed continues. The doctors say that she must have the baby there and then, there’s no alternative.
So baby was born and took straight into the special care baby unit. Doing ok, and not put on a ventilation unit. Positive so far.
After having a normal first pregnancy with no issues, this came as real challenge.
Hospital have been lovely though.
Obviously I’m very worried and anxious about baby being born this early, although appreciate there wasn’t an alternative.
Has anyone got any positive experiences of premature babies?
I’m at my wits end and feel totally out of control. DW is doing ok and still in hospital.
Thank you for reading.

Both of mine have been prem, NICU can be very emotionally and physically draining. Make sure you and you wife have plenty of food and drinks with you, dont forget to look after yourselves

Its okay to go home and rest. Dont feel like you have to be sat next to the incubator every second of every day. Baby is in the best place and you can always ring the unit to ask how babys doing. Leaving a bit earlier to Go out for dinner or go home early to rest/ take a breather is nothing to feel guilty about.

Its very easy to forget youve just given birth when babys in NICU, so try remind mum of that.

Congratulations to you both x

Hopeful and Beauty- thanks that’s reassuring.
Felicity- that’s great too!

Congratulations on your new arrival! DS was born at 33+3, spent around 48 hours on a ventilator and struggled to get his bowels moving but was otherwise fine. He spent 18 days in SCBU before he came home. He's now 2.5 and lying next to me giving me cuddles.

I noticed you mentioned you had planned to formula feed, if your wife struggles with expressing please ask the nurses about donor breast milk. Many people are not aware this is an option. We were offered and used it for DS as I was struggling emotionally and couldn't cope with expressing, especially with trying to find time for DD who was 2.5 at the time. It was a huge weight lifted the day the nurses suggested it to me.

Christmas- that’s kind , thank you.
Gin- yes it’s going to be hard leaving baby there, but it’s the way it is and I suppose we’re more fortunate than others.
I’m so glad we have wonderful people in the NHS, their not just doing their jobs, it’s genuine care. I couldn’t do their jobs so glad they do x

Zebra- thanks I had no idea about diner milk. I’ll mention this later. Does it matter if the mother has already used her milk? Sorry my knowledge of this is nil. I guess if the mother struggles to express then the hospital must have a plan B..

Doner milk not diner milk.

Dts were born at 31+2, 3lb each. One on a ventilator for 24 hours after that no real issues apart from needing to grow. We came home after 56 days. 9 year olds now and no issues at all.

@anxiousdad20

Zebra- thanks I had no idea about diner milk. I’ll mention this later. Does it matter if the mother has already used her milk? Sorry my knowledge of this is nil. I guess if the mother struggles to express then the hospital must have a plan B..

I know you didn't ask me this question! But no, donor milk can be used alongside mother's EBM (expressed breast milk). Donor milk is from a mother of a months old baby (because of the rules about having an established milk supply before you can donate) so it doesn't have quite as many calories as a baby's mum's milk, which is specific for a preterm baby. So a baby's mum's milk will always be the first choice, but donor milk is gentle on the baby's gut like EBM is so if your wife struggles with her supply then it's definitely worth asking about! But the staff will probably ask you about it too.

Yes I have a positive story! Not mine but only a few months ago the same thing happened to my friend. It wasn't a placenta issue it was a cervix issue but the doctors said there is a very very high chance that the baby is totally fine born at 31 weeks and will just need to stay in until due date as lungs still developing and there's a risk of infection. Now the baby is just your typical baby just on the small side but perfectly healthy! The doctors are amazing so try not to worry. Xx

I’m sorry if I didn’t thank everyone individually. You taking the time to answer this thread means a lot to me.
It’s nice that the advice and reassurance of posters online can be a big help.
I know leaving hospital and baby there will be tough, more so for DW ( or any mother in this situation).
This is the situation we have to deal with and we must be strong and come through the other side.
I’m sure there will be some tough days in the next few weeks but better days will return- I’m sure of it.
Thank you ounce again.

I had both of mine at 33 weeks. I found the Bliss charity very supportive with lots of up to date information.
Both fine now with no issues. Alhough the first was a nightmare with feeding to be honest, but he got there in the end.

Hi OP, it sounds like you both were shocked at the speed of the decision for DW to give birth but it sounds like she and baby are being looked after.

I don’t have experience of placenta previa I and my brother were both Born at 30 weeks 40-odd years ago! My sister was 35 weeks, as was my daughter. Whilst it took us all a little time to “catch-up” as babies There was no difference by the time we got to school and No health issues now !

Good luck !

Sounds like you’re doing great so far. Its good that baby got the steroids before she was born.

My third was born five years ago at 25 weeks and is doing really well now. The only problem is getting her into the ‘correct’ school year. The vast majority of 31 weekers do just fine.

I agree with pp about lots of skin to skin, it has been shown to affect brain development even in the few weeks you are in neonatal. They often go into a deep sleep and it seems pointless, but actually that is what they need to grow well. That is something that you can do to give your wife a break. Bring a good book!

Also for expressing consider hiring a hospital grade pump from medela or similar. It works out a couple of pounds a day and was well worth it for the first months, especially if juggling older kids.

Take care of each other. It can be a stressful time with the rollercoaster of emotions. Sending prayers your way.

Just been catching up on these messages. It is reassuring. Baby is obviously in the SCBU but not in the high dependency room ( there are several rooms depending on they care needed). Just been to visit him. Doing ok but in incubator tonight ( to help control) Apparently nothing to worry about, of course I do worry though.

DH born at 31 weeks 33 years ago
He's 6ft 3, v academic and in a well paid job, has always been v healthy. He's shit at housework but I knew that when I married him

Also DD born 33+6 weighing only 1.6kg. I met loads of mums in NICU who had tiny babies, they all did fine although they often have a tough first year as they can be hit hard by normal bugs.

Ask about bronchiolitis and DEMAND the RSV vaccine. I wish I had known, maybe I could have prevented DD being ventilated with it at 3m

My experience was very similar to yours (low lying placenta, bleeds and DD born at 32 weeks); my D caught up size wise by 6 months and by 12 months meeting her developmental milestones. For now though I’d say take each day as it comes, try not to look too much into the future and get help from family and friends if you can (our family did our food shopping so that we could concentrate on spending time with DD in hospital). Also when your DW comes out of hospital make sure she’s rests and doesn’t run herself down trying to do everything.

Just dropping by to say I was born at 33 weeks in 1980. I turned 40 in March. I wast ventilated but I was pretty small and spent three weeks in hospital- mainly because my big bro had whooping cough and they couldn't risk that on my little lungs!

Sending lots of positivity for your family and little one.

Oh and also for the future (in a few weeks or couple of months time) ask about the after birth services for your hospital. These things can have a lasting effect for mums and dads and it’s helpful to talk it through with the after birth service

I don’t think you can demand the RSV vaccine - as far as I’m aware it’s very expensive for the NHS and there’s strict criteria according to which it’s allocated. I think we just got it as my preemie had chronic lung disease.

Thanks again for your replies. I’m just trying to get through the days. DW is being discharged tomorrow so will be home.
I know she’s struggling and missing our other little one.
The days just seem to go so slow.

You’ll soon get into a routine and time will pass faster. Have you got any childcare for your older one? Have your employers been ok with leave? I found it helpful to drop my older kids with a friend sometimes. Don’t feel bad about asking for favours from people- a lot of folk want to help but don’t know what to offer. Food, childcare and chocolate were top of my list!

(Also don’t worry about RSV. It’s direct antibodies not a vaccine and is very expensive so only given to extremely high risk babies, normally those on home oxygen. )

Peajotter- yes we have friends and family that can help with child care. That really helps.
DW is on maternity leave.
I’m on furlough but due to return next week. My employer has given me a few more weeks leave that I have owed to me , plus they said I’ll be entitled to paternity leave and can take it when I want to.

If you can find out about RSV antibodies thing do. It never hurts to ask. I wish now I had known about it, I would have paid for it if that was possible. It nearly killed DD.

I just checked online the cost to NHS of palivizumab is about 5k.

I'm guessing the week DD spent in PICU sedated on a ventilator, plus the week on cpap in HDU, followed by another week on cpap in HDU a month later will have cost the NHS far more. She was prem & tiny due to IUGR, the Drs we saw in PICU said it was a given she would get it badly.

I would pay that £5k myself in a wink to avoid what we had last winter.