Help! I am heading to meltdown

[BeanEm]

My DS was born at 28+2. So is 16 weeks old but corrected is 5 weeks. He is on Gaviscon and omeprazole for reflux.
He is exclusively breast fed. Feeds seem to last 40 minutes to an hour sometimes. I've got a good supply, so even during comfort sucks, he is always getting fed. I do breast compressions when he falls asleep too to make sure he is getting plenty. But this has been going on for quite and while and I'm getting exhausted. He is hardly napping during the day as he wakes up if you move him from the breast to wind him or put him down for a few minutes peace. So my days are spent with a baby either attached to a boob or lying on me somehow.
Then night time, we bath him at about half 6 then give a bottle so I get a break, we get him settled around half 7ish then wake him at half 10/11 so he sleeps a bit longer. He was sleeping until 3/4 now its 1/2. However, he now doesn't go back down. He falls asleep feeding but as soon as you put him back into his cot he lasts anywhere up to 30 minutes before he starts gurgling and coughing then starts crying this inevitably leads into the next feed so, feed him but then he pukes and wakes up even more or he does a massive poo so we have to change him. This then carries on until my partner takes him to another room to sleep on his chest so I can nap then we swap when we wakes up again. We get nothing done in the day anymore. The last few days even a walk doesn't keep him asleep.

I just need some advice as to where I'm going wrong! Should I not be waking him up before bed? (I'm worried that if I don't he will wake up when we've had hardly any sleep and then his process of not sleeping will start earlier. At least just now we get a couple of hours!) Should I let him feed for shorter times? Should I give up on trying to get him down at half 6?
I just feel like a bit of a failure and I'm in a permanent state of exhaustion and me and my partner are just getting so frustrated.
I'm a FTM and lockdown is really getting to me, my mum is 400 miles away, this isn't how it was supposed to be.

Hello my love you sound exhausted.

It sounds like my DS at 16 weeks and it did pass, we used a sleepy head, it sounds very much like 4 month sleep regression and my husband still isnt sure how we survived it.

I'd defo try and invest in a sling so you can get things done and a travel flask and a good box set

I know it's hard, but this will pass I promise. We used to settle ds with classic fm on a tshirt of mine I'd been wearing.

We also gave up for a while and ended up co sleeping, I was exhausted.

Hes 8 months now and hes back to his he was I'd say fr. Around 20 weeks.

Can it be a 4 month regression when he's technically only 1 month? I get so confused with the actual and corrected age for development and stuff! I have a sling but things I need to do around the house aren't conducive to it, we are redecorating, trying to catch up so we are ready to sell.

Tried co sleeping but I just get paranoid about rolling onto him or dropping him. Sometimes though that doesn't help. It's not even always crying more like a whine.

He's still awake now despite feeding almost 3 hours ago.... he's yawning but will not drop off.

Sounds like my (non prem) dc1 at a month old. He was comfort sucking a lot. I tried everything but a sling and co-sleeping worked best for me.

With dc3 (the prem) I used a stretchy sling. I could feed in it and keep her there as she slept and get on with lots of jobs (even painting!) Ideally you want your baby to learn to fall asleep without the breast and the sling can help with that.

Also remember that you’re only actually at month 1. It’s tough but it will get better. You end up at newborn stage for so much longer but it does pass eventually. Try to get one good stretch of sleep, even if your dp takes the baby in the sling for a walk or something.

What do you mean by stretchy sling? The ones I've got I don't feel like I can do much more than go for a walk with him in. He can fall asleep not on the boob but at the minute nothing seems to work, not even the boob.

Yes, he's been home since 37 weeks and seems like a newborn most of the time but others, much more advanced.

I just really wish restrictions would ease enough to be able to either go and do something like swimming or meet for a coffee or that someone else can have him even just for an afternoon so I can have a bit of a break. DP is desperately trying to decorate the flat. We go out for walks together but as I said before, even now that's not helping him sleep anymore.

www.sheffieldslingsurgery.co.uk/new-to-slings/types-of-slings/stretchy-wraps/

I used one for my prem from 5lb onwards. I wore it all day over a vest and just popped her in and out. It gave her the closeness that many prems need and I could bf her in it too and then just unlatch and get on. Or rock to sleep and then start work again.

It’s worth trying to get your dh to use it too so that he can multitask while baby sleeps.

Also, do you have anyone nearby who could take baby for a walk with the pram and rain cover on, to let you get a break? It must be so hard having no-one around. It will get better one day.

Ooh I got one like that in my baby box (Scotland based), so I will give it a go!! I did manage to get him to nap a bit in his cot with very loud white noise but that's not working this time so will see if I can get him in a wrap for a bit!!!

I've got DP parents but they are over 70 so technically shielding and his mother had Breast cancer to doubley so...

The baby box sling that I had was a 1-way stretch. (3 years ago, first group!). I’m not sure what they have now. Two way stretch are much easier as you can wear them all day without readjusting so if you do like the sling then I’d buy a 2-way stretch as it’s way less faff. I used the baby box one when the 2-way was in the wash. It seems complex at first but watch a few videos and you’ll get the hang of it.

My ds was only 5 weeks prem - have you tried a dummy op? We used MAM 0-2 month size. Tiny! Ds was a very awake baby - he learned to hold his own hand over the dummy to keep it in at a very young age--tiny thing with wide open eyes and this dummy!! Very sweet!

Just re read that you’re doing a bedtime at 6:30-7:30. You don’t need to be doing that yet if you don’t want to. I kept mine up until much later (evening naps but no bedtime until 10) so that their first long sleep was lined up with my bedtime. They don’t need an early bedtime until they’re a few months old, or not at all if you’re from many cultures!

Like others have said, you must be exhausted, the newborn stage seems to go on forever with a premmie. My DS was 28+0 (he’s now 14 so a long time ago admittedly). When he came back from hospital he would only sleep on his front as that is what he’d done there mainly (things may have changed now). But I was far too terrified of putting him on his front to sleep in the cot without all the monitoring systems they have in hospital. So I propped myself up on pillows right in the middle of our king sized bed (DH delightedly departed to the spare room!), put my dressing gown on to keep warm, and rightly or wrongly let him sleep on his front on my shoulder/chest. I figured that if he fell off he would only roll onto the bed not the floor (he never did). We did this for many weeks. He took much longer to ‘sleep through’ than my full term DD. I also got so exhausted (the stress of the early days/health issues etc) that my milk supply decreased so I ended up moving to bottle feeding when he was 5 months (2 months corrected) which helped a lot with sleep as he was fuller. Go easy on yourself, it’s emotionally exhausting having a premmie, let alone in lockdown with no family support.

Night times have got much better! Settled by half 8 sleeping through until 2/4am! Mostly. DP is giving him bottle of EBM after bath.
Now, day times are the battle. HV gave me pnd questions at his "6" week check and I scored 19/30. Anything above 10 is a concern. Gp has offered pills or counselling on the phone or zoom are options. I don't know what to do. He barely sleeps in the day for longer than half an hour. And when he cries I either get angry or cry too.
Always seems to be something, just when I think I've cracked one thing.
Honestly, I just want my mum. I wish she wasn't 400 miles away!!