Coping with premature birth

[Emmaab94]

Hi,

I'm looking for a bit of advise around how you as mum cope with knowing you're going to be having your baby prematurely.

I'm currently 29 weeks and have been diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, I'm a first time mum although my partner is not and thankfully he's incredibly supportive.

I'm currently admitted into hospital although they are hoping to get me stable enough to go home, but they have send 100% we will be delivering early and she will be in special care until she's strong enough to come home. They have said likely around 32 weeks but obviously they'll try to hold out as long as they can.

I'm surprisingly calm with everything that's gone on in the last week but it's now hitting me that we're not going to be able to take our little one home with us when she's born and I just don't how to start processing that.

I know its for the best for our baby and that's all that matters but I just was hoping there are some mum's out there that can offer any suggestions on ways to cope with everything once she's here. How easy is to still create a bond with your baby? What do you do if you're discharged from hospital before the baby? How do you manage life at home with out your baby in the first weeks?

I really am looking for some friendly advice, please no horror stories.

Thank you in advance, Emma xx

Get involved as much as possible in her care while she's in NICU. Talk to the doctor's and ask questions about her care. Youre her mum and the most important person in the world to your baby. Spend as much time as you feel you're able to just holding her. All day if you want to. Be with her, skin to skin as much as you can. The nurses can help you with kangaroo care. Sing to her, read to her, talk to her. It's incredible watching their heart rates come down when they're being held by mummy. Your bond will be fine, just trust in that. My twins were born at 31 weeks and it was hard to leave them at night but we knew they were in the best place. My bond with them is stronger because of what we went through. Some days I didn't feel able to go to the unit because of a traumatic birth and c section but I could phone the unit whenever I wanted and talk to the nurse who was looking after my babies.

I found expressing was the hardest thing and my milk never came in due to the stress on my body. So if expressing doesn't work for you, don't feel pressured into continuing. I've had a lot of therapy to come to terms with it all. Just get yourself through the early weeks then see what help you might need to deal with the experience. It might feel like you'll never get out of there but you will. Good luck

If you have any open shirts with buttons down the front

Get them washed and ready

They are the easiest to wear while doing KANGAROO cuddles

Like a man's shirt

So you unbutton the front, place the baby as if they are lying on you (sort of head under your chin/between your breasts and feet by your waist) and then button up the shirt and then place a blanket over the two of you

This can be done with the help of the nurses even when baby has wires and tubes.

However at the beginning your baby might not be strong enough to be held so you can help with things like tube feeding and learn to change nappies

Keep your fingernails short so they are easy to keep scrupulously clean

You will need to take care of yourself so get food and drinks made up or buy them in to take with you there will hopefully be a small kitchen that you can use in the NNU with a microwave and sink

A good idea is to have a tour of the NNU beforehand so that you can see the machines and the rooms you will be in. So it isn't a shock when you have the emotion of your baby in there

Good luck

I was in a similar boat to you. I had IUGR and at one stage we were just hoping to get to 28 weeks.

My takeaways:

1. be positive. We made it to almost 34 weeks and she was a bit bigger than they expected - 3lb 9oz.
2. far better to KNOW your baby is likely to be coming early, than to have a surprise on the bathroom floor. You benefit from steroids for lung maturation, mag sulphate to protect the baby's brain, a planned c section to minimise birth trauma, loads of monitoring, a NICU tour pre birth. You will realise when baby arrives that these things make a huge difference.
3. I was discharged 2 weeks before my daughter. It was hard, but it helped me to express milk for her overnight at home, and spend every day at the hospital with her.
4. you can prepare in advance to give yourself the best chance of expressing. I practised hand expressing while still pregnant, this meant I was able to fill a 1ml syringe of colostrum for her while waiting for my c section. This was a huge comfort to me when she was taken straight to NICU while I was still in theatre.
5. can you knit or sew? There are very very simple patterns to knit a little hat for baby. Hats are essential in NICU and they are very quick to knit. It can help you bond to know you have provided something for the baby.
6. make everything else in your life organised so you can focus on baby & minimize stress. Fill your freezer with ready meals and sandwiches, have friends and family prepped to drive you to hospital if possible, wash everything you own and top up shampoo, toothpaste and cosmetics so nothing essential runs put.
7. the time will fly by. We've been home 7 weeks and I can barely remember how crap NICU was.

Thank you so much for all your help and advice. My beautiful little girl was born 30th October 2019, 10 weeks & 1 day early via c section, weighing 2lbs 9ozs. I didn't get to see her for the 1st 24hours and it was the hardest thing I have ever done but I finally got to meet her last night and she is just perfect. She's doing remarkably well and we're managing to harvest colostrum for which she's going to start having today. ❤️

Congratulations! You're going to be just fine, the care in special care really lives up to its name. Our DS was 7 weeks prem and stayed in until a week before his dues date. He gained weight slowly but I wanted him on expressed milk so we had to be a bit patient. Hospital lent me a machine, that was the hardest part, getting up at all hours to pump at home without LO. If you can stay at hospital in evenings and pump I think it works much better being near your baby.

I had to argue for discharge because my blood pressure wouldn't come down but the maternity ward was so chaotic I wasn't getting the medication I needed regularly. Also automatic machines consistently have a much higher reading than manual. I had to record everything myself as digital notes system was a farce. I needed to get out of hospital for my own sanity. It felt very weird leaving DS but his care was fantastic. He's almost 2 now and doing amazing.

Remember it's a long journey and look after yourself x

Sorry, I meant gave a much higher reading re BP. Not trying to say they are all wrong but for some reason I was rated at massive risk on automatic machine and slightly elevated on manual. It was infuriating.

Congratulations on your baby.
Now she’s here I would say just take every day as it comes and try to get involved in her care as much as you can which will increase over time.
I found just sitting next to my DDs incubator talking to her helped me bond with her and once you’re allowed having as much skin to skin contact as possible.
When you do have to go he Get your family and friends to help with things like food shopping and other jobs so you can focus on coming to see your baby each day.
Also have a look at the bliss premature baby website and talk to the nurses if you’re struggling.

My twins were 12 weeks early (2lb 6oz each). My tip would be as others have suggested, be there as much as you can, try to speak to the doctors and nurses, ask if you can do the cares. Keep up with the expressing. Eat lots. And my tip is to keep a diary. It gives you something to do whilst you’re sitting next to the incubator, but also its really useful to look back on how far they’ve come when you’re having a bit of a blip or feel overwhelmed. Good luck.

Thank you for the congratulations and words of advice. My beautiful little girl is a week old today and I have been in hospital since, and to be totally honest I am absolutely terrified! Ava took a back step earlier on in the week and end up on the ventilator on ICU and they've found a murmer on her heart but she has since started in proving, even though it is slow progress. I've attached the link for our story, please feel free to read it if you're interested. ❤️
www.gofundme.com/f/our-neonatal-journey?sharetype=teams&member=3143668&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&pc_code=ot_co_dashboard_a&rcid=97c51807945944a2a23dca97eedf6391