34+5 baby in SCBU - im struggling to stay brave

[captainshortie]

Hello all, sorry its kind of a long one...

So my waters went at 34+4 and baby was born the next morning. Very shocked but my pregnancy was very stressful so tbh in hindsight im not surprised....
I was in labour 3 hours (people keep telling me thats not long, well it still felt like an eternity) i got 2 minutes of skin to skin before she was whisked away to scbu at my local hospital (literally 2 minute walk from my house)
After a few hours i got transfered to the ward, and the dr came to see me telling md there was 'no room for her in scbu, we can only house 3 babies and she makes 4'
After being told I initially wasnt allowed to join her at the next nearest hospital, we were being whisked away by ambulance 5 hours after she was born. Id been discharged from my hospital and sent with pretty much no aftercare to the next.
Baby continued to be well looked after by everyone. Which i am obviously thankful for.

I got to stay the night but felt so alone, her dad wasnt allowed to stay.
Ive been up everyday since but the new hospital is half an hour drive away from where we live and neither of us drive so we're reliant on lifts off people.
Anyway, im currently 'rooming in' with her
My questions are...

• Shes currently under a UV light for slight jaundice. But shes my baby, can i pick her up when I want?

Im breastfeeding her, so know i can pick her up for feeds.

-what questions can i ask? If i ask too many will they think i cant cope?
Shes my first so I dont know what to do anyway and im relying on advice and some of my instinct but ive got no experience with babies...

-i cant seem to stop crying, will they be judging me on this?

hi my son was born at 34+4 and i understand how you feel hes currently 7 weeks old now and he left special care 2 weeks after he was born via c section due to reduced movements, he was born with sepsis, and his heart rate dropped, he needed treatment for jaundice. it was so hard leaving him i hated it, but know that babys in best place and being looked after, please try and look after you too i made the mistake of worrying so much and constantly being at hospital that i worn myself out and didnt know what was what and when baby came home i was exhausted. premie babies can pull through and i know it seems hard now but it does get better, the way i saw it was each day what goes is each day they are closer to coming home. Xx

I had two prem babies. One who was 2lbs. One who was 3.5lbs. Both in neo natal. The first was whisked away and I didn’t see them for over 24 hrs. I was incredibly poorly and spent the next year in hospital pretty much.

My second was much better. I got to hold her for an hour before she was taken to neo natal. And she was out within 6 days. My first was in for 8 weeks.

Yes. You can pick them up whenever. However. If she’s under blue lights. Then just make sure first. Because they do need those lights. Both mine had them for slight jaundice.

Ask away! I asked sooo many questions. I actually believe I had some form of ptsd after my first. I did an interview for Tommy’s charity. As I believe we’re not given enough a support with Orem babies. I’ve done some work with them since to try and help new mothers. So please feel free to pm me. Tommy’s are an amazing charity.

1. I cried so much. It’s normal. It’s traumatic. Especially if you weren’t expecting it

Like I said. I’ve now had 2 prem babies. Please feel free to chat xx

@AutoFilled you have a way with words don't ya

@Autofilled like i said im not sure of circumstance just find it weird how in the 48 hours ive been here they havent had any visitors period.

Again thank you all for your support, i know i could be in such a worse situation but because its all so new and such a weird and foreign situation im not sure how to handle it all.
I definatley feel much better tonight than last night, cuddles off my fella helped loads.

Ive decided although i desperatly want to breastfeed i know im expressing more than enough to cover her feeds and as long as shes getting it in her im happy.

I asked about milestones when the dr came round and she said she needed to be off the light, maintaining her weight and regulating her temperature, so not alot and ofc i know could be far worse, and although it confuses the living daylights out myself because she doesnt look premature i know shes 5 weeks early so have got to be thankful i get to hold her when shes still meant to be inside me

As long as you're expressing you'll be stimulating the milk supply so while she's struggling to latch now, in a week or two she might just get it. As you say, as you're expressing she's still getting the milk. Just keep offering the breast at each feed and don't get frustrated if she won't take to it yet.

Your situation is so similar o mine.

She is now a healthy strapping 9yo arguing about bedtime. 🤣

Don’t worry about being weepy, I bawled the whole time.