Premature baby- traumatised - potential pnd

[Leanneevans95xx]

My baby is four months old. Was born 11 weeks early currently six weeks corrected age.
He’s beautiful and finally home on oxygen.
He’s thrives through nenonatal and was born an Amazon 2lb 11oz. He’s now 9lb 9oz. But I’m struggling bad. With flashbacks. Nightmares. Bonding problems. I keep thinking something is going to happen to him like he’s not supposed to be here! I had an awful pregnancy bled almost all the way through. My waters broke 5 weeks before he was born. It was so awful and it makes me scared to ever ever have another baby. But I’m so struggling to get through each and every day. Thinking I am going to lose him at some point.

Hi OP, did you get offered any counselling after your birth? It would be worth speaking to your health visitor about this because they can help you.

Hand hold here, I had pnd and it was awful

Please speak to someone about this. Your health visitor. Your GP. Your partner. Your family. It doesn’t matter who - just speak to someone. What you’re experiencing is completely understandable and out of your control. But you can get help.

It will get better with time too, not saying don't get help but talk to your loved ones.

Please speak to your GP or HV. You've gone through an awful lot, they can help

Bollocks, didn't mean to put a rogue in my post

Thanks for your responses. I haven't been offered any councilling whatsoever, he was born we were just expected to get on with it. Then we came home and it's still the same. I just cannot get my head around it all. Like there's so much I don't remember that my partners tells me about and it's like I've blocked it out it's ridiculous.

I've tried speaking to my partner. He's a great support. He just doesn't get it sadly. He doesn't tundertand and then shuts off when he feels like he cannot help me.

I will speak to the health visitor, I've tried my GP already I'm just told that it'll get better the longer he's home. But I literally feel like I'm suffercating.

I think its normal when they're so early. My middle DC was 12 weeks early and I've only really started relaxing now shes nearly 2.
I had the same constant feeling that something else was going to go wrong, I think it comes with having to have accept that they might not make it at times.

DD had sepsis twice in nicu then meningitis at 5 months and went unconscious with croup and breathing difficulties at just over a year so it took a long time for the feeling that something was going to go wrong to stop. And even though things did go wrong shes still fine now.

We used a snuza hero nappy clip breathing monitor that helped with my anxiety about her a bit.

The bonding will come in time, the combination of being away from them and it not feeling like 'your' baby when they're in nicu, and the worry of whether they're going to make it combine to make bonding harder, even some mums with healthy babys find it hard to bond never mind all the extra stress and worry you've had.

Also 9lb9 sounds like he's doing great weight wise! He'll quickly start to seem more sturdy and be able to handle bugs better as he gets older which will make it less worrying for you.

If it helps I had a friend with a 24 weeker. Her next baby was overdue and she was induced at 42 weeks.