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Premature birth

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Struggling this week

2 replies

Hereslookingatyoukid · 07/09/2017 13:06

I'm not sure whether this is the right place to post but I just needed somewhere to write this down. Nearly five years ago we lost our second daughter when I was six months pregnant. It was at my 20 week scan when it was discovered that she had a serious heart defect and we were told we could lose her at any point. That time came at 23 weeks. If it had been a week later we would have received a death certificate as she would have been classed as stillborn but as it was, she was classed as a late miscarriage and I sometimes struggle with the sense that she didn't really 'exist'. She would have been starting school this week and my nephew who was born a few months after we lost her has just started today - it's so lovely to see him in his uniform and how excited he is to start but it is also a reminder of what we are missing. Five years on I feel people think I should have moved forward and to a certain extent we have. We have another little girl who is almost two and an older daughter who is almost seven and life is good, but it's moments like these that the black cloud descends and I'm angry and sad and frustrated at what was and what could have been. Thank you to anyone who reads this as I just really needed to put it down in writing. Thank you!

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AWhistlingWoman · 08/09/2017 15:45

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I think I understand what you mean about receiving a death certificate, it lends validity to their existence almost? But we know that our beautiful children were here, however briefly, and that we loved them, regardless of a piece of a paper.

I think when we pass milestone years that our children should have had, starting school and so on, it is hard not to wish that they were with us and to wonder what they would have been like. I'm sorry you are finding it especially hard this year as your nephew starts school. I lost one of my twin girls and having a child the same age in the family can sometimes be a bittersweet reminder.

Thinking of you and your family, especially your second little girl Flowers

Hereslookingatyoukid · 08/09/2017 18:51

@AWhistlingWoman Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss; that sounds very hard. I'm feeling much more positive today - I think sometimes it just helps to put thoughts down on paper and almost 'park' them there if that makes any sense. It was very kind of you to respond, thank you!

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