Very nervous mum

[Sophie333]

Is there any other mums on here who's had a premature baby and Is still so fearful of cot death I had my son at 33 weeks it was such a hard time for me he's heart stopped 6 hours after birth was ventilated for 3 days he was so up and down getting infections he kept getting better then i kept being told the next 24 hours are crucial i finally got him home after 2 months in neonatal he's 10 months old now and I still worry about cot death so much that I still only have about 6 hours sleep and I wake up every 2 hours to make sure he's still breathing I'm so scared about loosing him I'm just wondering does it fade eventually or does anyone have any advice for me will be very much appreciated

I had this with DS1 who was 10 weeks early. I had read somewhere that the risk of cot death for preemies starts falling at 10 months corrected age, so I was very anxious for the whole first year of his life. In hindsight, I should have got a monitor mattress, it might have helped a bit.

It is normal to feel anxious with a new baby, but if the anxiety is so strong that it's keeping you from sleeping you should speak to your GP. You have had a really rough NICU stay with your little boy and that is not something you just get over the day you take him home.
I would try counselling if I were you. It helped me a lot, even though I only had five sessions or so. Your feelings will fade over time, but counselling helps speed up the process.
When I look back on the first year with DS1, I realise how anxious I was about everything, I completely failed to enjoy him. That's such a shame. You should enjoy your little boy, celebrate his toughness and be kind to yourself, you have both been through a lot. Being born prematurely is no way to be born, and having a premature baby is no way to become a mother. But it's what happened to you and you will come to accept that, however long it may take.
In the meantime, do speak to someone in real life about your anxiety! Wishing you all the best and hope you start feeling better soon.

Thanks for replying i took your advice went to the doctors got referred to a phycologist i got to see the same lady i used to see as a teenager which was really good as ive had anxiety problems all through my childhood down to dv it was such a relief to be able to get it all out she put it down to losing my 2 brothers and sister they got placed into care a week after having my son they are literally my best friends and my social life i only have 1 friend but its never really bothered me as my family is my life being the eldest of 7 she put it down to losing them triggered my anxiety of and where my son was so poorly st arted the fear of losing him ive recently celebrated hes 1st birthday i do feel a lot more settled now i sleep through the night i do sometimes jolt awake and check on him but im a lot more at ease i really appreciate your help i was too afraid of going to the doctors in case it was used against me its helped a lot youre a star :)

Aah Sophie it's lovely to read your update! So glad you're feeling better, even though I'm very sorry to hear about your siblings. I hope you can see them regularly?
It takes a lot of courage to talk openly about problems and fears, but it's worth it. Don't worry of it being used against you. Reaching out to someone and asking for help shows how much you care about your baby and want to do the right thing. Admitting to feelings like anxiety takes strength and courage, it's not a weakness.
I hope you can hold on to that positive feeling and keep enjoying your little one!