Hiya all, new to this forum, but a friend suggested it to me, my name is vicki and i have 3 boys one of which was born on 11.01.15 at 33+5 gestation by emergency csec due to be having septecemia and him becoming distressed.
the csec was a very complicated one, i stopped breathing twice and lost alot of blood, and my son needed breathing help.
after having two natural full term births this threw me, i suffer from depression and have done for a long time....
harry was born weighing 5lb6! amazing weight for a premie, he was transferred from my local hospital to a special one for Cpap!. leaving me behind he was 48 hours old before i saw him, and when i did it was on ITU and full of tubes etc, whilst at the unit another premie angel sadly passed away right infront of me
after 5 days he was doing fab ! feeding and breathing on his own, for the next 3 days he was stable and upto full feeds!.... atlast we had an outlook on going home.....
12 hours later harry took a turn for worst and was diagnosed with NEC and a hole in his bowel, he was so poorly and was rushed to theatre! my world has been turned upside down and i am really struggling to accept any of this he is now in a stable condition after losing 23cm of bowel, and has a stoma, they have said the next 14 days are critical, before harry went down they had the "talk" with us, now i cant shift the feeling he is going to die, i am going to be burying my own baby. everyone is telling me to be positive but i cant!
i see him laid there lifeless as hes sedated! i blame myself it was my body that kicked him out because it couldnt cope..... he would of been fine in my belly WHY did it do that WHY ? i would rather i suffered then my gorgeous boy.
im trying to be strong but i am broken :'(
anyone got any experiences with any of this that can help me i would be grateful
thank you vicki