Post traumatic stress disorder after premature birth?

[Hangingbellyofbabylon]

I have been seen by the maternity counselling service and been identified as having post traumatic stress disorder. Dd was born in Jan by emergency c-section at 30 weeks. She is now home and is doing ok but I feel so distressed by the whole thing. Lots of flashbacks, especially to just before the birth when they couldn't tell me if she would die before they got her out. I often whisper 'you didn't die' when I'm holding her.

Not sure where to go from here really, should be able to look to the future but I'm stuck on that awful day in January. Does anyone get where I am? I feel so ungrateful, she didn't die but I still don't feel ok.

Really sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I don't have PTSD but i can understand how you are feeling. I still have days when i feel really crap about being unable to carry DS to term. I still feel like a failure and have some flashbacks, mostly dreams though. I'm sure someone will post soon who has experience. Sending a hug xx

So sorry to hear that.
I was border line with PND, and I remember all the guilt. 4 years down the line I would be lying if I said I don't remember it anymore. I still feel some guilt.
I am now expecting DC2 and having some troubles. I look at the mirror and think "Why can't I have a full term baby?" But then I look at DS1 and he is such a lovely and healthy boy! An example that everything is okay, besides the difficult times with a premature baby.

I am glad that you have so support though. Good luck! You will be fine, it just takes some time to heal.

Hey. My twin babies were born at 30 weeks via emergency c section in December 2012. I was warned from week 18 of my pregnancy that "twin 2 was not viable". Anyhow , both did survive and we were able to come home following 50 days in hospital. Cue me feeling so anxious that I thought I might need to go to hospital myself. I was literally dragged to the dr by my husband and started antidepressant medication. These pills (I feel) saved my life at the time and enabled me to cope at home and look after my babies. When I was feeling better, I asked to see the psychologist on the special care ward. I saw her every week for around 5 months and we mainly went over my persistent and recurrent thoughts that my baby was still going to die. It took a while to get it out of my system but we got there eventually and now I can see my baby is healthy and is not going to die. I am feeling much better now. I'm still taking the medication but hoping to wean myself off it soon. I don't know how bad u do feel or if it was in anyway like i did, but go with the help. U have been through a really traumatic experience that u need supporting through. If u want to communicate further please get in touch.

Xx

I had PTSD after DS2 born at 30 weeks and needed neurosurgery when he was 5 months. Took me about a year to realise that the events around his birth weren't fading into the background like I thought they would. Each day I relived the day of his birth and his stay in the NICU, over and over, as strongly as if it had just happened. Nightmares and flashbacks.

But I was so happy with him and the fact that he'd come through everything. I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

I had counselling and it helped enormously. I was able to tell the counsellor things I'd kept from other people because they were just too bitter and angry. Getting it all off my chest, being able to give it a beginning and end, rather than having it go round and round in my head, really helped.

I am better. It is really, truly in the past now. It will always be the defining time of my life (before DS2 and after DS2 are very very different), but I can cope with it now and it doesn't spoil my enjoyment of my family.

Find a good counsellor, someone who specialises in birth trauma.

No advice just hope that these lovely ladies on this board can lend their support and advice. They helped me, hugely. I honestly believe I would not have coped as well during dts 20w stay without them.

I still have the occassionally nightmare and flashback as dts is still having problems due to his early world entry. I can barely look at photos of the twins from the early days especially ds who was 1lb 9oz. I have a photo of one online and I still cry and feel very distressed when looking at it. However, yesterday (25+4w actual) dts finally hit the 6lb mark :)

Just wanted to say that I understand. My DS was a 29 weeker, who weighed 1lb 9oz & was in NICU for 95 days. There was no support in the unit, or once he came home. I was never screened for PND. Even now, I still don't have the words to describe what I went through.

I was pretty traumatised by what happened, and a nervous wreck when DS came home on oxygen. What kept me sane was the Bliss message board & keeping in touch with the other NICU mums - we still see each other now - over 5 years later. A significant proportion later went on to be diagnosed with PTSD.

I think you're experiencing a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, if that makes sense? I'm glad you're able to access professional counselling & hope that brings you a little peace of mind. I wish I had something more constrictive to say, that would help you.

Hi I was diagnosed with PTSD two years after having my eldest ds by emergency c section following a car crash at 26 weeks and subsequent pretty much year long nicu stay. Mine manifested itself as flashbacks, I was offered counselling and birth trauma support but tbh I didn't really find counselling helped me, though it may do you but the hospital support group was great, and if was taught exercises help me when I felt a 'attack' coming on. I was pretty much in shock for a year what also helped me was time and talking on the boards here with others, it helped to feel less alone truly.
I still get shakey days and his birthday will forever be a day I spend trying not to remember but I am getting there. My second ds was born 15 months ago at 24 weeks but I felt much better able to process what was happening, I was better prepared and more in control I guess but I still cannot bear to look at his photos from nicu.
None of that is probably of any use, sorry, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Please feel free to pm me if you like.

Bliss offers a free counselling service - call their helpline and explain how you feel and they'll set it all up for you. If you prefer not to go down that route, they also have a buddy support scheme, lots of local meet-ups and a very active message board.

I feel very much like you do, and it helps me to talk about it.