Hand holding from anyone with similar experiences would mean the world to me....

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Hello,

So on the 8th Feb I had an emergency c-section as I had pre-eclampsia which rapidly descended into HELLP syndrome. My pregnancy was at 26 + 6 weeks, this was my first pregnancy.

My little girl is currently in high dependency in the neo natal unit, she is doing pretty well, has come off the ventilator and is on C-Pat, she weighed 750g (1lb 10oz) when she was born and is just so unbelievably tiny!!

I'm posting for so many reasons and if anyone could offer advice/suggestions or a friendly 'sort yourself out' then I would just hugely appreciate it.

Firstly, I feel dreadful, just shocked, scared, like I have somehow failed her by being unable to carry her to term and although I appreciate this is probably normal, I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I go to the hospital and I'm not sure what Im meant to 'do' and I just end up feeling awkward and out of place and then I'm worried if im not there I look like I don't care, which I obviously do. I just feel like I'm gong through everything on autopilot and it's just not sunk in.

Secondly, expressing - I m doing my very bestest to express every 3 - 4 hours, through the night and everything and I'm still only getting 10-15 ml on average. It feels like nothing, when will milk 'come in' any tips?? It's so hard with the machines.

There are I'm sure a million more things buti can't think of anything that seems important!!

Thank you

Jenny

[efeslight]

Great news Littlelamb, scary but exciting...yes, its quite a shock finally going home, and everything is down to you!
it sounds like Sophia is doing really well, I'm so pleased for you. what is her weight now?
Can i be nosey and ask what the rectal wash out is for? Is it a tube up the bottom to clean out the poo? with or without liquid? I only saw our little boy have this done once when he was really tiny and couldn't push for himself.
Hope all the plans and preperation for homecoming go well.

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Hiya, she is 4lb 4oz now!!! That's huge!!!

A rectal washout is tube up the bum and saline solution through the tube. It's to clear out poo as she has 'slow mobility' although she is starting to open her bowels on her own now which is fab :)

I can't believe this journey could actually be ending, I'm kind of expecting something else to go wrong before we get her home must engage positive mental attitude

[efeslight]

Great, 4lb 4oz is a good weight, our little one was about 5 lbs when he went home.
yes, keep positive and be as well prepared as you can be, have you got a midwife or health visitor? How often will she need to be weighed and by who? will she be on any medication, is there a timetable for this, and have you got enough to last?
have you got many follow up appts to organise? i remember there was so mcuh to think about, use the time now before she comes out of hospital to have everything ready.
i have to admit, going home was harder than i expected, i think i just thought that all the worries and problems would end, but of course they didn't...but it was great to finally start to be 'normal', and be at home together.
best of luck x

[BadNails]

Hi Lamb, that is brilliant news By now, you must be almost shipping out! I have to say that I didn't find going home difficult; we had already come close before Gen became ill so I kept saying to all the nurses that I wouldn't believe we were leaving until she was in her carseat and we were walking out of the door. Unfortunately, it meant that I didn't become excited about it, I wouldn't let myself.

It is amazing having your baby home and I am so pleased that you're nearly there.

I'm with efes though, I still worry and I still gird myself for battles with doctors. Most of the worry is normal 'I'm a mother' worry though, which I recognised from having had DD1, otherwise I'd probably have thought I was some kind of freak... Even now, I still check her breathing more than I care to admit

Wishing you lots of luck for rooming in and going home xx

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Hiya, well we had a night in the unit on Friday night, it went well but she still had the stats monitor which she won't have when we go home. The oxygen is ordered and it looks like we are going to stay over again on Thursday before we take her home on Friday!!

BadNails you have put my exact feelings into words, we were discussing with another mum today how we are not really getting excited because it just doesn't feel real. Everything is ready for her except oxygen and we have talked though everything but I still wont except it until we have walked of of the unit without anyone stopping us!!

I think I am pretty sorted with regards health visitors and outreach teams, we have met pretty much everyone who will be coming out to us, all very lovely and supportive and we will have a visit every day for the first week and then we talk about how often we would like them to come after that. DH is off for a month now so he will be here to help :)

Medication is all sorted, as is prescription formula, all already in the house and on repeat from the GP's (luckily at the end of our road with pharmacy).

Anything else I need to sort?? Never, ever, ever thought I would be asking to advice about what I need to sort on our way home!!

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Oh god, I won't accept it, my spelling/grammar appears to be the first thing to disappear when I am stressed.

[Poppet45]

Wahoo Lamb that's great news!!!! And super scary, terrifying etc etc. I wanted to smuggle out a NICU nurse when Willow finally got her bid for freedom. The first few weeks are pretty scary and between BFing, topping up, sterilising, syringing in 11 meds a day and pumping milk were pretty tough over here, and I have no idea what you have to do with bottled O2, but it WILL ease off and you will get there and so will your wonderful daughter. Willow is finally starting solids as of this week. You should see her grinning like a banana covered gloopy thing. Your little gal will be doing this too before you know it, and these days will feel like a dark and distant memory. Until then we're here for hand holding. Good luck!!

[scummymummy]

Oh, good luck with having her home. So pleased she's rallied and is doing so well.:)

[crazymum53]

Am delighted to hear your good news. Being at home with your baby is a different experience and a chance to properly bond with your baby. Feeding at home was actually much easier as it is less noisy and with fewer distractions than in hospital.
Additional advice: Make sure you have plenty of nappies and wipes available at home too!

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Ahhh, the oxygen has finally arrived!!! If I wasn't so excited, this would be followed by a rant about the bloody oxygen company.

Which means Sophia is actually coming home on Sunday!!!

The most amazing thing is that Sunday is my mums, who passed away two years ago, birthday. She is so obviously being watched over. Sophia has my mums name as her middle name and my mum woud have been so proud of her.

I cant sleep at all, hence the late night posting, I can't believe she is coming home. We are staying over tomorrow (saturday) night and then will be up bright and early to go home on Sunday. Eeeeeeeeeep!!!!!

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Also thanks everyone, and crazy DH has been bulk buying wipes and nappies so it currently looks like we have a lifetime supply. I'm sure it won't last though.

[BadNails]

Oh LittleLamb... I hope they've completed your discharge nice and quick so you can get your girl home.

Absolutely thrilled for you. Thank you for sharing yours and Sophia's journey this far. Wishing you lots of love and luck

[McPhee]

Oh my goodness, what a journey you've all been on. It's brought a lump to my throat to think of you bringing her home. Many many fabulous wishes of congratulations, you very very strong mummy.

What a lucky little girl

[GotMyLittleLamb]

We are home, there is A BABY IN MY HOUSE!!! I cried for about an hour this morning, I'm not normally that emotional but I couldn't believe they let us leave! The nurses were amazing at getting the doctors to complete all the discharge stuff and our take home meds arrived at 6am this morning.

She is currently fast asleep on DH chest while he plays xbox and I mumsnet clean the house. I don't know how I'm going to fill my days now I don't have to go to hospital.

Thank you all so much, have lots of for all your wonderful support, mumsnet has been a lifesaver over the last 93days!!

[McPhee]

Amazing

Now enjoy every tiny bit of her. She has an amazing mummy and daddy

[scummymummy]

How lovely.:) I hope you are having a wonderful first day at home together.

[Poppet45]

Congratulations on the happiest homecoming you'll ever, ever have. Scary too, but the sweetness of getting them home is hardwon and well deserved. Sophia is an amazing wee gal, just like her mum! We're all rooting for you as you settle in to family life. And even without hospital trips they manage to keep you busy. That said, nothing is as intense as what you've been through already. So many best wishes to you all.

[efeslight]

Great news, hope all goes well and you have lots of time to snuggle!

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Thank you all, I have put up some pics so everyone can see how bloomin gorgeous she is. I can't believe I made something so utterly amazing.

[scummymummy]

omg. she's beautiful! lovely photos x

[ImissMiniPop]

I've just read this post from start to finish, and I wanted to wish you all the best for having your little one home. She is beautiful. It's really reassuring to read your posts, my little boy was born by emergency c section 10 days ago and was also in the HD unit of NICU, he's now in SCBU but we've a long road ahead and a few hurdles to get over. Can't wait for the moment when we get to take him home. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and wishing you all the best. :) x x

[ImissMiniPop]

gotmylittlelamb how's it going now DD is home? how did you find the first few weeks? We've got MiniPop at home after 6 weeks in NICU/SCBU, so any hints or tips would be very welcome :o

[GotMyLittleLamb]

Hi ImissMiniPop it's incredible having DD home, I have really relaxed into it and everyone comments how confortable I seem with her. I have found the oxygen so much easier thatn I was expecting (ignoring the time we were emergency ambulanced to hospital because the oxygen compressor at home had failed).

I have no idea about tips and stuff, I have realised recently how quickly she is growing, now 9lb 6oz so I have resolved to stop cleaning and just cuddle her lots and really enjoy her, take advantage of any support, I have found the paediatric outreach team in our area a godsend. I have also been going to a group called neomates which is particularly for neonatals, I found the 'normal' baby groups a bit intimidating.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, i will try and answer but I'm probably not the best, and congratulations!! I don't think anyone can understand the feeling of leaving the hospital with your baby after this experience.