What did you wish you had known before you had your baby early?

[Finessa]

I think my baby is going to need to be delivered very early due to complications. I'm trying to find out as much as I can and am reading the bliss website.

What advice can you give me? What did you wish you had known before your baby was born early?

Thanks very much :)

That small babies can be quickly made into sturdy babies! That a little set back really means that and not that they are really not well. And, lastly, that special care nurses are (in my experience) so much more helpful and friendly than MW's on normal wards..they can really help with the whole experience, not just get on with it!! Good luck!

That scbu nurses really will look after your baby as if its their own & often know better than the more junior doctors.
It can be a marathon not a sprint.
Ask questions & if you don't understand, ask again -they really won't mind.

Unless its an emergency not much happens at weekends, SCBU is like most other wards, blood test results, scans etc can take a little while to come back.

Take lots of photos, you only get those first newborn days once, even if they are in scbu it is still nice to have photos & video to look back on.

Keep a daily diary.
Go home and rest when you can, accept help from friends and family especially if you hav eother dc to look after.

If something doesn't feel right challenge, remember even though you may feel out of control it is still your precious baby.
As soon as you are able get lots of cuddles, it will do you both good, remember to take care of yourself too.
Take care & best wishes x

Stick up for yourself, and for your baby.

How small they will be, it was such a shock to me. They very soon become big but it's a shock.
They will take a little longer with milestones for a while but again they soon catch up.

And that's the most important thing, they catch up so quickly.

Hello, i agree with all the ladies here.
Take care of yourself, remember to breathe, try to enjoy at least one thing each day, try not too get stressed out, do not be afraid to keep asking the same questions over and over again until you understand things, don't hesitate to stand up for yourself and your baby if you do not agree with any advice etc, eat lots of nutritious food & drink plenty water, get as much rest as you can, get as many cuddles/kangaroo care as you can, don't be afraid to ask to hold/cuddle/change/wash/feed your baby - don't wait to be told it is ok to do it - ask if you can, take lots of photos, put an inanimate object beside your DC during one of the photos so that you have something to measure his/her size against. Trust the SCBU nurses, they are wonderful! Try not to get scared with all the machinery/equipment, it is rather daunting when you first see it, but just remember it is all there to help. it will all get explained to you, and it will become like second nature to you.

Have a look here www.facebook.com/ItsaPreemieThing
I wish i had found this site when i first got home from hospital and not just recently. It is a good support network.
I don't mean to scare you by anything i have written, and hope that is not the case. Wishing you all lots of love, and luck. Do come back and tell us all how you all get on. Shall be thinking of you. If you wish to ask any questions, don't hesitate. xx

Get bottles/teats/steriliser etc, and even some formula etc all ready in case you are unable to BF.
Mothercare to nice clothes for prem babies (have Bliss stickers on them)
Get some pampers micro nappies.

At what gestation do you think you will need to be delivered?

Hi, this is all brilliant information, thank-you all so much. It's great to hear so many positive tips - I'm gathering it's a real rollercoater. Let's hope all your comments help others reading this too.

MissJulie - I think the doctors will be happy if I can get to 32 weeks. I'm only 19 weeks at the moment so have got a good while to get my head around this (cue hours of reading forums and watching youtube ) No, you didn't scare me at all :)

I hope everyone's little ones are doing well x

My DS2 was born early at 33 weeks. It seems so long ago now! He is 9 next month, one of the tallest boys in his class and is absolutely adorable :)
My sister's DD was born at 26 weeks, she is now 6 and top of her class at school. Her DS was born at 25 weeks and starts school himself in September.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, just take each day as it comes. Fingers crossed for 32 weeks! :)

My DS was born, totally unexpectedly, at 33 weeks. That really was the issue - nothing was ready. If you are prepared, which it seems you will be it will be much easier. It is hard though. There is a picture of my DS in SCBU on Christmas day on my profile.

Agree, bottles, steriliser, etc. I established breastfeeding once we got out of SCBU but needed the bottle feeding equipment (and an industrial strength pump) for the first 8 weeks.

Batch cook and freeze as much as you can. Meals you can take with you and heat up in the microwave would be useful.

I expect you will be offered a tour of NICU / SCBU, but if not, ask for one.

I wish I had been more forthright about wanting to hold my DS. He spent 95% of the time in his cot. He wasn't connected up to much - just an apnoea monitor (checks breathing) and a gastronasal tube (feeding) so I could have held him more as he slept.

It's not forever. It feels like it, but it's not.

Good luck and I hope you get to 32 weeks.

Well, you have a while to prepare then hun - i agree, again, that being unprepared, having a prem baby unexpectedly is a huge issues - and yes, meals in the freezer is a great help!
Do keep us posted! x

Try to use this time to prepare practically but don't overwhelm yourself trawling the internet - your experience will be unique! Take care of yourself now :)

Don't feel guilty if you don't sit by the incubator all day watching them sleep unless you want to. You need breaks to eat, rest, be outside etc.

Ask if its possible to have a few moments skin-on-skin after delivery - we were able to & it helped mitigate the wrench of DS being taken off to NICU. If it's not possible then it's because baby needs immediate care & thats most important.

Our NICU nurses were goldmines of information & loved to share tips & tricks for taking care of new babies. This was a huge silver lining for us as first time parents.

If you are planning to BF be prepared to express every few hours round the clock to get your milk established. It's not fun but when there are lots of other people helping to care for your LO it's nice to have something that only you can do!

Like everyone else has said, remember it's temporary & it gets better fast! Our DS was born at 34 wks & is now a big, healthy, beautiful boy. Lots of love & luck.

I think missjulie's advice is great. Although neonatal nurses are wonderful, the nature of the job means that the line between parents and carers can get blurred. However, unlike normal postnatal care neonatal nurses work one to one with very poorly babies so have much more time to spend with you as parents. With premature babies it is often two steps forward and one back so don't get discouraged.
You will need to express every 3 hours, even if you feel like shit!
If they are very early (20 odd weeks) they look not very much like a baby, but it doesn't take long. And the machines in SCBU/NNU beep constantly, it doesn't mean anything is wrong! And it smells funny. Like a proper hospital ward.

Be with your baby as much as you want to be.

The most important thing I wish I'd been told was not to worry that I was getting in the way.

Back with more thoughts later.

There has been some great advice given already.

My addition is: don't torture yourself by watching the documentary on premature babies that is going to be on on Wednesday night (not sure if you heard the piece on Radio 4 Womans Hour this morning?) It sounds like it will be focussing on babies born at 23 weeks which is a totally different kettle of fish from 32 weeks. I am guessing that a lot of what will be included in that programme is highly unlikely to apply to your circumstances but may give you nightmares!

In a funny way ignorance protected me to some extent (I mean imagining all the awful possibilities for my 30 weeker twins). Don't watch it!

I don't know if this will apply to you or not, but when my ds came early unexpectedly, I wished that I could have been prepared for the realisation that I would be on a normal mum and baby ward without him.
I knew I would be, but I wish I'd really thought about it, just to get my head around it. It's fine, it really is, but I just wish I had thought about it rather than just go with it, IYSWIM?
It's kinda funny sitting there without your wee one, while other mothers sit cooing over their babes. I did get to spend as much time as possible in SCBU and he was perfectly fine and I could go for as long as I wanted as often as I wanted. But I wish I'd been aware of how odd this would feel!

It wasn't terrible though (it really wasn't!!)
I just didn't realise (somehow) that I would be put on a ward with other new mums without my baby.

Don't be afraid to let the SCBU nurses do as much childcare as you want them to; I felt that I had to be there and doing things for every change of nappy, dose of medication etc, when I felt constantly terrible (I was anaemic and recovering from pre-eclampsia). I needed to rest, concentrate on establishing feeding (exhausting expressing every 3 hours but SO worth it in the long run) etc.
It is NOT a failure of your parenting skills to struggle to change a nappy on a tiny baby who has wires all over them (my DS also had diarrhoea because of the antibiotics, and had a terrible nappy rash so had to be changed whilst on his tummy, using cotton wool smeared with moisturising cream as even water might have damaged his skin); it was NOT easy, and yet somehow I felt I had to change every nappy. I so wish I could go back in time and tell myself just to let the nurses, who could do it in their sleep, get on with it, there was plenty of time for nappy changing when DS got home. The nurses are NOT judging you; I felt like I was constantly being watched by the pros, but I am sure they had seen more useless new parents than me.

AGree with bearcrumble as well; you will feel in the way at times but try not to let it get to you. I hated having to ask to pick DS up every time. Ask the nurse looking after your baby for advice about when/how to handle your baby; sometimes they recommend leaving them be to rest.
I wish I hadn't been so painfully shy and just talked to them about how I was feeling and asked loads more questions.

what bunnybunyip said

I ran myself into the ground while my DD was in SCBU, and it is only the start of the work

If you want to breastfeed, call La leche or NCT now for advice - the support I had in the hospital was dreadful

and insist on being informed about your baby's prognosis and care plan - because we let them fob us off, every time we asked to speak to a paediatrician, we thought things were much worse than they are.

Some paediatric nurses are angels, some are not, a tiny minority are nasty - I had contact with one of those. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself.

Don't exhaust yourself while your baby is in hospital - you'll need some reserves of strength for when they come home! Good luck!

I had DC2 at 28 weeks and DC3 at 30 weeks (nine month age gap).

Keep a diary of your time in SCBU. You may not feel like doing it but on the days where it all seems too much it will remind you of how far baby has come.

All the equipment and terminology are really scary at first but you soon become fluent in "SCBU speak". I remember watching Casualty when DC2 was in hospital and hearing a machine beeping on the TV. I turned to DH and said "oh it's the crisis alarm on a dash monitor".

It becomes second nature changing a tiny nappy, through an incubator, whilst trying to dodge wires and tubes. Again, it does take a bit of getting used to.

We are still in touch with most of the nurses from SCBU as we spent most of 2007 there! They were amazing.

I hope you get on ok OP. We are all here for support should you need it.

Absolutely to not running yourself into the ground. I have read threads on here where posters are horrified that mums of premmies dare to go home, which made me feel terribly guilty. However, you absolutely must.

The lady opposite me spent from 8am to 11pm at SCBU daily and collapsed from exhaustion after a week post C-section. The nurses were begging her to go home and get some rest but she felt she had to be there.

I did 11am - 5pm then 7pm to 10pm. Much, much easier.

I just wanted to add that I had very different experiences with both of my DC's. I was only pregnant with my son for 10 days longer than my daughter but it made a huge difference. They are both happy and healthy now and you would never know they were born so early.

Tons more brilliant advice - thanks everyone.

Marjori yes, I agree that rest is essential but I'm not sure how it would work out. I have a DS(10) and a DD(8) at home so will have to spend some time at home to avoid abandoning them.

threelittleducks wow, I hadn't thought about being on a ward with no baby! So you still get woken up by the other babies crying then? :)

sonny I have already got the documentary set up to record! Maybe you're right and I shouldn't watch it... although it would be helpful to see what the machines look like and how many tubes are involved.

unwind Luckily I have breastfed before although I didn't express much as it always messed up how much milk there was and when the baby was hungry. I know this will be different but I feel like I have a bit of a headstart on this one.

Thanks very much ladies and please keep the ideas coming x