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Pregnancy choices

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Termination seems right but I am already struggling with guilt and sadness

3 replies

Louise2021 · 12/07/2026 08:36

I’m so scared.

3 days ago I found out that I am pregnant and have come to the conclusion that we are going to have to terminate the pregnancy. We have 2 boys 4 & 3. We live in a 2 bed house so our boys currently share a bedroom which they love and we do have future plans to move or convert our home so that they can have their own rooms when they are ready to. I work part time at weekends & this year when our eldest starts school I was taking this opportunity to completely change my career which would mean me working during the week and having weekends off with my family once my youngest starts school next year, I’ve worked weekends for the past 13 years and it’s really been getting me down in recent years, this is something I’ve been longing for and am so ready to do so that we can enjoy our children whilst they’re young. We never really considered a 3rd child. I’ve always longed for it and wondered but I knew this wasn’t really a possibility for us and just forced myself to come to terms with that. It would mean a bigger house for us, bigger car, I wouldn’t be able to make changes to my career because it wouldn’t be worth it to have to pay full time childcare costs for all 3 children, it would really stretch us and would essentially restrict what we can offer to the children we already have. My partner is supportive and we have looked at both options however he puts a lot of emphasis on how having a 3rd would impact us and I do somewhat agree with him. I’m just terrified how I’m going to cope with this decision, all I see is stories of regret even years down the line. I feel like such a hypocrite, I lost a pregnancy before having my 2nd boy and it completely broke me, having him healed my heart however there is going to be nothing to heal me after this. I know deep down this is the right decision for us right now but I also so wish that thing were different and we could continue. All I have done is cry for the past 3 days. I feel like the most awful person ever, the shame and guilt is already eating away at me. Can anyone offer reassurance or experience?

OP posts:
Louise2021 · 13/07/2026 06:33

Anyone??

OP posts:
LivinginNightmare · 13/07/2026 14:12

Hi there, so sorry you are dealing with this. Just wanted to say that if you are already feeling guilt and shame before going through with it, i would advise you to think really carefully about this. Dont underestimate the mental impact this can have on you after you terminate. I ended my 3rd pregnancy in December and its pretty much destroyed my mental health and has impacted my relationship so much. I couldnt even function for months because of the regret/guilt/grief/shame. I know many women feel relief but i think that is only when she is 100% certain she does not want to go through with the pregnancy and is already at peace with that before it wven happens. If there are doubts or feelings of grief/guilt etc even before the procedure, it can really be so devastating. So sorry i cant offer anything more positive but that has been my experience and my life is hell because of it. Hope you can really come to a decision you are at peace with!

KatieBee25 · 13/07/2026 20:43

I agree with @LivinginNightmare if you have doubts now before terminating then they might be magnified and feel so much worse afterwards. I can only speak for me (I had a termination in November after a surprise pregnancy, I already have 3 children) but I wish someone would have told me not to terminate. Again this is coming from my point of view and I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear.
Every obstacle and challenge that made me come to the decision to terminate seemed silly after I'd ended the pregnancy and even though my life is easier now without a 4th, I still long for that baby and wish I had carried on with the pregnancy and I'm sure I would have adapted and made it work.
I really hope that you don't suffer the way I have with my mental health and you are able to make the decision that is best for you. Sending you lots of love. It's a really shit position to be in x

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