I’m so scared.
3 days ago I found out that I am pregnant and have come to the conclusion that we are going to have to terminate the pregnancy. We have 2 boys 4 & 3. We live in a 2 bed house so our boys currently share a bedroom which they love and we do have future plans to move or convert our home so that they can have their own rooms when they are ready to. I work part time at weekends & this year when our eldest starts school I was taking this opportunity to completely change my career which would mean me working during the week and having weekends off with my family once my youngest starts school next year, I’ve worked weekends for the past 13 years and it’s really been getting me down in recent years, this is something I’ve been longing for and am so ready to do so that we can enjoy our children whilst they’re young. We never really considered a 3rd child. I’ve always longed for it and wondered but I knew this wasn’t really a possibility for us and just forced myself to come to terms with that. It would mean a bigger house for us, bigger car, I wouldn’t be able to make changes to my career because it wouldn’t be worth it to have to pay full time childcare costs for all 3 children, it would really stretch us and would essentially restrict what we can offer to the children we already have. My partner is supportive and we have looked at both options however he puts a lot of emphasis on how having a 3rd would impact us and I do somewhat agree with him. I’m just terrified how I’m going to cope with this decision, all I see is stories of regret even years down the line. I feel like such a hypocrite, I lost a pregnancy before having my 2nd boy and it completely broke me, having him healed my heart however there is going to be nothing to heal me after this. I know deep down this is the right decision for us right now but I also so wish that thing were different and we could continue. All I have done is cry for the past 3 days. I feel like the most awful person ever, the shame and guilt is already eating away at me. Can anyone offer reassurance or experience?