DP doesn’t want to keep our baby

[user1470572649]

I honestly do not know what to do. Yesterday I found out that I’m pregnant. I’ve been with DP for five years and he has always expressed that he doesn’t want children. I’ve never been sure either way but now we are in this situation after a slip up and he has made it clear that he hasn’t changed his mind and his preference would be a termination.

I have already had an abortion years ago which he doesn’t know about, it was traumatic and I really don’t know if I can go through another one. For this and a few other reasons I feel like I might want to continue with the pregnancy but I don’t want my relationship to suffer and I’m scared about going it alone the whole situation is awful and I can’t concentrate on anything else.

I wish it was the case he reassured me he would support me either way but I know if I keep this baby he will resent me in some way and vice versa if I don’t keep it I’ll hold resentment for him. The fact I always knew he didn’t want children is making it so much harder for me to work out what to do. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Or even maybe just some advice 😅

It's your body and your baby. If you want the little babe don't be forced into an abortion. Some men come around to the idea some don't. I have a few friends that have had abortions and never recovered from it. I can see you've already had one, as an older woman who has friends who now don't have children I would say think carefully about what's right for you, sometimes we have to be selfish as ultimately it's your welfare and your heart xxx

Thank you, I think I just needed someone to say it’s ok to want to keep it so genuinely thank you.

I hope he will come round. I’m trying to keep in mind that we have both just found out about this and he’s just as shocked as I am and will also be trying to sort his feelings. Feels like a really sad situation which I hope will come good in the end.

When I had my first baby my husband didn't even seem happy, now we are due a third and it's me with the wobbles and him who is very happy, you don't know what kind of dad you get until the baby is here (some who seem to be great partners fail terribly at fatherhood whilst some unexpected ones step up and really find the love it) . But very much if he's not keen and you want the baby I'd go with what you want he will probably come round once he's got over the shock. I would talk to him about how you really feel and see if he's happy to try one child, sometimes we view family as a burden in the west rather than an adventure but as you get older it's naturally where you want to be, it's tough at times but they are so worth it xxx

Definitely keep it as it sounds like this is what you want. If you terminate on his request then it is over anyway as you will strongly resent him. It’s your body do what you want to do

I think of you keep the baby then the relationship will be over but I wouldn’t terminate a PG because my partner wanted me too.

Ig you work I’d start to look at the Maternity policy to see how much you’ll be paid and how long you can take.

He is supposed to contribute and you may be entitled to Income Support.

Hello I sorry about your situation (don’t know what a DP is though).

Anyway if you or anyone else is struggling with a crisis pregnancy (often unplanned) or suffering form emotional pain after a abortion like you are try this list of resources.

lightbeforebreath.org/crisis-pregnancy-support-healing/

There is a list of MN Acronyms here.

Definitely follow your own instinct on this, not his or anyone else’s. He might come round and you might be willing to let him take his time on that given you knew he never wanted children but you will never be able to move on or not have resentment if you give up your baby for him. You will be the one suffering ultimately, not him and he will never understand how that feels. Look out for you alone at this point. Your relationship is extremely unlikely to survive you putting him first in this situation - it’s your body, your decision.