Unplanned pregnancy at 40 after bereavement and unsure what to do

[Almostsurviving]

Hi, I am 40 and in the last week found out I am 5/6 weeks pregnant which was a total shock and not planned. I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old and live with my husband who is generally supportive. My mum who was our only real support, passed away about 6 months ago and I have been pretty down since then although managing life okay on the main. Neither myself or my husband were excited about the news but my husband probably felt more strongly against it on the basis of quite obvious practicalities, like we have no support, both in our 40s, work full time and on the basis our relationship is already struggling, although we are working on it. He says he's worried he wouldn't be able to take on much more but will support me in whatever I choose. In all honesty my biggest worry is health and being okay for my existing children, since my mum died I have a fear of leaving them and what it would do to them, and so an uplanned pregnancy at my age seems like a risk. I have had pre-eclampsia in previous pregnancies. I am also feeling so unwell in the early stages of the pregnancy, impacting my ability to deal with the kids. Although I am also worried I will regret a decision to terminate, it will add to the grief and guilt I live with around my Mum's death and may make my relationship with my husband worse. I'm really just looking for thoughts or any advice....thanks

Hi, Im sorry you are facing this uncertainty and decision. It is never easy - you have some time to decide and i would recommend speaking to a professional first to determine what you truly want. I’m sos sorry for the loss of your mother - I lost my mom when my son was 8 weeks old. It was such a difficult time with so many emotions. I also had an abortion 7 months ago due to mental health issues during pregnancy, and the grief I have from the termination is worse than anything i ever went through before. I guess since there is also the guilt associated with it. Everyone is different and reactions vary after an abortion. I would talk to a professional and also listen to your heart - dont go through with only if its what your husband wants. It is a hard decision to make but try not to rush into it and maybe make a pros/cons list and see if you can talk to a professional first.

Thank you for your response and I'm sorry for what you're dealing with too, I hope you're getting support. It's not just my husband who isn't sure, I'm really not sure either and I don't know how we would cope with no support. I will reach out for counseling if I go through with it, I spoke to my GP who was very helpful. I just worry about the impact on my children if anything were to go wrong or it be a difficult pregnancy. My son starts school this year and will really need me.

@Almostsurviving I know you made your decision, but if you want anything for the future, something for other people or even dealing with regret (if you have any). Try looking at this list of resources

lightbeforebreath.org/crisis-pregnancy-support-healing/

Thank you very much. After alot of thought and discussion both myslef and my husband decided that continuing with the pregnancy was in fact the right thing for us. So glad we didnt make a quick decision.