Regretting a medical abortion after feeling it was the practical choice

[OneCalmDenimHiker]

Hello… I had an medical abortion today.. and I already feel like I made the wrong decision.. I can’t stop crying and I hate myself.

I have 5 children 12(Sen ) 9 8 5 (Sen) and a 2 year old I have the implant in.. but found out 2 weeks ago I was pregnant again.. at first abortion didn’t even enter my mind.

but a week later it did.. we are already overwhelmed are house isn’t big enough. And I already feel like I don’t spend enough time with my older children as I’m always busy with the younger kids.
my husband said he would support me no matter what but said it wasn’t ideal and it would put even more stress on everyone.

my last pregnancy was hard I had so many issues and my son was born at 32 weeks was 4 hours away from home in the icu.. and ofc that was very stressful time for everyone

but now I feel like I’m a horrible person. I literally can’t not stop crying. I feel like I had no rights to do what I have done.
not sure what I’m looking for here.. does it get easier. I haven’t told anyone as I don’t want them to think less of me

Oh bless you. It only happened today, it all still feels so raw. Your hormones will be all over the place for a while and feeling sad, grieving, guilty etc are all so normal. It sounds like you absolutely made the right decision for your existing dc and that in itself is a selfless decision. Please give yourself time. I promise you, as someone who had an abortion in April and felt really upset in the following weeks, I now feel much better about my decision. Yes there are days when I still think 'what if' and feel a bit sad but I know I made the right decision. You are NOT a horrible person. Would you call someone else who had a termination a horrible person? No? So don't call yourself that either. Be kind to yourself as much as possible, rest, allow yourself to feel how you feel. Things will get better xx

Thank you so much for your kinda words.
I’m still struggling but get up every day for my babies: but honestly I feel empty

I’m so sorry you are feeling regret and guilt. I went through the same 6 months ago at 7 weeks with my third pregnancy. Mine was actually planned but i developed what i now know was severe perinatal anxiety and depression which ultimately let me to terminate as i could not take it any longer. I felt regret immediately after- its been hell for me. I also coulnt function the first couple months so i had to go on a medical leave at work. It was brutal and honestly i still feel the same (i regret it and have immense guilt from what i did), but it has slowly gotten better to live with. I would recommend a therapist or professional to talk this through. I’m working with a therapist since the abortion and i would not be doing as well today if it was not for that extra support. Sending you a hug 🫂 i understand, its so so hard. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk to someone. This is such an isolating experience as no one talks openly about it and there is much stigma, shame associated with this unfortunately.

Hi OP, just sending a message to say I can’t really say it better than @Supernoodlez

I also had an abortion in April, for reasons that it was unplanned and I don’t have the capacity right now to support other kids, already feel overstretched, get very snappy and overwhelmed, I love them so much and if I could choose being happier with them or keeping the pregnancy, I chose the former.

like suoernoodlez, three months on I still have moments of sadness, every day. But I have had a lot of joy since having the abortion, to my surprise. Times with friends, happy times with the kids, enjoying the weather. With time, I can feel it getting better.

a few things that have helped:

• replacing the word ‘baby’ in my head with ‘pregnancy’. I didn’t not keep the baby, I didn’t keep the pregnancy. It was my pregnancy, my body, not someone else’s body. It’s my life, my husband’s life, our children’s lives. These are the ones that have important rights.
• every month, the potential of someone comes out in your period. By using contraception, we are also giving or depriving life the right to exist.
• doing a lot of research into images of real embryonic pregnancies and realising the ones that google shows you are just not accurate. It’s really a blob that is so soft and translucent that’s it’s very difficult to distinguish from uterine wall tissue. It’s not a tiny jelly baby with hands and feet.

don’t know if any of this helps, but just wanted mostly to send you a hug.

Thank you for your nice replies! And your stories.

I know for my family it was right. I’m already so overwhelmed with the children I have. I want to be supportive mother. I havent been great the past week but I’m trying so hard for me children.

im finding it so hard because my sister is pregnant and is due a week before i was x

Hi @OneCalmDenimHiker I get it. You did the bravest thing. For your kids.
In both of our situations, everyone would say it’s the right thing to do, from the outside. But being the person who has had to do it is the hardest.
Now you have to keep it from your sister, too. That’s hard.
have you told your parents?
sending hugs

that must be really difficult. I've seen a few pregnancy announcements for the month I would have been due and that has been tricky to navigate emotionally so I imagine your situation with your sister is extra hard. It's a really complex and emotional time. You are allowed to feel sad even knowing you made the right choice. I am the same as you and know I would really struggle with 3. But in my hardest moments all the reasons I had for going ahead with the termination seem stupid and I wish I hadn't done it sometimes. It's your heart talking, not your head, in those moments but it can be hard to rationalise at the time. Give yourself space. You can book counselling with the abortion provider too if it may help. Sending strength xx

Feeling thankful I am not pregnant in the heat wave 🙏

Ooh yes!