Unexpected pregnancy at 42 after difficult losses and a recent birth

[Hoppy27]

I'm wondering if anyone can help me, I'm 42 years old and this is my story. Me and husband have been together for 26 years and have 5 children together, ages are 21, 19, 16, 12 and 17 months old. Back in 2022 I fell pregnant during the pregnancy I lost my mum, 10 weeks after this I lost the baby and then 6 weeks after this I lost my Nana. It was the worst time of my life but after a lot of counselling we learned to deal with all this grief we carry. So we decided we wanted to try again for a baby and in 2024 our little girl was born but it was a very scary difficult pregnancy and birth. That was us over and done with having children. But I've just found out I'm pregnant again after birth control failed. I honestly don't know what to do. My head says we can't have another baby we don't have the space for a start and it seems unfair on the other children, also I have my health to think about. But the thought of having an abortion is destroying me I know what it feels like to lose a baby and just don't know if I can grieve another one, then there's the guilt and how do I live with myself afterwards. I'm so confused so I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts and experiences

Im so sorry you find yourself in this difficult situation, and im sorry for all the losses you have endured and all so close to one another 💔 my advice is always listen to your heart and if you feel that you may regret the decision to abort, dont go through with it or talk to a professional/therapist or someone you really trust. Its hard to think straight when we panic! My situation is different in that I terminated my 3rd planned pregnancy due to awful prenatal depression/anxiety. The pain of the guilt and regret i feel now is immense, i think i would have much rather dealt with the depression/anxiety for all 9 months than to feel what i feel now. Abortion can be a solution to some, but it does come with its own mental health issues for some women and the fallout can be devastating. Also I see you have a 17 month old, the new baby could be his/her little buddy as your other children are older. I wish you the best in your decision, please just think it through carefully and consider what you want deep down.

From what you've said, I do wonder if you might struggle after an abortion with the grief and sense of loss. Good luck whatever you decide.