TTC 6 months after termination?

[LivinginNightmare]

I had an abortion in December at 7 weeks due to awful perinatal depression and anxiety. I have regretted it every single day since. We are thinking about trying again starting next month (6 months after). I have done some extensive therapy, EMDR, and stabilized on anti depressants since. I just cannot let go about having another child. I tried to just accept this as a tragic thing that happened and to move on, but I just can’t. I would love another baby, and i feel like if i do get worse depression/anxiety i now have the tools and support to get through with it. Has anyone been through anything remotely similar as my situation?(though i would hope that no one has/had gone through something as awful as this). Any guidance as to how you coped with a new pregnancy. How did you feel ttc and if you have had a baby, did it help heal you in any way? (I know this will always be with me, and i am not trying to undo or replace a child in any way).

Hey, I had an abortion in late 2024 and I feel the same way you do. I yearn for another baby and can't shake that feeling off. It's often all I think about, but I go on a rollercoaster of emotions and can't make up my mind about what to do. I've been on contraception since my termination and although I would love to have a baby now I feel in a different position in my life mentally and physically, I am terrified of getting pregnant again and becoming ill again during pregnancy. But at the same time, if I think about never having another, I also feel a deep sadness. Sorry I can't help you or provide any answers. I just wanted you to know you're not alone (I think this is actually a really common scenario) and I hope you get some positive stories 😊 wishing you all the best x

What were your anxieties that led to the termination? You need to address those first or you may well find yourself in the same situation before.

My third pregnancy was extremely complicated emotionally, and definitely wasn't a plaster for emotional anguish. It did give me something else to focus on and be distracted by. However, in the first half of the pregnancy it made me realise that my original reasons that I'd given myself a hard time about weren't just anxiety, but we're actually valid, and I came extremely close to terminating again. The only thing that stopped me was the fear of feeling even worse to be honest. He was conceived about 9 months after a termination. It's hard to talk about because of course he is now loved dearly but it certainly wasn't an easy path to go down.

Equally, if it's truly what you want, you don't need to punish yourself by not trying again. You did nothing wrong, and there is no right or wrong answer here. Just make sure it is what you want and not just a continued emotional reaction and just because you want the sadness to go away.

You will heal from this, with or without a baby. I honestly thought I would never forget things like the date I terminated and due dates, but now I have to think hard to remember. Time is a great healer, but it can't be rushed. I'd advise you to also focus on other things that you enjoy and couldn't have done with another baby - whether you choose to conceive again or not.

how far away are you from it all now @ByDreamyMintNewt?

Quite a way now. My termination was in 2023. The hardest year of my life that for a while I didn't know if I'd ever be happy again. I think I started to feel a bit better after the due date, where again I started to realise not all my concerns has been irrational.

How old is your little one now?

I was right at the start of 2024. Was pregnant before my due date - very happily. 2024 was a hard hard year, it destroyed me. I understood it so much better once pregnant again. I was disgnosed with psychosis in hindsight from that 2024 pregnancy but like you I don’t think all concerns were based on total irrational thinking (although the level they got to was off the scale irrational) I think that in some ways realising that was harder on me rather than helpful though. Realising that there was no better outcome than where we ended up and realising it was for the best brought guilt. Some of that surfaced after my youngest was born. I’m doing loads better now though. I wish it wouldn’t occasionally still pop up but I guess sometimes the journey isn’t quite as we’ve been sold. I got my story though :)

I was pregnant again before my due date. I don’t think I had any other option - I couldn’t continue as I was going round and round and beating myself up with regret. My little one definitely healed me. The pregnancy was hard, I felt a lot of the fears again but I wasn’t prepared to let them win this time.

@LivinginNightmare since you said you regret your abortion still here something that could help.
https://www.archtrust.org.uk/