Unexpectedly pregnant with a third and feeling very conflicted about timing

[bpriceI]

Hi there, posting in a last ditch effort to find some clarity. I found out last week I’m unexpectedly pregnant with a 3rd child. My current children are 4.5 and 2. Im so conflicted as in the grand scheme of things I know I want three children. However both our children were born premature and I’ve been advised I will almost need to be on house arrest if we were to have another where the pattern has been earlier and earlier pprom. I have also just bought a house and business that will need renovation and will Open in summer as well as getting married in August. I wish I could hit pause and freeze time for now but alas. I feel if I go ahead with the pregnancy It will cause extra strain on my two existing children in a time of massive change which is my main motive to not go ahead with the pregnancy but I just don’t know if I can go through with termination. Sorry for the ramble aware this is deeply personal and can’t really be advised on, but any others who have been in similar positions would love to hear your take.

I was in a kind of similar position recently and had a termination. Two dc, 3.5 and 1, had always vaguely had the idea of a third but as soon as I had the positive test was filled with dread. We have no family support, I am only just getting back into work and get my body back after breastfeeding and not in the best health with low iron, weak pelvic floor, fatigue - I knew it would put a lot of strain on my body. I have felt up and down since on whether it was the right thing to do and I do feel bad but ultimately I struggle parenting 2 very young kids alone a lot of the time and would have an unhappy time with 3. As you said it’s very personal to you, would you try for a third at a later date? It sounds like you have an awful lot going on atm. Is your dp helpful? Do you have family help? Perhaps call bpas and book in a counselling session to begin with. Sending strength for whatever option you choose

Thank you so much for your response it genuinely does help a lot. I think that’s where my guilt comes from as I would definitely like a third eventually but I had maybe thought about when my second child is school age to give my body a break and more of a chance to carry a baby closer to full term. I will definitely call bpas thank you for the tip. DP is great with the kids when he’s around but much better once out of the baby stage so it would mainly be on me the first year and a bit!

Not a problem, it can be such a lonely time so please reach out to others for support. What is your dp’s opinion? I understand the guilt about the timing completely but you have to do what’s best for you and your existing children. Hope the counselling session helps x

If your only motive for termination is timing you will likely regret your decision. I think women massively underestimate (myself included) the magnitude of what they are actually doing when it comes to termination. But it’s too late once the realisation hits. Children are never convenient 😅 but a life is a life.

Hi OP

I am in a very similar situation. Just had a positive pregnancy test and I am totally conflicted. We have 2DC and were told the likelihood of ever conceiving naturally after our 2 was almost impossible.
I feel our family is complete with 2. It’s very hard.
Have you made a decision?

I have a counselling consultation today and I’m hoping it’ll push me closer to a decision. I don’t know how I would be able to reconcile having a third later if I didn’t keep this one. So sorry to hear you are in the same position and sending strength.

He’s the same as me really, ultimately conflicted but feels it would push Our Family unit too far at the moment

Hi, I’m in almost exactly the same position as you. I had a termination on Tuesday 😢 Like pp said, you cannot underestimate the magnitude of what it is. God, it was so sad and horrendous. But I know I made the right decision for us. We are not ruling out trying again when things are different for us. Like you though: kids stages, house issues, shaky business issues, just was the worst time.
sending hug. I cried all the way through.

Some things that helped me:

• truly understanding just how small a pregnancy is in embryonic stage (many diagrams online, even nhs website, are incredibly misleading. I know because I looked at it 😢)
• making a gains and losses chart (more sensitive than pros and cons)
• counselling
• many many deep and close conversations with husband
• just letting myself cry a lot
• telling two really supportive friends who had also been through this

How was your counselling session @bpriceI?

I have an appointment Friday with MSI so I’m hoping we’ve made a decision by then. It’s so difficult, everything feels very heavy.
hope you are managing ok x