HELP
I have come here for some advice.
background - 29 Y/O, partner is 32.
we have 2 children 9&7 (F&M)
I am in early stages of a specialist nursing career.
I found out recently that I am expecting baby no.3. It wasn’t planned, however has still happened.
I am so torn, with what to do. Here’s why..
Unfortunately I am in some debt..; going into the thousands. I pay this off £600 P/M. I am the bread winner right now, my partner is self employed, he is merely bringing in £1000 PM. I am bringing in 2.5 times that. so our wage is needed. My partner is always applying for new jobs as he stated he wants the baby … but we’ve known 4 weeks and are still in the same position.
going forward Maternity would be short lived, I would need to come back to work at 6 months to help the household stability.
we are also requiring a new house… this is already in process but is also going to affect affordability. we need more bedrooms. My children share and therefore we need something promptly for them.
we are only just managing right now with finances and if/when I go on to maternity pay (full pay 8 weeks, half pay 24 weeks and then SSP) I am not going to be able to cover the bills that need covering.
I also have doubts…
- will my mental health suffice? I am medicated and last year had a bad breakdown. PND in last pregnancy too.
- age gap… my youngest boy will be 7.5 years… am I just past this now?
- no family support… me and my partner juggle childcare between ourselves when I say we have no one, we genuinely have no one.
With both of my living children I never got the chance to enjoy early motherhood due to personal circumstances. This could be something new and exciting for me.
I also have always felt that I am “not done” yet having children and often crave expanding my family.
my children have asked quite a lot of times for more siblings … which is nice.
I am so torn between my head and heart, I am filled with guilt, pressure, worry. I booked termination on 2 separate occasions now and have ended up cancelling these.
Please… tell me your stories of similarity or give advice I don’t have long to decided I am already 8 weeks 2 days 😢 and I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Especially the innocent baby growing inside of me 💔