Unplanned third pregnancy at 5 weeks, torn between termination or continuing

[OneKhakiZebra]

Hi everyone.

Not a post I eve thought I’d be sharing anywhere but I’m looking for any help and advice to people who have been in my shoes.

I found out I was pregnant last week. Currently 5+4 weeks. Completely unplanned and in the 1% of contraception not working.

I already have a two healthy children, a girl and a boy (4 and 10). We were 1000% done at 2, so this has been such a shock. I am running a busy business whilst also studying a medicine degree at university which as you can imagine brings a lot of stress and a year of hospital rotations in 2027. But I’m trying to make the future better for my family.

My husband is a hard worker but has average pay, and with the cost of living we don’t have any spare money at all.

Our initial thoughts were we 1000% couldn’t go through with the pregnancy and i started the ball rolling with a termination, since then I have been having doubts, guilt, the thought of regret and the feeling of what if.

I just don’t know what to do, MSI choices offered counselling but have failed to call me on both appointments. I’m not sleeping, worried sick and already have morning sickness (I suffered from hyperemesis with my daughter)

The thought of getting a termination is completely eating me alive, but equally I cannot imagine how a 3rd baby would fit in to our lives, both logistically and financially. I’m worried how it will affect my eldest, who is about to start high school and is quite anxious and sensitive. We only have a 3 bed house, we have only just re mortgaged. My mum and dad are so supportive with childcare but equally I don’t feel 3 children landing upon them is fair when they already do so much.

To anyone who’s been in my position I’d be so grateful for any words of wisdom to help me come to a decision.

I’m so worried that once I take that tablet I’ll be filled with instant regret.

Wow what a helpful comment. Thank you for your support. We were using it properly, and only had intercourse once in 6 weeks. Explain that one! I have the implant. How can I not be using it properly?

Every single person who has ever had an unplanned pregnancy claims they were 100% using it correctly. Almost none were. Maybe you were the very rare example of someone with a true contraception failure, only you know that.

If you are doubting and feeling guilt and you want another then go ahead. You will likely feel awful afterwards if not xx

I wasn’t asking for judgment or horrible comments. Have you been through this? If not please go away and let actual nice people who want to help comment

That’s the problem I don’t want another, or didn’t think I did. But the thought of termination is making me feel horrified, guilty and a terrible person

If you are already having feelings of guilt and scared that you will regret it, please take your time and really think this through. Perhaps get some counselling before hand to help you decide. A termination is permanent and there is no going back, as I have sadly learned the very hard way. I terminated about 3 months ago due to terrible anxiety and depression (did not realize at the time). However, after the termination it has been a million times worse with the guilt and regret. Its been the absolute worst time of my life mentally and I have had some shit times in life before all this. Don’t rush into anything right now and take some time to decide, perhaps you are just shoked as pregancy is a big deal and does change your life - but maybe once the initial shock of finding out wears off, you might feel differently? Good luck with your decision and feel free to message me if you need any additional support.

Hi, I just wanted to say I understand as I am in the same situation. Although I only have one child, but have had a Mirena in and fell pregnant. I am now about 7 weeks and really go between termination and not, although my husband wants to keep the baby.
My two year old child is extremely full on and hard work and I don’t think I’ll cope with another- hence why I had the Mirena in. We have a big holiday planned to Italy next year with family which I would find so hard with two again, and I work away once a week and probably won’t be able to continue to do that with two kids. We really didn’t want any more children for another 2 years at least. It is an awful decision to make and I’m sorry I can’t help but wanted to say I’m here too xx

Just have the termination. You have your life planned our with your two children and career. It's natraul to feel guilt and feel torn but in a few months with support from your husband you will feel glad you did and go back to normal life. Do you really want to go through a year of pregnancy and post partum then the years that follow running around a babies schedule when you are studying medicine and about to start placements? Put you first and just enjoy life as a family of 4.

I have had experience of this before when I had a 1 and a 3 year old. I went backwards and forwards about the decision but ultimately I knew I could not cope mentally with three under five and decided to terminate I have not regretted that decision. Fastforward to now 7 years later I find myself in this unfortunate situation again. I won’t bore you with the details but to cut a long story short I bled continuously for a year with the marina coil and mini pill , and was told I could not have the normal pill because I have aura migraines. One night of sex when I thought I would just about to come on my period ended in pregnancy again (after 7 years of regular periods and avoiding it). I feel angry at the whole situation and with myself to be honest it’s awful but my immediate gut instinct is that life settled down with older children and I do not think I could mentally cope with another. I hemmoraged with my last pregnancy and also we had complications and lots of tests with my daughter which made the whole thing so stressful. I think putting my family potentially though that again is not worth it. It could work out fine but it could dramatically affect our quality of life now as we are if it didn’t . Taking into account all the risks I know termination is the right route for me. But I would advise just taking the time to think about it. I’ve really thought about the two options and I know and feel comfortable with what I have decided - I did consider continuing but my overwhelming feeling is the right option is to terminate . It can’t always be that clear cut but for me and my terrible anxiety it is the right choice for my family. Sorry you are having to decide this but if it is only going to add stress and chaos to your life then I’m not sure it would be for the best but that is my opinion personally because I do not deal well with risk and uncertainty well. I also know my partner would not be up for this as he is nearly 50 and says he doesn’t want to be an ancient dad. He’s quite selfish to be honest and know he would not pull his weight if we did have another and it would 100% fall on me. X

I am in exactly the same position. Pregnant with third and so anxious about the impact on my two other children and our life. How are you getting on now?

I have just put on a similar thread.
I totally sympathise,., in a very similar situation. I have 2 children 9&7 … I’m also in the early stages of my medical career… lots of financial pressures and no support from family unfortunately.
I have an overwhelming guilt on whether to terminate. I’m 8 weeks and I’ve gone back on forth… it’s such a difficult decision to make and I battle with myself every. Single. Day.

sending you so much strength I hope the decision you make is right for you!

thanks for all your responses. I’m just at a complete loss of what to do, when I think of termination I feel guilty, when I think of carrying on I feel
guilty, I just don’t know what to do 😭

@Bingo123456 can you DM me?

So sorry you are going through this @OneKhakiZebra , it’s a miserable situation to be in.

I was in a very similar situation myself (two children with unplanned third) and had a medical termination three weeks ago, at eight weeks gestation. The first week or so was horrific - I was awash with regret, shame and self-hatred. I felt almost immediately after I took the pills that it wasn’t the right decision for us. I wasn’t prepared for that and to be honest I don’t think enough is spoken about abortion regret.

That said, in light of the horrendous war in Iran and the potentially once-in-a-generation cost of living spike that is inevitably coming our way, I feel I made the correct decision. It does still sting though when I hear of pregnancy announcements etc.

Wishing you well in whatever decision you make. 💐

A little update, I have decided to go ahead with the termination. I have gone over and over the options more times than I can say, and logistically, mentally and financially it isn’t the right thing for us as a family. I want to be present in my two kids lives and not spread myself thinly, I want to be the best mum to them I can be and give them the future I always dreamt of for them. I feel sad I’m not going to lie and I may always wonder what it, but I could think that about so many things and I have to go with my instinct. Thank you everyone for your help and for helping me find the strength to do this x

Good luck! Feeling guilty or sad is normal but doesn't mean you've made the wrong decision. Infact it's quite an empowered and informed decision and you are choosing your family, career and yourself. All.the best x

Good luck. I had my termination on Wednesday although they are now suspecting molar pregnancy afterwards so after thinking I would feel relieved I’m now stressed about that! I won’t know for sure for another few weeks. It is so rare though I would never have thought they would say something like that. Just be kind to yourself , we do need to make these tough decisions sometimes I powered through with my current children in mind and just wanting to get back to some sort of normality the period in between finding out your pregnant , making the decision and then going through with it is hellish and there’s no easy option. You have to just pick the one that’s right for you x

Good luck and post again if you need support afterwards xxxx

how Did they consider a molar pregnancy? Was this before the termination? I had a horrible experience where my symptoms didn’t seem right and they said it was in the wrong place. I terminated but a consultant overturned the wrong place. I couldn’t cope with that I could feel where it was on my left side and they said it was wrong. I will never know if it was ok or not.

I really would not worry about molar pregnancy it is so rare it’s just a comment that was made after I had the termination. They did it and then the consultant said there was more tissue than usual for 5 week pregnancy and they were sending it for testing. It scared the hell out of me at the time but reading on it it should be fine but of course it’s just one more thing dragging on which is far from ideal for me. X

Thank you for replying. Can you keep me updated when you hear? It’s just that you said it was so rare … well that’s basically what happened to me with regards to being told it was in the wrong place and called a corneal ectopic. I’ve had problems since with pain etc but scans have been all good so I can pray all is good. But it just finished me off mentally. It was like it wasn’t reality being told it was in the wrong place and then a consultant said it was normal.