Perinatal depression, abortion or not?

[RB12385]

A few years ago, I had a wanted pregnancy however my mental health took a huge plummet and at 7 1/2 weeks I decided to have an abortion. My husband was very supportive, we got through it and never regretted it. A few months ago, we decided we would try again and I am now 5 weeks pregnant. However, my anxiety and depression and low mood, along with confusion has also returned and I don’t know if I want to have this baby. My husband is supportive and will support anything we choose to do. However, I’m 30 and feel like I’d be saying no to forever; my husband thinks if we choose to end the pregnancy w can do a lot of therapy and work and it doesn’t mean the door is closed forever. I don’t know if I can go through another abortion but I also don’t know if I can continue a pregnancy feeling this way. We did actively try and we chose names and everything. I just don’t know what to do. I feel terrible but I’m almost wishing a miscarriage to take the pain away.

Do you think you want children?

if you do then go to the gp and ask for help regarding perinatal anxiety and explain all. They can give you medication to help along the way xxxx

I agree with the above poster, go see your gp and let them know how you are feeling so they can support you. I had a termination 7 weeks ago, didnt realize it at the time but i also had perinatal anxiety/depression. Panic and dread consumed me during the weeks i was pregnant. I worried about every little thing that were not a big deal at all - but at the time it felt so so intense. I wish more than anything that i went to my gp and got some help but i was to embarassed to admit how i was feeling at the time (wished for miscarriage, freaked out about finances even though it would have been fine, worried about maternity leave and work, didnt want to get bigger and be big/pregnant during the summer - its like my mind was not my own) it all felt like such a big deal then, and i just wanted to have my life back. This was all part of perinatal anxiety/depression and i never heard of it before and never experienced it during my pregnancies with my other two children. I ended up terminating at 7 weeks, but what i didnt realize was that i could never get my prior life back. The aftermath of the termination has been a million times worse than the anxiety/depression during the pregnancy. Once the fog lifted from all the anxiety, i realized what i had done (i pretty much sleep walked into the termination just to make it all stop). I was in a terrible state after the termination, and realizing that my baby was gone. I couldnt get out of bed for the first couple weeks, had to get signed off work, ended up on antidepressants, and got very close to suicide (and pretty sure i would have gone through with it if i didnt have my two kids). I regret terminating so so much and would literally do anything to go back in time and make different decisions. It breaks my heart knowing had i just sought help, perhaps the outcome would be different for me.

Since you planned the pregnancy and even picked names etc., please think of how this could affect you mentally afterwards (something i never really considered). Sometimes terminating can seem like a quick fix that can get you back to your normal life before. But once its done, it cannot be undone, and perinatal anxiety/depression really can cloud your way of thinking/judgement. Please take your time with your decision and speak to a professional and go from there.

How are you doing OP? I have been through something similar having peri natal depression in 3 pregnancies and it was truly awful, here if you need to chat x

Thank you for replying, I am the original poster and still not doing great. How did you cope? What did you do during those three pregnancies? Do you have children? I’m so worried I will hate the lifestyle of having a child as my husband and I love our life so much. But we worry we will regret ending it too so much. We really don’t know what to do. We have a scan on Wednesday and the hospital would book an appointment from there to end the pregnancy.

First time I had a termination then had 2 further children but felt exactly the same in those pregnancies, just then I was able to rationalise that I did want children and it was the depression talking.

Just remember there is no right decision, plenty of women have terminations and cope just fine but for me it was catastrophic and I fell into a deep depression afterwards which no one warned me about. That is not me saying you should keep the baby as I am completely pro choice. However the fact that you tried again (much like I did) is maybe an indication that you do want children and this is just fear talking.

I posted here at the time but to be honest that just confused me even more. I used to read threads about people regretting having a child and I thought oh no well what if that happens to me, and it's true some people do regret it but some people don't and it turns out okay.

Good luck with whatever you decide and remember there is no right decision! Xx

Thank you for replying. How old are your children now? I have a huge fear of being trapped and worry that I’ll spiral into that fear deeper after the termination window closes. I also fear for post natal depression / psychosis, did you suffer with either of these knowing how you felt about pregnancy? I also worry I just have a lot of fear and either option to me feels terrifying, I wish I wasn’t in this situation again. My husband is very supportive and will support either way. We simply just love our life so much and I wish we did therapy first before being in this situation; I feel so frustrated and time feels like it’s running out ☹️ xx

They are 8 & 11 now, I didn't have postnatal depression or psychosis. Good luck in whatever you decide it is such a hard place to be where you are right now. Feel free to PM me if you need to x

I strongly advise you going to your gp and chatting with them about all of this. It does sound like anxiety and that you actually do want a child. But I am not you and I don’t know you. You definitely need support though xxx