I already probably know the answers I will get. But please just be gentle. I have 3 children already. My eldest two had a father that passed away recently and so he’s no longer in their lives. My third child was born when my most recent partner was living with us but we are taking some time apart right now. He is a very hands on Dad with my youngest, sees her 50/50 and also close to his step children/my eldest two. He has a great job. Just has some issues with his temper and he finds all the kids a lot sometimes, so I’m not sure if that means I will be living alone for the foreseeable. It was my decision to leave for some peace.
My eldest two have been grieving and life has been difficult. I found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant again and I’m in a literal state of shock. I have had some health worries so thought that was just delaying my period; I never thought it was this. I must be nearly 6 weeks now.
On the positive side I’m extremely lucky that I have a beautiful home, and space-wise have no reason not to be able to care for another child. My eldest two ADORE my youngest; they are so obsessed with her and I’m lucky that (whilst they argue with each other eyeroll) they are so grateful for their little sister and always say to me ‘we are so happy you had her!!!!!!’
But I’m scared. I don’t know what the future looks like. I lost my parent many years ago and always have a whimsical look on life; in the fact that I know it’s a gift. I know I will struggle with guilt and the wondering of ‘what if’ if I choose to terminate. My mum wouldn’t be supportive- she would think I’m crazy to even consider it. But then I also know that my family is not how I ‘planned’ and I don’t want to be irresponsible or selfish in the this decision. If anyone has ever been through anything similar…