Unexpected pregnancy unsure about abortion

[Londoner34]

I recently found out I’m 5 weeks pregnant. It’s come as quite a shock to my partner and I as we were both told that we had low fertility and we were using protection. I’m also turning 37 this year, he is 34.

I’ve been with my partner for two years, we’re both home owners and live separately. He has been honest from the start that he isn’t keen on having children. I on the other hand always thought I would have children but only wanted them in a healthy partnership/marriage where they were wanted by both parents. I was told when I was 33 that I had an egg count of a 40 year old and would struggle to conceive so I’d accepted that having children was unlikely for me.

My partner has been very supportive since I found out and has said he will support me whatever choice I make. He’s refused to tell me what he wants me to do as he doesn’t want to influence me either way but I know he is not keen on having children. He’s also recently left his secure career to build a business with his friend so the timing isn’t ideal for him and his finances aren’t in the best place.

The timing also isn’t ideal for me, I’ve recently taken on my managers role while he is out on paternity leave which could lead to a promotion for me and I’ve also been studying a diploma unrelated to my career which I am very close to finishing.

My first thought when I found out was to get an abortion due to the fact my partner isn’t keen on having children and the timing for both of us but every time I think about going through with it, I can’t stop crying. I know at my age, with my fertility issues and the fact my partner is not keen on trying for children in the future, this is very likely my last chance to have a child. I fear that I will regret my decision in years to come.

On the flip side, the thought of continuing with the pregnancy scares me witless. I fear that my partner will resent me and it will ruin our relationship. I fully appreciate how emotionally, mentally and financially demanding having a child is and this is why I only ever wanted one under the right circumstances. I know that it is possible I will end up doing it alone which worries me coming from a single parent family myself and seeing how much my mum struggled.

I’m fortune that I’ve built a successful career, I’ve paid half my mortgage off and I was left a reasonable inheritance so financially I can afford to have a child without support from my partner.

I know no one can make the decision for me but I would really appreciate any advice from people who have been in similar situations.

If I were to advise you I would say completely forget any thoughts around your partner. I don’t mean that in a bad way. It is good he said it is your decision. This is about you the baby inside. You said you wanted 1. With what you have said this is probably your one chance. Take the chance and enjoy it. You may fully regret it otherwise. A termination is not an easy thing. You sound like you are in a great position.

All I would say is that my children are literally the best thing in my life. I was alone with two under two (totally unexpected) and on the days that were so awful, they would crack me up laughing or come and say something soooo sweet and I just always felt they were the best gift ever. Never regretted any of it.

Yet I understand and respect the fact not all women feel that way. Some women just don’t have a maternal pull and that’s also totally normal too to just want a life with your partner where you focus on your careers and each other. It’s so hard making a decision when already pregnant because the hormones are already raging!!!!

I hope you make a decision that’s right for you. Think about your future and try to base it on your body and your feelings x

I had a termination becoase the dad didn't want my baby and it broke me. Now my situation was very diffrent I wasn't financially secure. I was 37 I'm now 39. My heart broke in a million pieces and it was horrific for me emotionally. I miss my baby deeply even though I never got to meet him or her. Please think of you and only you. Don't mind him and don't mind your carer. When your 90 years of age at the end of your life it will be your little boy or girl by your side not your boss or job . Big hug hun xxx🩷

I'll give my experience. Im currently nursing my 6wk old baby girl. I am doing it alone after my partner decided he wanted nothing to do with us both (at the start of pregnancy).. so I've gone through the pregnancy and birth alone. The abandonment has been hard, but I've coped and cant believe how strong I've been. I obviously made the decision to continue my pregnancy for a few reasons...I was 41 and saw it as my only chance (I have no other children and thought that ship had sailed/was never coming). I too am financially secure with my own home, good career etc, currently off on year long maternity and I have decent family support. My thinking was that although I know bringing up my daughter will be hard and challenging at times, I didn't need the man and in the end removed him from my decision making. I'm so glad I did, my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and she will be my only. I do not regret bringing her into the world. Please make the decision for you and your future. Decide what you think you'd regret most. We only get one life. There's no right or wrong decision, but either way, your choice cannot be undone. You are a few years younger than me, but time is unforgiving when it comes to our fertility window, and its just something to bear in mind. Wishing you all the best. You'll do what's right for you.

As a younger mother with four children that I adore, I recently went through a termination, and it is singlehandedly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Really think about what you want in life and less about others. I know some fantastic single parents. I also know people who have children without considering the great responsibility that comes with it. It is a life changing decision to make. My SIL fell pregnant after 6 months of being with her partner. 5 years later, they are married with baby 3 on the way. Things have a funny way of working out well, no matter what decision you make. But you have to put yourself at the centre of that decision.