For context I have two DDs, 7 & 4, so this would be my third baby. My sister is two years older than me and we just learnt as a family her and her partner are pregnant with their first child (wonderful news, overjoyed for her). My DDs so far are the only grandchildren and only blood nieces to my two sisters, they are ecstatic at the thought of getting a cousin.
I found out I was pregnant last week too, as it happens the day after her. Unplanned, a complete shock. With what she told us about dates, I am two weeks behind her (both still v.early days). My husband and I are completely stuck with what to do and whether to move forward with the pregnancy. Even before finding out about my sister we were confused but since finding out about my sister it has made things even more confusing.
We both work full time, are very busy with our girls, jobs, pets and general life. We have both struggled with our mental health & overstimulation over the years but have always always communicated well and got through things as a team. We struggle financially but do our best. We feel we are both in upwards places right now, figuring things out and learning to be the best version of ourselves. We are good parents, work very hard to be and are very proud of our girls. We are very busy, sometimes overwhelmed, financially hard up but in a happy place. Our girls have a good dynamic and before this happened we both said we are happy with no more children as we also feel we are “getting some independence back” out of the young toddler stage. We aren’t bound by routine and they can go into soft play by themselves etc! A new baby would throw all this out the water and be stressful. I think our family would think we are crazy, we are very lucky our families are so close and we have a lot of easy access support in terms of childcare. A third baby would change this - not as easy for sleepovers, lifts, school runs, just going over for dinners, babysitting. It’s a completely different dynamic. Our two girls are very close to their families and are adored by their grandparents and aunts and uncles.
But on the flip side, it has also surprised me I have a longing to go ahead with this. I don’t know whether this is because I am moving out of the toddler phase so therefore my identity is changing. Or because women are crazy and we find ourselves longing for something that we know is hard work and changes us 🤯
Finding out about my sister has made things so much more confusing for both sides of the argument. How cool would it be to have babies two weeks of each other? I am very close to my sister, they would be ready made best friends. So much fun to go through it together. I also feel overwhelming guilt that we are considering whether to go through with this when they are so happy about it. It feels a mockery somehow. But also I would hate to take away from my sisters special time as a first time Mum. It should be all about her and their baby. All those exciting new steps and milestones all the family should be invested in that. Would my third baby take away from that? Or would my baby be left in the shadows?
I have no no no idea what to do. And I need to sound this out as I only have my husband to talk to (I don’t want to tell anyone right now)
TIA