TW: mentions abortion. 3 under 3.

[SillyShark]

Hi all, I’m absolutely at a loss here, sorry to turn to strangers on the internet but I don’t know who to talk to.
I’m a SAHM to twins that turned 2 in November and they are amazing. We’ve found out we are expecting again which is a huge surprise as we have used protection. Now we’ve known since 4 weeks and I’m now 8 weeks and I just can’t get my head around it. I’ve tried so hard to think of us as a family of 5 but my husband has a new job and works shifts out the house 12 hours 5 days a week, my mum is really ill. His mum doesn’t respect any of my boundaries and is normally quite insulting about any of my parenting choices. I don’t know what to do. My twins will be 2.9 when this one is born. I don’t want to be a bad mum to them exhausted and not able to give them everything they deserve. I had a traumatic birth and postpartum with the twins that I think that playing a part.
Also now our families know just parents as I wasn’t drinking at Christmas and his mum is like a dog with a bone and my husband can’t seem to lie to his mum so she’s doesn’t stop talking about it basically moving in and texts every day how happy she is even though we said we were surprised and we’ve not been sure on things. So I feel stuck. My husband is in one minute and out the next and I’m finding it so hard to know where I stand. I’m a people pleaser and I know that plays a part. I just don’t know I have it in me and I’m scared how I will be postpartum and I’m scared of how I will cope with 3 under 3. Iff you got this far, you are amazing and thank you!
Not sure of what the point of this is but I’m just lost and feel so alone.

Hello @SillyShark, I'm so sorry that your pregnancy didn't come under more calm circumstances. I salute any parent of twins! You must have more strength and patience than you ever thought possible. Has your husband had that schedule long? That's a really hard schedule, and hard for you when you just feel like talking to another adult.

If you are leaning toward keeping the baby, I would try to find ways to let yourself get a little relief. Is your husband's family close enough to lend a hand? I'm sorry your mother in law is a handful, mine is the same way, ugghhh. But if she's good at minding children, or if another of his family is willing, they can give you a break, even just for a few hours. You might be able to hire a responsible older teen to watch the children for a few hours so you can go out shopping or just take a walk in peace. I used a baby sling which helps lots - you can "wear" the baby so you can still do other things - I got so I could even breastfeed with the baby in it. And if your twins are not toilet trained yet, maybe you could take steps toward that in the next few months to save on diapers (I used cloth diapers and my daughter toilet trained before she was three. I think they just feel more uncomfortable when wet). And maybe you know another mum who could come over with her child, and your children can play while you fold clothes or cook and chat. Not feeling like you're in prison with toddlers is really important - I was babysitting young children for a while and you can feel trapped if you don't get out sometimes. But once I started taking more little trips or even just going outside more, it helped.

I hope you'll be able to hear the truest feelings of your heart and mind, and find the best way forward for you and your family.