Pregnant and not sure if should abort

[Al12388]

Hi, feeling completely overwhelmed right now. I tried to book a gp appointment and wasn’t able to do so- was really hoping to speak to someone in person.
im 41, I have a 3 year old son who I really love so much, he is the perfect child and I feel so lucky to have him, I’ve always felt this. My life now is perfect with him as I have more freedoms plus he loves holidays, exploring, adventure, cuddles.
I got worried about lack of siblings for him and don’t have any cousins nearby, and everyone I spoke to said why not try for a bit, see what happens. My partner wants another too although said it’s my decision.
we have had 2 months of trying and now I’m pregnant- 5 weeks. I was super worried when my period was late and when I took the test and positive I felt such sadness and a sense of doom like my current life I like is ending. I was happy until my missed period and now I just feel so sad, I can’t sleep properly, I think about whether I should go through with this all the time.
im worried about the risks, and also being too old to have the energy for it all, and also about what I currently have ending. I didn’t realise I was going to feel all these intense feelings of feeling so doomed or I wouldn’t have tried. I don’t want it to be that I’m with the new baby whist my partner spends all the time with my son either, that feels really sad to me.
I feel horrible for thinking about aborting, I wish I had realised these feelings before. It’s like all my thoughts changed when I saw the positive result. I know this post doesn’t make me sound good, I feel like a bad person.

Hi lovely. How long ago did you find out? You may need some time for the shock to wear off a little to think more clearly. Feeling a sense of doom and wondering how you will cope is a perfectly normal response. Only you can decide on what option to go with bit if you decide to terminate, you are not a bad person. You are a person prioritising your existing family. Sending love!

Try and get another gp appointment to speak to someone. Is there someone close you have to speak to? Your message reads as though it is shock and worry for change. This may just be an initial reaction and sit with it for a while and talk to someone close xxx

I only found out a few days before writing this message and feel way better about it now. So thanks for message. Think was just initial shock.

Thanks, I did speak to some friends and felt much better with a few days to process.

Hey @Al12388, I'm glad you're starting to feel better. You won't adore your son any less when there's another child in your family. It may make things a little easier for those times you need to be more of a rule-setting parent than a friend, although you'll always be both and those roles change over time as you and your child age. Your children will have special, unique relationships with you and with each other, and no one can take the other's place. It's normal for the human brain to feel stressed and overwhelmed when there are so many "what if's," but you have to have confidence in your own resourcefulness and strength that things will be okay. Wishing you the best!