Planning to get an abortion

[Boymum2256]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now I’m 13 weeks pregnant but we’ve both have had the conversation it’s probably not best to keep the baby. I have my scan appointment this Saturday then the decision of I want the surgery or not but we’re both indecisive on what to do as obviously my pregnancy is getting on and it’s breaking our hearts.

the reasons we’ve chose is that this is my 3rd baby and I’ve already got 2 to a di*knead and we’re not in a stable relationship which could possibly put me in the position of a single mum of 3. His mum and family hate me for some reason and his mum said to him that she will only be there for him and the baby not me which is probably something and someone I don’t want to put up with for the rest of my life, I’m also 23 and I struggle mentally as it is with the 2 I have but I can’t help but feel so torn between what to do. I could get this abortion and remember it’s for good reasons and go on about my life or keep the baby and potentially be a single mum if 3 and put up with toxic in laws

Only you can truly make that decision. It’s your body and your choice. X

Perhaps it would help to think whether having this baby is in the best interests of your existing children? I would say it doesn’t appear to be on the basis of what you write here, but only you can answer that

Thankyou I think I know the answer it’s just nice to see peoples opinions x

You are 23 and struggli ng with the 2 babies you have
Focus on them.
What is best for them?

I don’t know if you’re religious or not and you don’t really need to be but last night I bought a book for my kindle which I recommend for you www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B004MYFQ3Q?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

Only you can decide what’s best for you - it’s your body!

In your shoes, I wouldn’t go through with this pregnancy. I’d focus on the kids I already have. I’d end this toxic situation too, ditch the man and move on with my life.

Why would this be helpful?

I agree with PP. I wouldn’t go ahead with the pregnancy. I’d concentrate on the children I had. And I’d definitely ditch the boyfriend and his toxic family.

Yeah I agree tbh and I just need my life back and focus on me and my children and be happy

First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a deep personal crisis. I would encourage you to keep your child. There are resources and pregnancy centers that can help you and your child up to two years up to after birth. I believe you have such an inner strength that you will able to caring your baby to term. I believe in you. I hope you get around good people that can help and support you! There is hope!

Thankyou so much for your comment, I really needed to hear this today and if I do decide to keep the baby I’d never regret it once they are here. It’s just so difficult I feel like I’m at war in my own head.

I'm so glad to hear that my comment helped you on a day like this! I´'ve been thinking a lot about you since I read this thread earlier today.

I´ll give some more of my two cents while I'm here:

• There are no guarantees in life. If you go through with the abortion, there is no way of knowing how you will feel about it afterwards, even with the "right reasons". I know about many women who regret their decision, and think daily about the child they could have had.
• The child you are caring is the sibling of your two lovely children that you already have. The best gift you can give your children is siblings. They will have your back, and they will have each other for life.
• I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with mental health. But there is help out there, and there is hope of getting better. I believe in you!
• Your boyfriend should man up and take responsibilty for you and his unborn child. His mother and her bad attitude is first and foremost his problem, and he should set it straight that you, his girlfriend and the mother of his first child, ought to be treated with kindness and respect.
• If you were to end up as a single mom with three kids, I still deeply believe in you and you will be a superhero. I listened to the Ramsey Show yesterday and a woman called in and told Dave about her situation. Her partner left her when he found out she was pregnant. I was moved by Dave´s speech to this young mother and I felt like sharing this with you too. The episode is from April this year:

(Skip to 21:40)

You are strong and beautiful! I believe in you. Big hugs from me to you.

@Boymum2256, how is your relationship with your partner? How did he react when you found out you were pregnant, and how is he now? Are your worries mostly financial?
I would not let the in-laws sway your decision. They might not like you now, but that could change in the future. Or they might be prickly towards you always, which would be very immature of them, but it's not something you can do much about. You are the one who will most directly have to live with the choice you make here, not them. How hard would it be if your boyfriend ended the relationship? Does he support you right now?
Abortion is an option, but it changes things. For some people, it seems like the logical thing to do and they move on with life. For others, grief and sadness may set in, and their only wish is that they could go back in time and make a different choice. There's no way to know exactly how you'll deal with the aftermath. If you have doubts, listen to them carefully. Safe travels to you as you navigate your way forward.

Our relationship is very toxic and we argue a lot. I already have 2 children to another person and I can’t see myself coping with 3 young children on my own but at the same time I don’t think I am mentally strong enough right now to go through with the abortion and especially because my appointment won’t be until I am 17 weeks. We’re okay financially but he thinks we are not even after me saying babies don’t actually cost that much I just feel like I’m at war in my own head right now the dad wants me to get the abortion which I think is very horrible wanting me to go through all that at 17 weeks! I just don’t know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear this. You and your baby derserve so much better and more!
Have you tried contacting a pregnancy center near you? I'm am sure they could provide you support and guidance.
I'm keeping you in my prayers!

@Boymum2256, I'm sorry that your partner is being so harsh with you, on top of all the stress you already have. There is a third, very difficult choice you might want to consider, which is letting an infertile or gay/lesbian couple adopt your baby. I agree that a seventeen week old foetus is very far along and would be difficult to think about aborting at that stage. If you go the adoption route, you would have extra time to change your mind, and if you know in your heart you can't care for another, your "problem" baby could be another family's greatest blessing, a baby to love when there was no other way for them. I'm well aware that that would be an incredibly difficult choice as well. You would have to weigh it against the difficulty of aborting. And there are more types of adoption available these days, if you would like to have a relationship with the child or exchange photos and letters, there are open adoptions where you have a relationship with the family. It's worth thinking about, especially when Keep and Abort both seem equally impossible. It sounds like the father would not have a problem signing away parental rights. I'll be praying for you and hoping you find your best way through this situation.

@Boymum2256 i hope your doing okay. You are in a really tough position. After my termination I was crippling with grief I wasn't prepared for. Dad of child also told me to abort . Horrible human being . They have no problem getting us pregant but then think they can tell us to do with our body's and life ! U sadly listended and also was at war with my head ! There is a lesson for you in this no matter what you decide . I promise you one thing if you decide to keep or not you will come out stronger than ever . After the grief and the pain I realized so much about myself . It was bitter sweet I learned so much yet I had to give up my baby to learn . This is between me and my baby's soul. I wish you nothing but love and I hope your okay xxx