Unexpectedly pregnant, don’t know what to do!

[Strangesally20]

I’m 34, happily married have two kids 5 and almost 3. We only planned on having two kids and DH is on the waiting list for a vasectomy. Birth control has been tricky for me since having my second with lots of bleeding with different options. I’ve been on the pill but admittedly have missed a few or taking it late occasionally (nurse who does 12 hour shifts makes it difficult to take at the same time every day), clearly this hasn’t worked out well because I’m now 6 weeks pregnant and have no idea what to do.

On paper a 3rd child seems no big deal, we are happily married, have the finances to manage, our home is big enough, age gap between the kids would be fine, I already only work 2 days a week and we have a really good support system but I just don’t know if I can face going back to the start again, my youngest is finally sleeping better and getting a bit easier, he’s due to get his free nursery hours soon and we will be free of childcare fees, we have holidays and so many plans for next year but all of this seems like quite a selfish reason to have a termination.

Has anyone been in the same position and what have they done? I know ultimately it is my decision but I’d like to hear from other who have been through it.

I have not been in your position, but I would like to encourage you that all the circumstances you listed are variable and understandable that you take into consideration. However, I think 15 years from now, the circumstances will be forgotten and I think you and your husband would regret not having your third child. Nothing can replace a child or an extra sibling to your children. I wish you and your family all the best!

@Cheering4you thank you for your reply. I probably should have mentioned in my OP but my biggest concern is the possibility of having a child with SEN, we both have pretty severe neurodiversity in our families (siblings) so we know how tough this can be for families, of course my children are very young but at the moment at least they are both displaying as totally neurotypical, I just feel so lucky in my life at the moment with two healthy happy children and a very happy home life I’m terrified to rock the boat. If I had a crystal ball and a guarantee that I would have a healthy child with no SEN or major difficulties I absolutely would do it, it would be a tough few years but I have no doubt we could deal with it but unfortunately life doesn’t work that way! DH is being very supportive and saying all the right things that he will be supportive no matter what I decide but that he feels it needs to ultimately my decision and isn’t pushing either way but I know deep down he doesn’t want another child, in some ways I wish he would just tell me what to do.

Hello @Strangesally20, how shocked you must have been, to become pregnant when your husband is preparing for a vasectomy. I think it's lovely that he is being supportive even though he considered two to be enough. Of course when you are pregnant, you have to re-evaluate all your thinking and ask, "How would this work for us?"

I think every mum worries about the possibility of having a child with special needs. Of course it's much more likely that if they do have SEN, that it would be minor rather than major. And there's always the chance of any human becoming disabled, we are all just one accident from becoming special needs. Or like my daughter who developed Coeliac Disease at age 16, you just never know when something may happen. But we love our children and every year there is better medicine, or therapy, or measures to deal with whatever disabilities a person might have. It sounds like there is room in your heart and home for a third child. And though the baby years are tiring, they do go by quickly, so don't just think about the next year or two, think about five, ten, and twenty years from now. And your husband could still go get the vasectomy so that you know for sure this is the last surprise pregnancy you'll have.

I hope that you'll be able to find a way through this that gives you peace in mind and heart.