Should I have a baby on my own.

[1991B]

I would really appreciate some honest advice please. I’m nearly 35 years old and 2 weeks pregnant to somebody I hardly know, he wants nothing to do with it and blocked me (fair enough). I’ve always wanted children and also wanted my child to have a family, this was very important to me. As I am an only child with my extended family being in a different country. My parents both passed away two months ago so my head is all over the place :( I want this child but I would love for it to have a father or other family members which is clearly not going to happen. I don’t know if I should keep this baby or if I will ruin its life by not giving it a family. All I’ve ever wanted was to have kids and because of my age I’m worried this might be my only chance. A part of me wants to wait and see if I can meet somebody who wants to create a family with me but a part of me understands that this may never happen. I’ve been single for 5 years now. I don’t know if I should have this baby on my own. I’m so confused and stressed out. Please help xx

I guess you would need to ask yourself how you’d feel if you wait and never find that perfect situation. I think a lot in life isn’t perfectly how we imagine it and if you want to make it work you absolutely will. That said, absolutely any choice you make is valid and reasonable right now. Do what’s right for you. No choice either way is an easy one.

Hello @1991B, I'm so sorry to hear that the man you got pregnant with is deciding he doesn't want to be involved or take responsibility. I don't know where you live, but usually men must pay child support for children they have created. However, I could understand wanting to get that negativity out of your life.

My neighbor was in a situation much like yours- she was in her thirties and very much wanted to be a mum. She accidentally got pregnant with a guy she'd just met at the pub. She told him she was having the baby but that she wanted no further contact with him, and he was fine with that. She had her daughter and raised her with some support from her own parents. Eventually she met a great man who she married, and he was a fantastic stepfather to her daughter. He also had a son from a previous relationship.

I feel like if you've always wanted to be a mum, you could take this as the universe saying "Here's your chance!" I think the only bad decision is waiting until everything is perfect before going forward, because it will never happen. It sounds like you could be a wonderful mum and I think you'd regret aborting. I'm so sorry your parents passed away, you're so young to lose them both. Do you have the finances to take care of a child? I say it all the time, that so often the best things in life are not what we planned. Whether you ever find a partner or not, you can still be all the family this child needs. All my best to you.

Thank you for your lovely reply @SilverScales . I don’t have a job as I was at university but had to drop out due to my parents deaths, but they did leave me their savings which means I would have money to help me bring this child up for the first few years. I also feel like this is the universe or even my parents giving me a gift as the timing of the pregnancy is just so strange, two months after their deaths. Like I said I’ve never been pregnant before, always been so careful and I’m just questioning why now and why with this man. Maybe it’s all meant to be this way but the fears are still very real in terms of not having any support/family. That is actually my biggest fear, I would love to hear from women who have completely done it on their own, is it possible? Or is it irresponsible, what if there is a real emergency with me and I need to go into hospital ect. This is the biggest decision I’ve had to face in my life so far and it feels like an impossible one at the moment. x

Thank for your nice reply, @1991B. I thought about what you said, and I think it's important to remember that the most important thing is to surround yourself with good people. It doesn't matter if they are related by blood. Maybe you have some friends from university. Or neighbors. If you would plan to breastfeed your baby, maybe there's a chapter of La Leche League you could join. I did that and met many great mums, some of whom I stayed friends with. There are always parent groups you can join and if there was another single mum, maybe you could provide occasional child care for each other or do things together. Millions of mums raise children without a partner and while it's not easy, it's still a family. It's a blessing that you have some savings to give you a boost, and hopefully a chance at a good job from your education. Find someone you trust to be an emergency contact, who could look after your child if you did have a medical emergency.

If you have always wanted to be a mum, I think this could be an exciting new development in your life. Nothing can prepare you for how much you will love your baby. It changes you! Only you can know how you really feel, but from your post I get the sense that you'd regret having an abortion. Think about what you want most out of life and go from there.