I really don’t know what to do

[Rach7291]

DD is 18 months. I am 8 weeks pregnant. We weren’t really trying to get pregnant right now. It took 7 years to conceive DD. I had awful PPD and am still in therapy now. I don’t feel any excitement towards this pregnancy, which makes me feel so guilty. I am not ready for another baby right now but because of my partners age, its now or never. I have looked into abortion options but i’m terrified of making the wrong decision.

Keep your baby - there can come great things from this!

Hello @Rach7291, I can't imagine the whirlwind of feelings and disbelief you must be going through right now. To spend seven. Long. Frustrating. Grief-filled years trying to conceive a child. And then to get pregnant while trying not to get pregnant! It must feel so unreal. I'm sorry that post partum depression is something you've been dealing with, but I'm so glad you have a professional to help you through it. I've heard there are some good depression medications that are safe to take during pregnancy. Is the depression the main reason you don't feel ready for another baby right now, or is there something else? Does your partner help with taking care of your daughter and chores around the house?

Because of how hard it was for you to conceive, I'm sure you'll think this through extremely carefully. Maybe make some lists of the pros and cons of having another baby, and not just now, but a year from now, three years, five years, ten years. The scary thing about making important decisions based on feelings is that feelings can change. So many mums on this board have felt overwhelmed and unsure, and chosen to abort. But then they come back and say, "Why did I doubt myself? Now I feel like everything would have been okay." Some even rush to try to conceive again.

How does your partner feel about it? Does he know, or are you carrying all these thoughts alone?