Termination 💔

[Lousta98]

Hello all,

I had a follow up 12 week scan at kings college Harris birthright centre. Sadly, there’s a lot of abnormalities with my baby (obliterated cisterna magna, fast heart beat , cleft palate , spinal issue pointing to severe spina bifida). Obviously I’m absolutely devastated and have been told the baby wouldn’t survive so I’m having to make the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy. Never in a million years did I think this would happen and I am absolutely dreading it.

For those of you who have gone through termination, how bad is it? Physically and mentally? I am to wait for a call from my local hospital to discuss next steps. I would probably choose not to have it done surgically, but the alternative of taking a tablet to miscarry doesn’t sound too pleasant either. I am behind heartbroken and dreading the days/weeks ahead. This baby is much needed wanted and loved so much. It hurts to know I’ll never know it’s it’s a son or daughter.

i have a beautiful healthy 16 month old son, who I am so so thankful for. I miscarried in July and now facing a termination due to poor baby having so many things wrong with him/her. I can’t help but feel I did something wrong even though I’ve been assured that’s not the case at all.
Has anyone experienced similar losses and gone on to have a healthy baby after? I did have CVS needle procedure and consultant said it’ll be good to have some answers for what went wrong this time.

Thanks for reading x

Oh @Lousta98, I'm so sorry to hear that you have been given such worrying news about the baby you're carrying. I can't imagine the shock and heartbreak you're going through, especially after a painful miscarriage. I had heard that vast improvements had been made for children with spina bifida, but maybe in your case it is beyond what they are able to remedy. I'm so sorry, I don't have anything helpful to say other than that I'll be praying for you and I hope you have a lot of support from your partner and family.

Thank you for your response.
Unfortunately, kings college hospital called me to confirm that baby has Patau’s syndrome, which is not compatible with life sadly. I’m completely devastated . It’s so rare so we’ve just been so so unlucky. All the abnormalities are directed linked to Patau’s and this includes the potential of spina bifida.
i feel so so sorry for my baby as he/she is already so loved and is very much wanted. My local hospital have acted very quickly and I’ve already had my appointment to get the ball rolling with termination. It’s not something I ever imagined having to do, but I took the first tablet at hospital yesterday and have to go back on Sunday for the second tablet and to give birth. I am dreading it.
Ijust hope and pray that next time I conceive; that baby will be perfectly healthy.
I can’t help but feel so guilty that baby is so unwell, but I’ve been reassured it’s nothing we’ve done; just purely bad luck when it comes to chromosomes :(

I do really feel for you @Lousta98. With my first PG with DH abnormalities were picked up at 12 weeks and they thought it may be Patau’s or Edward’s. In the end it was neither.

At the time having a termination at home wasn’t an option but the Hospital staff were all caring.

Do take any offers of help to look after your LO avd do something with your DH, even if it’s just going out for a cupppa together.

I would ask about genetic counselling and also speak to sands

@Lousta98 I'm so sorry for your loss, there are no words when someone loses a child. If you weren't able to have a funeral or service for your child, maybe you can plant a tree in his or her memory. I truly hope that you will be able to have another child in the future, even as your heart will always hurt for the one who couldn't make it. I hope the medical staff were extra gentle with you and that you will grieve this loss however you need to. Hugs and tears for you.

I just wanted to add that you don’t have to choose a funeral. What you do is entirely up to you and nobody is going to judge you whatever you choose. For us it would have been far too upsetting.

Thank you for your kind words.
i have birth to my sleeping baby on Sunday at exactly 13 weeks gestation. Thankfully the Labour only lasted 3 hours. The midwives were the loveliest of ladies and I am so grateful to them for their compassion and kindness. I got to spend 24 hours with my baby, who we named Drew (neutral name as we haven’t had it confirmed yet if baby is boy or girl, but will have that confirmed in about two weeks). I am beyond devastated that my much wanted baby is gone. No crying to sooth, no nappies to change, no milk to feed etc. but I know I did all I could do to take away any suffering from my baby, as he/she had Patau’s syndrome which is not compatible with life. Taking away Drew’s suffering is now my suffering with grief.
My local hospital doesn’t offer communal or private cremations for babies under 12 weeks gestation, so I am sorting a private cremation which is the least I can do for my baby.
I feel so heartbroken and numb and can’t believe this has happened, and so quickly too.
I now have to focus on me and getting through my grief.

@Lousta98 I'm glad you were treated so kindly by the medical staff, but your grief must be so huge and raw. Everything you did for Drew was out of love and concern. I'm sure it's hard to care for your 16-month old while you feel like you're barely hanging on. Don't hesitate to accept help from anyone you can depend on, and please talk to a counselor if you feel overwhelmed. I found a list of books that could be helpful or comforting here: https://www.northsidepnl.com/recommended-reading2.html
You'll always be connected to this child you've lost, but I pray that you'll be celebrating a new birth in time. May your heart one day be again at peace.