Please help. 4th pregnancy, do I get an abortion?

[Notmeagain24]

I don't know if I can go through with an abortion but I also don't know if I can go ahead with the pregnancy. I'm terrified.

i hve 3 children already - 7,3and 18 months. All born by c section. All relatively easy aside from a heavy bleed and infection after my second. Life is good now! I am on a career break and due to go back part time next year. Work have been so supportive. Im 36. I suffer terribly with migraines and have low iron (25). We have just got life back to a good place with sleep and routine. We are lucky we already have a car big enough for us all (even one more) and money would be ok, tight but ok. House would be a squeeze because the kids are sharing bedrooms as it is.

we had a moment on madness this month - just once! And boom. Pregnant. In hindsight, I wish I'd got the morning after pill. I don't know why I didn't think of it.

I can't imagine another baby. I can't imagine going through 9 months of anxiety about a 4th section. I was just looking forward to getting my own health back on track.

my husband would not agree with an abortion. I'd meed to do it and pretend I had had a miscarriage. Can I live with that? I don't know! Can I bring myself to kill this baby? I know if I made it through the 9 months, I'd love them so much and they'd bring so much joy.

please, any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!!! Sorry if this is a load of waffle.

Hello dear, I can't imagine how shocked you must have felt to discover your surprise pregnancy. You listed out good pros and cons in your life right now. Has a doctor said it would be dangerous for you to have another baby? Can they do a planned c-section a little early to minimize any danger to your uterus?

You're in a tough spot with your husband, but to abort secretly feels like a very risky choice. Sometimes women bleed for weeks and weeks afterward. And what if you were having a very hard time emotionally? You would not be able to tell him the full truth about why you were depressed, upset, or grieving. You could lie and say you had a miscarriage, but the truth would be something you'd have to deal with yourself, or with a friend. No one can tell you what to do there, but I know I would not be able to keep a secret like that from my husband. We are just too close.

You do say that you know you would love this baby, and I'm sure you would. It's possible that in a few years, you'd say you can't imagine your family without this child. Sometimes the best things in life are not how we planned them. Or it's possible that you might experience a natural miscarriage and this child was not meant to be.

Does your husband know you are pregnant? Do you have a friend or other family member you can talk to about this? I think the worst thing is to have to be all alone with the stress, fear, and anxiety that can overwhelm us when the future feels so uncertain. I hope that you will be able to listen to your mind and heart and figure out what decision will bring your life the most peace. All my best to you.