My daughter is pregnant what do I do?

[zoewowie]

Daughter20 at uni .

she hasn’t told me she’s pregnant

she’s been sick and haven’t used any pads in months I know I clean the bathroom

so this morning I open a letter as knew it was a hospital letter as she has spine problem so I know what they look like , she never opens her post anyways so hate me for opening her post.

she’s very immature and lazy.

she hasn’t told me.

the boyfriend is also a student and looks like a little child

nothing but lies

guess because she’s been staying in a hotel for her placement she’s been at it.

yes I know she’s an adult but I’m absolutely devastated and fuming and I do not know how to handle this situation.

got a trip abroad inc theme parks in two months and she’s been talking bout rides! Ffs

im so upset right now I don’t know what to do with myself I feel like I’m gonna have a breakdown.

why you ask oh it’s her life yes well I’ve been a single parent gone thru cancer worked all the time and I know how bitterly hard life is.

she’s never had a job in her life.

shes just screwed her life up either way!

have a kid not gonna graduate and get her career.

have an abortion regret it the rest of her life.

Ive done both situations.

shes not mature like other 20 year olds.

what the heck do i do……

im so so mad upset fuming everything.

shes so moody attitude and lazy.

and no it’s not im just thinking about me im thinking why the heck she ruin her life when i know how dman hard it is and didnt want this for her.

no idea how pregnant she is guessing a good few months. Letter says midwife episode.

I think you should talk to her honestly. Let her know you thought it was a routine letter and that you found out she'd seen a midwife. Ask her what's going on, you have a right to know because she's not independent and this pregnancy will impact you as well. See what she's thinking, and if she has any plans in mind.

Maybe this is all a misunderstanding, she could have switched to tampons and is sick from something else?

It does sounds like she's not responsible enough to have a baby at this point in time. In her case, you might want to discuss if she'd be open to letting a person or couple adopt her baby. There are even modern adoption arrangements where she can stay in touch with the adoptive family, or receive letters/photos if she'd like. Then if she wants to become part of the child's life in the future, it would be a possibility.

I hope you talk to her soon so you can get all the details and then you can go from there. Hope to hear back from you, and I'm sorry for all the hardships you've had to endure in life. You must be a very strong person.

I had my first at 21. She’s now 15 and predicted straight 9s in her GCSE’s. I got a first class degree followed by a masters. I’m now 37 with two other children. Thank god my parents were kind and supportive of me!

Do midwifes write letters? At 20 you need to stand back. Do not open her mail OP you are enabling her further and it's invading privacy.

I would be fuming if you was my mother.

You are going to have to change your tone on this and broach your DD. Even your wording it's not your life! Grovel and just offer her to talk if she would like... don't assume she will engage with you straight away.