🚨ADVICE NEEDED🚨 - unexpected pregnancy and what to do

[Brookeann]

A few weeks ago I found out I’m pregnant!!
however, I have the copper coil, so this was completely unexpected and unplanned. I had a scan on Friday and they said I’m about 6 weeks pregnant. I have been with my partner for just over a year, I’m about to turn 23 and my partner has just turned 27. My partner and I have spoke many a times about our future and having children and a family, he knows that all I’ve ever wanted it to be a mum. However, when I told him the news his immediate reaction was no we can’t keep it and I need to get rid of it. This broke me, especially as I couldn’t understand why he was so against it as even though this is way earlier than expected, it had happened and I thought he wanted this with me. His reasonings are, he doesn’t feel he’s ready and he isn’t as financially stable as he planned to be when having kids as we have no savings, which is fair enough. The last few days he’s been asking for some time to see if he can change his mind however he’s still pretty much against it. Do I give him time? Do I get rid of it now? Do I have the baby on my own? I’m so confused, upset and hurt. I have no idea where to turn or what to do next.

Hello @Brookeann, I can feel the pain in your words, that the man you were planning your life with told you to "need to get rid of" this life that is growing inside you. Even though it was not a planned pregnancy, we as mums often feel a protective love for our little ones even at the earliest stages. Some people are ready sooner than others to start sacrificing time, money, and energy for a child. I think you should definitely give him time to think about this. Since this is a wanted baby for you, I think that unless there is no way on earth that raising this child is possible, you will feel grief and regret if you go the abortion route.

It's possible that after the baby is born, he'd fall in love with his son or daughter and his priorities could change. It happens to many men, but not all. And it could be that you and he are not compatible to be lifelong partners, but that doesn't mean that your child can't still be a good thing.

What is your situation? Do you live with your partner? Do you think there would be support from your family, or from his? Do you work full time? I hope you'll post again with more info and how things are going for you.

It sounds like you really do want this baby, and I hope you can find a way to make that happen. Don't let him push you into something you don't want to do, many men coerce their partner into aborting and then leave the relationship anyway, causing so much hurt and grief. Having the baby without staying with him as a partner is certainly an option. You might want to visit a pregnancy center to find out if any aid is available to you. And did your doctor talk about removing the copper coil? I believe it can be harmful if you decide to continue the pregnancy. Hugs to you, dear.

@SilverScales - thank you ever so much for your reply.
I am going to give him some time to hopefully come around to the idea.
Our situation currently is that we do live together however we’d have to move house due to accessibility issues (our stairs are pretty much ladder stairs - therefore we’d be worried for my safety getting up and down them when heavily pregnant and with a newborn) and lack of space so that’s additional stress. I’ve had an overwhelming amount of support from my family, my partners mother has been extremely supportive too however his sister has her own opinions. We both work full time so we have 2 incomes which is beneficial although we have no savings whatsoever so that’s the main stress.

I think my partner may be coming around to the idea however I think he’s only coming round to the idea for the sake of me which makes me feel extremely guilty.

I'm glad to hear that you have good support from family. Don't give any thought to his sister's opinions, all that matters is what you think. I'm sorry that moving might be necessary but I would be scared trying to navigate steep stairs with a baby too. Having a baby on a budget is possible, especially if you can breastfeed and pump milk for when you can't be there. I also used cloth nappies which saved a lot of money (may not be an option if you don't have a clothes washer at home). Modern ones are so much more convenient than the older kind with pins. Used baby equipment (crib, swing, high chair, etc) can sometimes be found for free when people are done with it and want to pass it on.

Even if your partner decides he does not want to have this baby, it doesn't mean you have to abort. It's absolutely possible that if you don't stay in a relationship with this man, you could still co-parent and you could meet someone who would love to be your child's stepfather. This happened to my neighbor and she was so glad she didn't settle for the biological father of her child. It sounds like your baby would be surrounded by many loving family members and that's all that matters. You say all you've ever wanted is to be a mum, and I hope that you can make that dream come true. Nothing can prepare you for how much you will love your baby. There are no words for the feeling! I'll be praying for you and your situation. Take good care of yourself and be strong.

Have you spoken to the GP because I had the understanding that a copper coil interferes with pregnancy and viability and cannot be viable. This is what the specialist told me who sole job is administering coils. best to get this part sorted primarily.