Really want a third baby but husband is dead set against it

[meganmc0301]

Think I’m more here to vent than anything, or to see if anyone is on the same boat as me.

mum of DD aged 9 and DS aged 5, have approached husband about another baby for the past year about baby number three however he is very set against it. I feel so heartbrokenn, I’m only 30 years old, we have good jobs and a stable home but he is so so against the idea. Anyone else been in this boat and have any words of reassurance? He doesn’t want any other kids because he said it’s nice having our two grown up and it’s nice having them at the age they are.

I'm so sorry that you and your husband are not in agreement about having another child. Was this something you talked about before getting married? Has he changed his mind since then, or do you think he has different priorities?

It sounds like you got pregnant with your first around age 20 which meant you had to give up a lot of your independence and make all the loving sacrifices that all good parents do. Maybe he feels tired of sacrificing and wants life to be easier. What has he said to you when you told him you would love to have one more child? Do you feel like he's listening to you?

I don't know what birth control you are using, but I would resist the temptation to pretend to get pregnant accidentally by not using it correctly/consistently. Maybe the two of you can talk to a counselor to see if there is a way forward you can both feel good about. I'm sorry that he seems have his mind closed off to the possibility and at least talk about it.

Thank you so much for replying.

Yes so before we got married he spoke about not having any more children was very final but it’s something we never committed to if you get what I mean? I think he’s very focused on enjoying our two kids at the edge they are, for example nice days out without having extra stress with an unsettled baby/feeding etc.

yeah so I was pregnant at 19 and had my first at 20 🙂 I definitely do think you are right with what you are saying about giving up our independence. I am currently on the Slynd contraceptive pill and taking it religiously. I would never force him into a situation that could have been prevented so really mindful of contraception thankfully. Yeah I think we really do need to have a serious talk about it, it feels like an overwhelming sadness when I think about never being pregnant again and having another wee one. It’s like a feeling of emptiness 💔💔

I feel the same with similar aged kids but I'm ten years older so too late really! It has always been hard no for my DP but when we've had a couple of minor scares (never actually likely) he's always said he's be supportive and just get on with it, which made me wish I'd pressed for it more a few years ago (but I was too exhausted by babies).

I think the peri hormones make it worse as your body goes into last chance sale mode as well. I'm hoping when I hit mid 40s I will feel over it and relieved we stopped at two...

I'm so sorry @meganmc0301, that's a tough position to be in. It sounds like he was honest about not wanting more children, so you might have to be willing to compromise on this one. It sounds like there's a big chance you might become a granny in your 40s or 50s, and you would have the time to provide child care on evenings or weekends. Or maybe you have a friend, or know a single mum, who has a baby and could use some time to themselves. You could offer to watch their baby for free a few times a month. Or maybe there's another capacity you could volunteer with young children. I know it's not the same as holding your own baby, but there are so many children out there who need extra love and care, maybe this could be an opportunity for you to share some of that abundant room in your motherly heart.

If you feel that having another child is something you desperately want, to the point where it is affecting your marriage or peace of mind, maybe you could talk it out with a counselor, either by yourself or with your husband too. I hope that things work out for you, sending hugs.