Abortion then 5 months later pregnant again

[Starshineishere]

TW- Miscarriage/Abortion.
before I start, please don’t lecture me on contraception and all of that because I was on it unfortunately there is always a small chance you can get pregnant whilst being on it

I had a abortion in March then I ended up getting pregnant again in August this time round I was pregnant with twins when I went to BPAS again and I guess kind of changed my mind in a way however I lost one of them at 8 weeks when I was bleeding and cramping which has been going on for weeks I’m now 12 weeks pregnant and it’s now a singleton pregnancy I’m just struggling alot with my emotions one minute I want an abortion again then I don’t then I do again.. so I took the mifepristone pill however I didn’t take the second lot of pills because I had a his sense of guilt ..

I went for a scan there’s still a heartbeat and everything is fine so far

I have a SEN 3 year old with no family help it takes up a lot of my time it can be mentally exhausting

Pregnancy isn’t kind to my body I’m already have some weird side effects for example the inside of my vagina is swelling up like crazy and there’s a bulge I’m constantly tired and nauseous Just really mentally exhausted I don’t want a child just yet however I can’t deal with the deal of terminating another pregnancy I don’t know what I’m looking for by writing this post I guess I want somewhere to vent I’m so stuck right now …

Hello @Starshineishere, I can't imagine how much inner pain you're going through. The shock of the unplanned pregnancy happening earlier this year, followed by a repeat of that five months later, it must feel like your life has spiraled out of control. I'm so sorry for the traumatic situations you've endured, especially losing one of the twins when you had decided to keep them. For the baby to be there one day and suddenly be gone the next, no wonder you're feeling like you're barely hanging on. If the other twin survived the miscarriage and the mifepristone, maybe you're feeling like that child was meant to be?

I'm so sorry your three year old has special needs, is it something that may lessen as they grow older? I thought I'd post this link in case there's any help you weren't already aware of. https://www.gov.uk/children-with-special-educational-needs

Do you have a partner, and are they supportive? I'm so sorry you don't have more help right now but maybe you can go to your gynecologist to make sure your vagina is okay unless that happened with your first pregnancy too. Hope you can find a way through this that will bring you peace and be a blessing to your family.