Trying to make myself feel it…

[NOS27]

I’m 8 weeks pregnant with my third (unplanned) child. My other two are older and we very much felt done. Financially it’s going to be a real stretch but the biggest problem is I just can’t seem to make myself up for it. I ordered the abortion pills at 6 weeks but haven’t been to make myself take them. I’ve even had a scan thinking it would make me feel protective like I did with the other two but I just can’t seem to do it. I swing between feeling numb, feeling like I desperately don’t want this and thinking I’m sure I’d love it when it’s here.

I know it’s awful when people are desperate but I just keep thinking if I woke up tomorrow and had a miscarriage I’d be so relieved (I know that’s awful).

This feels like the worst of both worlds because I’m not brave enough to take the pills but not into the idea of having a third. My husband was happy for to either have an abortion or for us to have this child but has pointed out (rightly so) that it is going to impact what we’re able to offer the other two, which I HATE!

Dear OP,
I just wanted to offer a hand-hold and say I'm in a similar position. I am 7 weeks along with my second child. Unplanned. My daughter is 2.5 and I'm just starting to feel like myself again. I love her dad, but he hasn't been hands on at all, and is just about finding his groove with fatherhood now, but has no desire for another (we're both older parents).
I have a surgical termination booked for Thursday and I am conflicted, but not as much as I thought I would be. I don't want to start again, and I don't want to impact on the opportunities we can offer our daughter, or to miss out on time with her.
I have wrestled with myself but ultimately I don't want to risk the gentle, happy life my DD has now by plunging us into the unknown.
Sending hugs to you x

I don’t have any advice for you but I felt similar to you in wishing I had a miscarriage. It’s awful to say! But from what I’ve read on other boards there are a lot of others who felt the same, for me it’s because it would have taken the decision out of my hands.
Sending hugs to you

Hi @NOS27 , I'm sorry that you're stuck in between two extreme choices. It sounds like deep down, you are leaning toward keeping this child. If you've read stories from women who aborted, you know that there is often emotional aftermath following the termination ranging from nagging to severe. I'm glad you're giving yourself time to sort out your feelings. And I think you're right that once the baby goes from a hypothetical little person to an actual baby that has been born, you would love him or her the same as your other two. It's nice that your husband is willing to welcome one more into your family, even if finances are not overflowing. Perhaps a compromise might be to have the baby and your husband gets a vasectomy so you don't have any more surprises in the future.

I hope you are able to decide what your best path forward through this situation, and I wish you the best in whatever that may be.